To not understand end of year gifts for teachers?

[Threecactusplants]

That time is upon us.
My DS’s class WhatsApp ‘admin’ has asked if people want to contribute towards a voucher for the teacher - suggested donation £10 each.
AIBU but the teachers are being paid for this job, they’re not doing it voluntarily.
Okay I understand if the child is leaving/in last year or the teacher is leaving.

To be honest, I haven’t been hugely impressed this year, DS’s teacher has been quite slack and we have had very little communication. He’s been happy going to school which is the main thing but I probably would have got a small card or asked him to make one. It’s only a small class of 21 so if I don’t contribute it’ll be obvious.

I agree OP. I rarely get thanked in my job, but if someone offered a gift I'd have to decline it or share it with the office (if something shareable like chocolates) and fill out a declaration form. I'm also in a public sector underpaid role.

My DS is in his first year of school and no one has mentioned anything on the WhatsApp group yet but if they do I will decline. I will help DS write a thank you letter instead.

I absolutely can. People give off a lot more clues about themselves than they assume others pick up. The way they look, how they speak with other parents, how they organise birthday parties, how they communicate in the class app, whether they choose to participate at all, whether they offer their own time for school activities or they just choose to enjoy events organised by others. All of that combined with how much money they choose to donate to the teacher (if at all) paints a pretty clear picture of the person.

In High School few people were given end of year presents, maybe after GCSEs there might be a card and a small gift, but nothing like the bunfights that Primary school parents indulge in!
I'll repeat what I've posted before, when my late OH left a school in '74 he was given, in addition to the usual after shave, mugs, bottles of beer, a beautiful letter from a mother thanking him for his work and for providing her son with such a positive role model. He kept it for many years as it validated what he wanted to achieve. 'Gifts' don't have to be financial.

There are some jobs that seem to warrant reward, wait staff and hairdressers are roles that get tipped despite being same or higher earning than many other roles. The teacher gift seems to be a bit of a competitive parenting that’s caught on. I vary it, if ds has had an amazing supportive year I will gift in appreciation otherwise I will get a box of chocolates.

As a teacher, I really appreciate small gestures of thanks. A card for example is always very welcome. An actual gift is something I definitely don't expect but is nice to receive.

I don't think it should be specific to teachers though.

I give my cleaner a card and some extra cash at Xmas. I also give a card and some chocolates to the woman who does my beauty treatments.

I also give my students very small gifts on their birthdays (not Xmas because not everyone celebrates).

As a teacher, my most treasured gifts were a handwritten card or note off a child. That meant more to me than any shop bought gift.

I’d bet that most teachers would love a card or an email and an appreciative mention to the head. I’ve got a hand made book, with lovely comments in and that means more than anything. Those things stay with you as a reminder that you did as good a job as you could.

For those who say that teachers are paid and see no reason for a token at the end of the year, do you give your postman, bin men, hairdresser, serving staff, tradesmen and women a bit extra for a job well done? How many pocket a bonus, either in money or in kind.

But a simple card and thank you means the most.

Exactly this. Most parents are happy someone is organising a gift and all they have to do is transfer a tenner and the job is done. They do not get judged because that's the norm. If someone says they are doing their own gifts it's not a problem either because whatever you organise yourself is likely to cost more than £10.

There are always the few pick-mes who make a huge deal out of social conformity and base their entire personality around the fact they hate class Whatsapp chats and have refused to join theirs. Surely there's a lot more to life than rebelling by refusing to contribute to a gift card.

"Bribery and corruption" . We need AC -12

I have teachers in the family and in the 80s presents to the form tutor (secondary) and class teacher (primary) were definitely a thing - wine and chocolates. It made for good Christmases! But all the awful tat with Best Teacher Ever is no use to anyone and that never used to exist.

My child has 1:1s and they always get something nice. Class teachers at primary get wine/chocolates/biscuits. I’m afraid nothing at secondary. I far prefer putting a fiver into a pot to having to think of my own thing but it doesn’t happen at our current school and also I do agree that loads of people still do their own thing too so it can be self-defeating. I do get my kids to do a thank you card at the end of the year which I hope is nice for the teacher to read.

This is the first year I’m not going to get one of my sons teachers a gift, he’s been less than useless and he’s not been a good teacher imo so I’m not getting him a gift. If you feel the same then don’t contribute, you wouldn’t give a tip at a restaurant if you got bad service so don’t ‘tip’s teacher who’s not been very good.

Yes and I give something to the bin men as well. If you think they are worth it why not.

With teachers I've always known it for primary but more unusual for senior school.

I dont know what's funny about this.

There are strict rules and guidelines for people in public office for this very reason.

And yes buying gifts for teachers, medical practioners etc smacks of buying preferential treatment for pupils, or patients in the case of doctors and nurses.

It's all part of the culture of money talking. Another way in which the poor in society are made to look and feel inferior and possibly receive less consideration and treatment than those who have more disposable income

What's to "not get"? Surely it's obvious that you don't feel like giving a gift because you don't think they've been a great teacher.

My DC have great teachers who routinely go above and beyond, sacrificing their own time to attend events and put on activities and clubs for our children. They have also been extremely supportive with our ND child and also some issues that our eldest has experienced. I want to give them gifts because they have done a lot for my family and I'd like to give a token of appreciation.

@Ageismlives

I left Primary School in the late 60's / very early 70's, I can recall giving the school janitor ( caretaker ) and the lollipop man gifts on my last day.
I guess the school teacher whom I had for 2 years got a gift too.

I just do a voucher. Pretty sure most teachers don’t want their house flooded with mugs or homemade crafts, lovely as they are. I barely have space for all my own kids’ creations, let alone being given ones from other children! But it’s fine not to give anything, just opt out or don’t reply.

I usually buy some nice bottles of wine and dish those out. It always goes down well (and I know they all drink before anyone says). I make sure we remember his lovely TA and the dinner lady who does breakfast club as I'm sure they get forgotten. I guess I'd be less inclined to give gifts if the teachers hadn't been so great, but at DS school they all really go above and beyond.

That is why i said i think.

Same for my DH. He keeps them all.

I think you’re projecting your own disappointment of DCs teacher on to the general idea of an end of year gift. The way I see it is yes, teaching is a job, but aside from following the curriculum they keep your kid alive, teach them kindness and compassion, how to deal with emotions (my DC is in R so appreciate this may not apply to older kids), but ultimately they teach life skills in a setting they spend more time then than in their own home. So yeah, a thank you is nice.

Never bothered with this. They are doing what they are paid to do.

It doesn’t paint a clear picture at all.

Because you are missing lots of information and basing your judgements on assumptions that might be entirely erroneous.

Fair enough to make judgements about people based on how polite they are to you, but the reasons for how they choose (or are able) to spend either their time and money will be complex and are none of your business.

There are a million reasons someone might not give to the class collection or volunteer for the PTA. It’s dangerous and unkind to make assumptions.

How sick of best teacher mugs and keyrings they must be 😂 you see loads of them in charity shops in the summer .

sticky!

I have given end of year vouchers and cards to teachers and TAs since my 2 started (they're in Year 2), as the staff have to deal with me as a parent and b) my 2 kids with SEN (one of whom has challenging behaviour).
I don't put school staff on a pedestal, but they have made (thus, far) a massive difference to my children's experience of school.
If you don't want to contribute, don't. It's not that deep.