To stop flying because I’m scared?

[Hertsmum78]

Would really appreciate some perspective on this.

I’ve been awake all night, as I often am before going on holiday. This morning I’m flying to south of France for a holiday with friends and just do not want to get on the plane. I’ve never loved flying but was okay until a few years ago when a bad experience with turbulence set me back. I have flown lots of times since then but hated it, and it always causes me huge stress.

I logically know all the reassuring stats and I’ve had lots of therapy (not for this specifically, just generally).

I will get on the flight this morning because I can’t face the embarrassment with friends but I am already planning to come home by train and am increasingly beginning to wonder whether flying is worth it for me unless I can get past this. It basically ruins every holiday to a greater or lesser extent.

my husband and kids all love flying and we’ve been on lots of good holidays, including long haul. Would it be so terrible for us to all go to closer locations for a few years so I don’t have to be so utterly miserable.

I am generally a high functioning and competent person and this is my one area of weakness. I hate that I can’t seem to get past it.

all thoughts welcome, both from those who stopped flying and those who pushed on through!

I was you, it was just awful.
I spoke to my doctor and he said of course I should take a prescription pill 30 minutes before I fly to relax me.

A complete game changer for me. Furious that I didn't get it years ago.

My anxiety got a lot worse with menopause.

I stopped in the 90s and never regretted it. I have never ventured outside Europe (never felt the need to) and travelling via the Tunnel is a damn sight more relaxing that going through Heathrow.

The lemonade bubbles and ice cube metaphor is brilliant. Thank you to the PP! I enjoy flying but turbulence sends me into an irrational panic.

I’ve stopped flying , not because I’m scared but because I really can’t stand it so I just don’t do it anymore , plenty of places to go that don’t involve planes

British Airways occasionally do a day for nervous flyers with a seminar exercises and a small flight that takes off and lands back at Heathrow so you can help get over it. It might be valuable for you. But statistically you are far more likely to perish in a car crash on the way to the airport than ever in a plane yet you aren’t scared of cars so you might need to take a bigger view on it. It might not be flying you’re scared of but being stuck in a plane, so more like a claustrophobia.

I’m sorry to hear you cancelled your flight OP, I’m sure it wasn’t easy.
I had the same issue around 10-15 years ago, started seemingly out the blue but apparently 26/27 is a common age for it to start.
I tried a variety of things:
fear of flying course by virgin (helpful, more so the flight than anything else)
hypnotherapy (helpful for learning tips and tricks)
reading various books about how your brain works ( your amygdala is in hyper vigilance mode, so you inwardly recognise this and tell it to stop overreacting - surprisingly effective)
wine and Valium (extremely effective 😂)

it was probably a combination of all the above, a determination that my life and experiences should not be kept smaller by the phobia and continuing to expose myself to it, even though I was fucking terrified at the time.

I now quite happily get on flights, with no drinks and now and again when particularly bumpy and some of those thoughts come back, I relinquish my inner control freak and let it go.

it’s hard OP but it’s one of those things you need to face and conquer or it grows and grows.

You truly are missing out if you don't go to Glencoe, The Isle of Skye/Harris/Lewis, parts of Wales, Devon and Cornwall. I've travelled the world but there is nowhere more incredible than the West coast of Scotland. It's not a poor substitute for overseas travel.
In your position though, I'd just drug myself on the flight. Get something from the Dr like zopiclon or vallium and just put yourself in a stupor. You'll be 3 sheets to the wind and won't care what happens.

I stopped flying around my early 30’s and didn’t fly for around 19 years! I eventually got so fed up not having a holiday abroad that I did a fear of flying course, 5 years ago and now take diazepam to help relax me. I’m gutted I missed out on all those holidays over the years and the whole works has opened up to me again. So my advice to anyone is don’t stop flying, despite the fear… avoidance will only make it worse..

I find vodka helps.Also looking at the air stewerds.Unless they look concerned I know i have no reason to be.

Sorry to hear that but with my ex commercial pilot hat on have to ask what was the source of your turbulence info?

The forecasting of turbulence has improved since I stopped flying a small handful of years back but it's often a best guess with the emphasis on slightly pessimistic...

It's a bit late for you now and not sure of your itinary but for example looking at the official met charts for europe today the only areas where you might encounter turbulence is around shower clouds and the pilots will be avoiding that...it actually looks on paper like a nice day to go flying.

Given the anxiety even the forecasts/best guesses of turbulence are provoking I wish I could recommend a specific course for you but nothing comes to mind...

@notimagain - source was Turbli. I know it's not always reliable but I've found it reliable enough for past flights that it frightened me sufficiently. But it's kind of neither here nor there - I know the issue is me, not the turbulence.

I feel the same OP. I know all the stats etc- makes no difference. An anxious mind is often incapable of thinking logically about the thing it is afraid of.

The fear plus the environmental impact means I would very happily never fly again and would stick to travelling by car, train and boat. Although I have been to lots of places in Europe, I still haven’t seen most of it so could happily take holidays in Europe forevermore.

