Non-binary teacher?

[Thompson198]

Name change.
I’ve got a 5 year old daughter due to go into year 2 in September. We’ve just been told that the teacher for next year is a non-binary/‘non-gender-conforming’ man who wants to be referred to by ‘Mx’ (pronounced mix) and they/them pronouns.
Quite a few of the parents have already complained and started looking for other places at local schools because of this.
what do you think?
My daughter has SEN and is one of the youngest in her class, I worry how she’s going to be able to keep up with the pronouns and understand this without us having to teach her about gender ideology at her age. My husband is extremely against teaching her gender ideology, especially so young, I’m not the most positive about it either but don’t feel as strongly as him. He also doesn’t want her being at the school in September but they have been very supportive for her so far and I’m concerned it might not be the same elsewhere.
Thoughts? How would you feel if this was your child’s teacher?

I know you've said you push back on that a bit, but does that not kind of give them the message that there is a right and wrong way to be a boy or a girl? This is why it's so regressive.

“My oldest child later asked is X a boy now? I said yes. The end”

Dear God🤦🏼‍♀️
Humans do not change sex. The end.

I'd say it's more confusing than anything: 'anything can be for boys or girls', but then at the same time 'they think some things about them feel more like a boy, and some things feel more like a girl'. The obvious next question would be 'But why, if anything can be for boys or girls?', for which there isn't a good answer.

Well as I said another teacher might use Dr which might be a male female or non-binary and everyone coped. Some of my teachers were called Sister even though they weren't my sister, when the parish priest came in for assemblies he was Father even though he had nothing to do with my conception. Kids cope with all these things and are likely to cope with this if no one makes a fuss, including Mx.

Children generally accept people on their own terms, if they have a positive relationship with them.

Sadly this poor teacher will be on the receiving end of the sort of toxic shite from parents that openly gay teachers used to be on the receiving end of when I was growing up.

If your daughter is SEN, I would absolutely put her into this class. Sounds as if it'll be a really small class due to parental protests and it could be a massive bonus for a lot of extra attention/support.

Kids are adaptable. You can explain the situation to her in whatever way you're comfortable with. She'll accept parental evaluation because she trusts you.

I'd see this as a massive advantage.

It is quite extraordinary what people are prepared to teach their children. 🤯

Agree. I have a gay friend who had a terrible time in school (she was a very masculine presenting woman). Great teacher but the parents (and by default some of the children) were horrifically cruel.

Human beings are all male or female.

None of these people are also demanding special pronouns

@TimeFliesin2046 "I know you've said you push back on that a bit, but does that not kind of give them the message that there is a right and wrong way to be a boy or a girl? This is why it's so regressive."

Who is saying there's a 'right or wrong way to be a boy or a girl'?

I work in this area .

Seeding the idea in young children that a man is a woman if he says so presents a safeguarding risk ..

Sounds to me like you're unnecessarily dragging politics into your job.

I don't think the title in itself matters. DC will know and accept quickly that he's called Mix rather than Mr or (Dr and one of my DC's teacher's is).

For me it woukd depend what else they're being taught about him and his choices. I don't think Mx is any more difficult to read/pronounce than Ms.

TBH I think a bit of gender neutrality isn’t a bad thing in schools. When I was at school there were a lot of unnecessary distinctions. For example the teacher would always address us as ‘boys and girls’ instead of ‘children’. And it was very much football for boys & netball for girls type of segregation from a very early age.

Hopefully most of the sexism has gone now but don’t forget that what we want is safety, equality & for everyone (including teachers) to be treated fairly. I would be on alert but give the teacher a chance.

In what way were “openly gay” teachers demanding children validate their sexuality?

Well, if you feel more like a boy on some days and more like a girl on others, it kind of implies that there are things that make one a boy or a girl, no? If there were no right and wrong way to be a girl or a boy, then you'd just be whatever sex you are, doing whatever you feel like doing, with no need to feel different. We're talking about young kids here. It's giving mixed messages.

"They" isn't 'special'. It's just a common pronoun that we use all the time in speech. I use it at work when I'm referring to unborn babies where the sex is unknown.

Language is a tool we adapt to serve our needs and the needs of those we're communicating with.

I think "non-binary" is nonsense. People can present or behave however they want, without having to deny that they are the sex that can be seen in the DNA in every cell in their body. To think that someone has to be called "Mx" because they don’t feel they fit with their stereotypical ideas of what a man "should" be like is in my opinion hugely regressive and just reinforces and perpetuates the old stereotypes. Telling young children they must respect that is teaching them that the old stereotypes of how men and women 'should' behave are valid.

Having said all that, if I otherwise liked the school I could put up with the teacher being addressed as Mx. But I don’t think I could put up with the pronouns. I find it disturbing that young children are being taught not to trust their natural instincts, instincts every human (probably nearly every living creature) has about who is male and who is female.

How is safeguarding kids bringing politics into it? Kids need to know who is a man or a woman for safeguarding purposes.

“When the sex is unknown”

You’ve answered your own protest.

It’s definitely no a perfect way to explain it, and ideally I’d have waited until my DC was older to have a more sophisticated conversation. but it has actually in my case led to good conversations with my DC - we talk about how for example it doesn’t make any sense that dresses should only be for girls, that anyone should be able to wear them and still be a boy etc.

I’m aware this is very reductive but I’m also very conscious to not overburden a small child with the depth of the issue while also teach them to be accepting of other’s views AND break down gender stereotypes. I hope the future generation can grow past the need for they/them, because for me it feels sad so many people at the moment attach such rigid stereotypes to their pronoun that they feel they have to change it.

But by the very virtue of requesting children to validate his identity by denying reality and pander to the wishes of a grown man kinda shows what kind of teacher he is going to be. Whatever he wants to do in his own life outside of work is his own business, why try to drag children into it?

100%

Even if a handful leave, and I suspect they will, from a reception intake that's about £4k off the budget each child each year, that will really damage the school in the medium term unless it is heavily oversubscribed.