Non-binary teacher?

[Thompson198]

Name change.
I’ve got a 5 year old daughter due to go into year 2 in September. We’ve just been told that the teacher for next year is a non-binary/‘non-gender-conforming’ man who wants to be referred to by ‘Mx’ (pronounced mix) and they/them pronouns.
Quite a few of the parents have already complained and started looking for other places at local schools because of this.
what do you think?
My daughter has SEN and is one of the youngest in her class, I worry how she’s going to be able to keep up with the pronouns and understand this without us having to teach her about gender ideology at her age. My husband is extremely against teaching her gender ideology, especially so young, I’m not the most positive about it either but don’t feel as strongly as him. He also doesn’t want her being at the school in September but they have been very supportive for her so far and I’m concerned it might not be the same elsewhere.
Thoughts? How would you feel if this was your child’s teacher?

Pretending to not be a man and he gets through the checks to teach little kids - that’s twisted.

Being “open minded” is fine, as long as your “open mindedness” is based on truth and reality and doesn’t attempt to pervert or convert anyone.

So flat earthers? Anti vaxxers? Holocaust deniers? White supremacists? Paedophiles? Jihadists? They would no doubt argue that they were entitled to hold and to express their point of view, but I don’t think anyone would want them expressing that point of view to six year olds.

Can someone explain what the school's legal position is on this? So if children do use the wrong title / pronouns regularly, could the teacher claim damages of some kind? Must be a bloody nightmare to navigate for the Head if so.

Well, hopefully their surname isn't Omatosis

I agree re sexism being a huge problem Gender Ideology IS sexism writ large though .

Does anyone remember Mr Pastry on TV (in the days of monochrome TV)? I wonder if he identified as a pie? 😆

What are you rabbiting on about?

This is an extremely poor comparison. Gay is just sexuality (so considered sex education) while gender ideology is a a belief, like religion. A better comparison would be an evangelical Christian teacher joining the school and worries about teaching hell and damnation.

Why assume that every binary person is narcissist? Your prejudices are showing.

The only time you use a person's pronouns is when you are talking about them rather than to them. How you refer to him when he is not present is nothing to do with him.

School will have to introduce a new phonics sound into the curriculum, how do you pronounce mx?

Because it’s a performance that requires an audience. And the audience has to be in the performer’s control. And if the audience doesn’t react how the performer demands, a tantrum ensues.

The people who are saying that as long as he's a good teacher then it doesn't matter - would you say that if it was a teacher who believed they were Napoleon and insisted all the children addressed him as such? Or who insisted they were a dog? That would be cool as long as they were a good teacher?

I'd raise this as a belief system that isn't compatible with your beliefs.

This teacher may identify as 'non binary' and use Mx but that doesn't stop him being a man.

I'd be asking a lot of questions, what happens if a child has an accident and needs help to clean up?

What will happen to your child when they continue to use the correct pronouns from the English language?

Are the school going to respect your beliefs?

Which toilet will they use? That might not seem relevant as it will be a staff toilet but it is because sometimes year 6 girls are permitted to use them in order to deal with a period.

That's one of my main problems with gender ideology. It seems incredibly sexist to me, with rigid boxes conforming to stereotypes.

The way I see it, if you're a woman, that says nothing about your hobbies or personality or taste in clothes. It just means you have XX chromosomes and, if healthy, can get pregnant. Purely biological.

To say that clothes/sports/friends/interests etc is what makes your a man or woman or non-binary is crazy to me. So incredibly judgemental and limiting.

I think you'll be asked a lot of questions, especially during the first few weeks. I would just keep it factual, that he's a man and some men need a lot of attention, or are deluded, or self absorbed etc. Hopefully he'll be able to stop talking about himself for long enough to actually teach sometimes. My experience of NB teachers in the staff room is that they unfortunately only have one conversational subject - themselves.

Typo?

It’s the non-binary people who insist everyone else capitulates to their made up identity that are exhibiting the narcissistic behaviour.

I'm much less interested in what this teacher is like, and much more interested in what the head is like, than most people here, I think. OP, I'd be saying in absolutely clear terms, something like: "my husband and I do not believe in gender ideology, we think sex is real and immutable and sometimes important, we will not be referring to Mx A as "they" at home. Of course we expect and will teach our child to be polite to everyone, and will refer to Mx A as such at home - using a teacher's chosen name is normal. It may be that our child will refer to Mx A as "they" by following examples set here, and if so that's fine by us, but we will not attempt to teach that and we will not support the school if our child is disciplined for using "he", or for asking questions or making comments that are deemed offensive unless we agree that they're actually offensive and not just wrongthink according to gender ideology. We would also like reassurance that Mx A will not undertake any duties that would not be undertaken by any other male teacher. "

That's all straightforward I think. The harder thing is about what people will say about the situation: maybe something like:
"I'm especially concerned that my (particularly impressionable) child not be taught as fact that some people can change sex: can you assure me that neither Mx A, nor any other staff member attempting to support Mx A, will ever say that in the hearing of my child?" Schools are quite good these days at not teaching religion as fact outside "religious assemblies", so this might work...dunno.