But my husband and kids are not afraid of flying, nor do they worry about the environmental impact as much as I do so I do still fly- for them. It’s once a year at most and I just get through it with gritted teeth. 😣

@Dontsayyouloveme I used to take Diazepam for flights and it was a huge help. Apparently GPs won’t prescribe it now for flying- do you still manage to get it through your GP?

Ok fair enough, but for general info unless the app knows your exact route, including exact altititudes along that routes (and chances are it won't) it's really just making a slightly informed guess.

It will have more chance of being roughly correct with turbulence associated with jet streams but not so much the other forms...

Anyhow I do hope you can find a solution.

I follow No Fly Traveller on Instagram - great tips and info on how to get around Europe etc without having to go on a sodding plane.

Sympathies OP.

Flew abroad a couple of weeks ago for the first time in 10 years and i cried during take off (silently into my cardi), cried during landing and repeated it all coming home.

During the flight itself i went through periods of calm and periods of breath catching panic.

During the holiday i was seeing planes fly in and out over the island and kept thinking x days till i'm back up there crying 😫

I have no answer for you - but there's loads of us out there struggling x

Initially I went to a private GP as I knew an NHS GP won’t prescribe it. Recently I’ve been given it for reactive anxiety so I some left from that.

I am absolutely petrified of flying. Its like I get worse with every flight. For my 40th birthday I planned lots of holidays. On one flight I grabbed the arm of the woman beside me and cried. My sister was sitting across the aisle and the woman asked her was it my first time flying "No" she replied "this is her 3rd holiday in 2 months!"
I used to go on holiday two or three times a year but it got so bad I stopped. A couple of years ago I did a fear of flying course run by a pilot and a psychologist. The other participants all had very different fears to me. My main problem is turbulence. I'm never afraid the plane will crash but I just can't cope with turbulence. It feels like I am damaging my body because my heart is racing and pounding so hard. I'm also very sensitive to the slightest bit of movement. The course was good in that we learned what all the engine noises were etc. There was also a flight simulator. Despite the fact that we weren't on a plane or actually flying, when the pilot " took off" I started crying.
I went on one flight after his and ŵas a slight bit calmer but despite that I haven't flown since and that was almost 2 years ago.
This week I booked flights and did everything I could to make the process slightly easier.....hopefully. we are flying from a smaller airport so less hectic. Flying with an airline that I've found to be a bit less bumpy than Ryanair! And also I've booked front row seats as that's where I feel more relaxed. I don't like to be squashed among too many people and I don't like to see people wandering around the plane.....I just want them to sit still 😆

Life's too short imo to make yourself ill with worry. Just use ferries and trains.

I used to fly several times a year in my younger days through work, I don't now and just don't fancy it even for holidays. We see far too any air disasters for anyone to convince me anything bad happening is a rarity.

Get the eurostar or drive around Europe.

I did the EasyJet fearless flyer course - total game changer

OP I am the same. Its the turbulence that's the problem. Not afraid of flying oer se and understand its very safe. But that doesn't make turbulence any easier.
Also for those saying get valium or diazepam or have a drink.....I've tried them all and nothing helps

Hi OP, sorry to hear you have had such a horrible time. It’s turbulence that I fear too,( as well as take off and landing). I didn’t really like flying before but could tolerate it. After an especially frightening flight home I thought I’d never get on a plane again. This was just before Covid and I was actually pleased that I couldn’t fly anywhere.

I don’t actually get much anticipatory worry. I might think about it a bit in the run up and I’m fine on the journey there and in the airport. It’s as soon as I get inside the plane that it starts. I sob on the way up, ( it’s a physical thing too, speeding a long the runway then lifting up petrifies me). I have been known to to sit rigidly for ages at a time, hyper vigilant to every tilt, noise and bump. True terror sets in if we start bumping about.

Things that help me a bit are:
Headphones. I usually listen to something I’m pretty familiar with, shut my eyes and imagine that I’m driving about in my car, exercising or walking, something that I usually do whilst listening to music.

A well-timed glass of wine. Can take the edge off the fear.

The shorter the flight, the better. Although those to somewhere like Geneva do involve going over mountains and possible turbulence.

I also feel terrible about my impact on the environment when I fly. I visit a hot country experiencing global warming and know I’ve contributed to it. It makes me feel awful. My DH however thinks nothing of going on three trips in as many months so it’s impossible to change the culture in my house.

Hope you’re feeling a bit better now.

Could you perhaps take one flying lesson. Hear me out!😃.

When you get into a small airplane and see the pilot has duplicates of everything sometimes 3 of everything. That you can use an I pad as a autopilot and that there are so many safely checks they will go through.

It helps to remember that thousands upon thousands of planes take off just in the UK every day what with the raf, private planes, passengers etc and only once in a blue moon is there an issue.

I do feel your pain though I went through a stage about 15 years ago and gritted my teeth just thinking of the destination. Going up in a small plane about 10 years ago really cured me of the fear