To think people are more selfish now?

[AlertCat]

My theory is that for a long time, there’s been progress towards individuals doing what they want in terms of personal freedom to marry, wear, do what they like as a hobby. Etc. Which is good!

But this has developed into a culture in which individuals have either forgotten that they still belong to a community, or have decided that what they want trumps other people’s preferences for everything .

For example, everyone should be left alone to live how they want to in their own home. On the other hand, this shouldn’t extend to them playing loud music, or using power tools, at any time of the day or night. (Unless they live in
a very isolated home.)

Other examples might include dropping rubbish, parking inconsiderately, listening to music or Instagram reels without headphones on the train…

AIBU to think more people have stopped considering their neighbours when deciding to use noisy things, or am I getting old and will soon be talking about ‘back in my day…’?

(And yes, my neighbour has just decided to go outside with some sort of angle grinder and start stripping his fence or his shed or something. At 8:30 on a sunny Wednesday evening.)

I think that since lockdown/covid everyone is now out for themselves. People give little thought to other people these days.

Definitely. As someone who walks everywhere it’s noticeable. Parking on pavements. Groups of people walking in lines towards you forcing you to walk in the road.

We have a quiet room at work for lunch breaks where I read, one woman plays screaming Tik Tok videos in there.

I think people have become more self centred and self absorbed. Too much looking inward and focusing on their 'authentic selves' and not nearly enough interest in other people. This does lead to selfishness and a love of rights, but less love for responsibility. However, I don't think the manifestation of that is neighbour noise and litter as neither of these are new problems. Littering in particular is far less prevalent that it was 'in the good old days'. I suppose in the 70s fewer people had noisy tools though.

Yes, totally agree. People seem increasingly oblivious to the people around them. Music on public transport, talking in the theatre, driving the wrong way down a one way lane to save 30 seconds…

I agree, I always try to be self aware whilst out and about, giving way, considerate parking, moving on footpaths to let others pass, not making too much noise in the garden, bringing neighbours bin in etc.

Some days I wonder why I bother? The level of either self entitlement or the number of people oblivious is tiresome some days.

Same it has always been, people only notice it now because many are worse off than they were before and few learned anything from Covid.

Plus ça change.

I agree, community spirit has evaporated in a lot of places, all people care about is themselves.

People are generally more rude and aggressive too. I have a visible illness but most people used to be courteous or indifferent about it, but since the pandemic I’ve had people laugh in my face, tap each other and then mention my visible illness and laugh. I don’t like blaming the pandemic for things, but people do seem to have had personality transplants since then.

I agree.
Since the onset of social media and covid it has spiralled.

I was just speaking to my ds about this earlier. People have definitely become more self absorbed and less respectful of others and their surroundings. Everyone just seems out for themselves.

I've had times in my life where I've not really felt connected to people around me. I like to think I hold myself to good standards but that's got to affect how you behave.

I have seen a marked shift in rudeness in the past few years. People drive more aggressively, too. There seems to be a sweeping lack of consideration for others and just a general sense of entitlement too. I witness bad behavior from people every single time I go out in public and this isn't something I noticed six or seven years ago. I feel like people no longer feel that they need to be polite and are all too happy to start an argument with a stranger. I blame Covid. It really seemed to all start after that.

on the times I refuse to walk in the road so a group of or pair of people can keep walking straight at me, I get aggressive glares. When I challenge people parking on pavements I’m met with aggression.

I work in retail and experience huge entitlement. People wanting personal stylist help from ordinary assistants. We’d love to have time for that, we just don’t and I’m sorry. Then get angry when we suggest booking a free personal stylist appointment.

people can be horrible but i believe it’s often because people haven’t been taught Basic social etiquette over the years. and of course, sometimes they are just horrible 🤢

I disagree, my neighbours in the 70s used to burn there garden waste all the time I remember the clawing smell. No one picked up dog shit. There was loads of litter. People used to wolf whistle and be openly racist.

In some ways absolutely (e.g. dropping rubbish).

In other ways I think life has changed drastically and some people’s expectations haven’t kept up. Like what exactly is parking ‘in considerately’. Ask one person and they’ll say someone else parking outside their house. 40 years ago when there were far less cars and far more space it may well have been rude, but now there’s far more cars and no more road people just park where they can and I think people need to adjust expectations about ‘their’ space on the road.

Similarly with noise. Life is much more 24 hours than it used to be. To a parent with young early waking kids 9am might aswell be the middle of the day, to others it’s early and they’d like to sleep till 10 on a Sunday. Similarly (going by your example) 8:30 on a sunny Wednesday eve is early to a young professional who might not get home from work till 7/7:30 pm, their whole evening is ahead of them and they need to get household jobs done. Yet you’ve deemed that far too late for DIY.

I think the majority of people who bemoan others being selfish are actually far worse themselves. They can’t possibly see past their own situation and worldview to understand why someone might act differently and life a whole different life to themselves. They expect others to consider them but don’t consider what others have going on.

This obviously doesn’t apply to blatantly rude things like littering, leaving dog poo, openly mocking others etc

but I think some peoples ideas of rude vs polite vs just neutral are quite outdated.

And neutral is a whole other thing. People are quick to label behaviour as rude or polite but there is a middle ground. E.g. it’s polite if you reach a door first to push/pull it open and then hold it for the person behind you, before then passing through it yourself. But as long as you don’t just let it slam on them it’s not rude. It’s perfectly neutral to reach the door first, go through it and do that reach back with the arm thing to hold it open whilst the other person has the time to reach their arms out to then take the door off you.

This is what happens when then social contract breaks down.

I agree. I think so many people have become self-centred over the last decade or so. This is reflected in people on buses who think it's fine to play music out loud or watch films/videos with the volume on full. Also parents who let their kids run riot, screaming in restaurants etc. Able bodied people on public transport taking the priority seats and refusing to offer obviously disabled people their seat. And parents with buggies refusing to move or fold their buggy to make space for wheelchair users. I could go on and on but I'd be here all day! One example of supreme entitled behaviour I witnessed a couple of weeks ago was a guy trying to get the bus I was on,with one of those boom boxes blasting out a racket at full volume. He was fully intending to get on the bus with it going. Thankfully the driver was having none of it and closed the doors on him. Bloody unbelievable.

110%

Also the so called connected and transparent era we are living through has had the exact opposite effect. We would rather talk on Mumsnet than to our neighbours. Buy from Amazon rather than the shop down the road. Misinformation is what we experience every single day rather than elucidation. I despair for our kids 😞

Legacy of Thatcherism and more recently the behaviour of Boris Johnson.

Yes I totally agree, there is very little sense of duty or personal responsibility these days sadly.

Working for an antisocial behaviour team i can assure you, you are absolutely correct..

People are getting more unreasonable with each other, but also ruder and more unreasonable to staff than ever before.

I don't know; I think some people have always been selfish and some more community-spirited. I think the extremes are possibly more extreme now, in both directions. The internet may make some more aware of people beyond their doorstep, while for others it just encourages them to walk about glued to their phone, ignoring and sometimes barging into people.

I dont agree, i think it depends on what you notice, confurmation bias etc. Emerging technology has perhaps added to more noise in public places, but easy to ask to turn down. In general people are fine and polite

I agree. I've just come out to pick up my daughter & have given way to four people on a road with lots of parked cars. None of the four drivers could even be bothered to raise their hand to say "thank you". There is so much entitled behaviour.
Don't even get me started on the neighbour who has garden speakers & thinks we all want to listen to her music.
Or the people in front of us at a school show in church this week who left all their rubbish under their chair (despite staff reminding everyone to take it with them)
Or people who eat crisps in the theatre or cinema.