Then I'd see what the head said to that. Based on the response - which might not be to agree with you, but should be to acknowledge that the school has to accept that some parents will - I'd decide whether to keep my child in the school or not.

This is very good advice.

OP the cooler heads on this thread are right.

At primary school what matters is that your DC attends a warm and supportive learning environment, looks forward to going to school each day, feels happy .. and learns the appropriate curriculum for Year 2. IMHO whether the teacher is called Mx or not is not very important in the greater scheme of things.

What matters much much more is how the school handles special needs and how the headteacher manages the school overall to be able to recruit and retain staff, make sure the teaching is delivered and so on.
My DC went to two primary schools. This is because I pulled them out halfway (as did a number of other parents) after headteacher mismanagement created an environment where there was huge staff turnover and they had a different teacher a term for two years, which had a bad effect on their learning environment. I would rather my DC had had a decent Mx teacher who stayed the year, rather than a series of white middle class heterosexual temps who didn't.

When I look back over my DC school career (primary and secondary) the best teachers that stood out to me were in many ways the least conforming to the "norm". One was "old" ie in her late 60s but didn't want to retire. One was a black gay man. One was a lesbian. In their own different ways they each created a space for my DC to thrive.

If there is another nearby good school you can make a realistic choice for, great, but most people don't have that option.

Why on earth would you put yourself through the pain of homeschooling?!

Dealing with your DH: certain straight men love blowing off about this sort of thing down the pub - as a sort of peacock display of their own heterosexual masculinity. But I would say to him in an act of diplomacy - "yes it's all a bit weird and modern isn't it, but shall we give it a try and see how it goes?" This sounds like what you have done already. He doesn't have to come to parents evening if it is too much for him - you can do that alone.

For the new qualified teacher themselves. I really hope they are not reading ... and in a way I also hope they are ... because they are going to have to find a way to deal with a lot of the types of uncertainty, prejudice etc in the coming years. The headteacher has made their stand by hiring them in the first place and now needs to find a way to back them, to allow good education to be delivered and not be derailed by (some) parent attitudes. IMHO the best thing this teacher can do is to deliver a great job of teaching and a smiling happy class at the end of each day.

Hope you work out a solution that works for you and your DC, OP.

@TeenToTwenties

Perhaps because the pronouns are the easiest bit to ignore if OP doesn't want to use them the whole point of third party pronouns is that the child won't have much/any cause them when the teacher is around to hear - she'll only ever address the teacher directly.

If she refers to "him" when talking to her parents the teacher won't be there to know about it, they don't have to tell her to use "they" if you don't want to, and don't have to use they at home if they don't want to. Even in school there aren't going to be many occasions when other adults talk about the teacher to the children and in my experience they usually use names anyway as its more polite and clearer to identify who is meant e.g. the TA would say "what did Mx Sam say about asking to use the toilet" rather than "what did he/she/they say about asking to use the toilet?"

I would NEVER pretend to a child that a man is not a man .

Priests had / have special licence to be with children because they were ‘different’ to ‘ ordinary’ men .
Men who pretend not to be men and then seek teaching roles with young children should raise huge red flags in a society that values the mental and physical wellbeing of young people .

Disagree with some posters on it not being a big deal for year 2s to call this teacher Mx. I'm generally happy to use people's preferred titles and pronouns, but don't think this should ever be compelled and certainly not in a setting such as a school where some people may be neurodiverse, have brain injuries, ESOL etc. Lots of reasons people may use incorrect pronouns or struggle with a typical ones.

I've been Ms on official documents since I was 16. When I worked in a primary school I was Miss per their conventions, and while that doesn't chime with my 'identity' or politics it was not an issue because I see no need to impose my beliefs on others. Incidentally, I was also often called Sir which did not bother me especially when uttered by a 5 year old whose first language was Turkish or a 7 year old with epilepsy.

If a teacher can't put the potential needs of their students on an even pegging to their own wants they shouldn't fucking be teaching.

Who is unable to grasp basic biological concepts?
Like, Y5-6 biology level?
2 biological sexes in humans, male and female?