To think people are more selfish now?

[AlertCat]

My theory is that for a long time, there’s been progress towards individuals doing what they want in terms of personal freedom to marry, wear, do what they like as a hobby. Etc. Which is good!

But this has developed into a culture in which individuals have either forgotten that they still belong to a community, or have decided that what they want trumps other people’s preferences for everything .

For example, everyone should be left alone to live how they want to in their own home. On the other hand, this shouldn’t extend to them playing loud music, or using power tools, at any time of the day or night. (Unless they live in
a very isolated home.)

Other examples might include dropping rubbish, parking inconsiderately, listening to music or Instagram reels without headphones on the train…

AIBU to think more people have stopped considering their neighbours when deciding to use noisy things, or am I getting old and will soon be talking about ‘back in my day…’?

(And yes, my neighbour has just decided to go outside with some sort of angle grinder and start stripping his fence or his shed or something. At 8:30 on a sunny Wednesday evening.)

I often think this and worry for my DC. Especially with driving. I am sure that not even that long ago people were much less aggressive on the roads - giving way, letting you out, at roundabouts and lights. Now everyone pushes in, hogs their spaces, squeezes through, and is very quick to show rage or frustration at the wheel.

Cycling with my children feels so fraught in a way that it never did when I was a child. As a teen it was my main mode of transport and I went everywhere by bike, never being edged out, sworn at, cut up and beeped at. Now it's every time we venture out.

Parking is absolutely the biggest F YOU people seem to enjoy giving themselves days. Pavements blocked, dipped kerbs obstructed, car park lines ignored. Cars abandoned where it suits other to leave them, with no consideration of the impact on other road users or needs for access. Our school run is so so unpleasant because of the lack of consideration of parents who seek only to get their child to school safely and give not one tiny shite about all the other kids.

Things like GP surgeries and A&E always show people at their worst - being shouty or demanding to low paid members of staff who try to explain politely the reasons for what's going on. The way parents are school vent on WhatsApp or even to staff at pick up is so intolerant of any slight slip up or omission.

My DC have taken part in lots of sports/clubs that require everyone to take their turn on a rota to help. Everyone used to sign up ahead of time and then play their part as agreed. Now the rota gaps are relentless and those who do begrudgingly turn up when cancelling is threatened don't really pull their weight and wander off on their phone or vape instead.

Is it because everywhere is busier? The cost of living? The need for everyone to work more hours all the time? Or is everyone just really really unpleasant?

I think people are more or less the same, we just tend to notice wild behaviour more.

I don’t think it’s a covid thing, I’ve noticed it happening since way before then. I noticed it setting in around 15 years ago. Before that, people did seem more compassionate and community minded. Having said that, I’m mid 30s, so perhaps I wore rose tinted glasses when younger and actually as I’ve got older I’ve realised more how unpleasant a lot of people actually are and that their politeness is a front a lot of the time only if something is in it for them!

I've been thinking about this a lately as I also wonder why I bother trying to be a decent person but I don't think it was COVID, I think it was Facebook.

People realised they could be as rude as they like and say pretty much anything, and not only were they not shut down they found people agreeing with them and joining in. Things they'd never say irl they could say.

I think they were then emboldened and started behaving like that in real life. Now nobody is worried about being called a dickhead or called out on bad behaviour because they'll just tell you to fuck off.

It's turning the world into a very unpleasant place.

What time would you prefer your neighbour to do DIY? They will almost always be disturbing someone, no matter when they do it. By the time DH and I finish work, exercise, have something to eat, take our DC to/from activities, we don't have massive windows of time to get things done! I don't think we're selfish, but we might do DIY at 8.30pm.

I agree with you overall. For me it's seeing bags of dog poo everywhere. The pinnacle of 'I can't be arsed to deal with a situation I have actively chosen, so I'll spoil this lovely area for everyone else. I love my dog though'. Ugh.

There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish sometimes, it's probably better for mental health. Rudeness is a different matter though.

Do you really not have time at the weekend?

I agree OP. I was at the theatre on Wednesday and tickets weren't cheap. Someone next to me was on his for a lot of it! And at the end, the amount of people just stood in the way and not looking where they were going. I think I may have hit someone with my mobility cane because he squeezed right in front of me where there was virtually no room

I think there's always been selfish people, but we're living on top of people more than before (large population increase on a small island) so you're statistically more likely to run into assholes. There was definitely a 'calm' couple of years 2021-2022 where fewer people were out and about and commuting to work or going to a restaurant felt a lot more chilled.

My NDN basically thinks her way of life is superior to others and she can tell everyone on our street what to do, how often to cut their lawns, hedges etc. She thinks it's still the 1950s and people should spend every moment they're not at work doing chores around the house and garden. Every time she speaks to me it's to moan about something I've done or another neighbour has done wrong or to try to bully me into picking up a leaf which might have fallen into her garden from mine. I remember there being 'odd' neighbours like her in the village where I grew up in the 80s, so I don't think it's a new thing.

100%. People have no consideration for others. Driving standards has massively reduced. Even things like standing in the middle of the supermarket aisle having a chat gives me the rage!!! It’s like people are in their own little bubble.

Yes, agreed. I’m glad there’s less sexism and racism (although it hasn’t disappeared).

I actually had to laugh at a woman in Sainsbury's who walked round the end of a set of shelves to where I was putting something in the trolley. She looked at me and said/did nothing , like the cat would do if she wanted past. I moved, but I shouldn't have done. I should have said: "Will I move? Does Polly want past? Does she?"
.

Personally I don't agree. I was born in the 70s and maybe it was just the area I lived in, but I'm sure that littering was worse then than it is now.

And the sports club rotated thing. Surely that's just because there are fewer SAHMs than there used to be? So people (understandably) have less time to volunteer, rather than being intrinsically more selfish.

Some weekends- yes! We don't always do our DIY in the evening (and we don't do that much at all really 🤣). DH and I both have elderly parents who need support. So last weekend I was sorting stuff with my parents and DH was away with friends. This weekend we're going to stay with DH's parents to help them.

But my point was - if we got the angle grinder out at 10.30 am on a Saturday we'd still be annoying someone - someone relaxing in their garden with a coffee or sleeping after a night shift or putting their baby down for a nap...

Disrespect Culture :the clap back

Aggressive Banter

Culture Wars

Anxiety

Everyone being encouraged to advocate for something, ally ship, generally be challenging.

Me first brigade.

But there was always dick heads, the 80s was all about "greed is good" and snide, catty women with good manipulation skills. There was often bad messaging.

Driving has definitely become more aggressive and less courteous.

I do think though that there are many people community minded, litter picking, decent folk who consider their neighbours although you're more likely to meet them in the suburbs, country and small towns than in city centres. The city centre in which I was born is now a hell hole of antisocial behaviour and filthy street.

The problem is people are willing to enjoy the peace and quiet provided by other considerate people/neighbours but are not willing to contribute to the peaceful environment themselves.

For someone to enjoy their music in their garden, their next door neighbour can’t be playing loud music in their garden. For someone to park inconsiderately wherever they want, they need other neighbours to not park wherever they want. For someone to drive super fast down a residential street, it needs to not be littered with parked cars and other speeding drivers.

People want the freedom to do whatever they want but also want to benefit from other people sacrificing what they might want to do to be considerate to others.

This

I was walking to work yesterday and it's a wide-ish road (not massive but enough for two people to pass each other safely)

5 separate people walked past me while pushing me onto a busy road

This happens at least once every time I walk that path (Oddly,it's normally older gents that make a point of letting me pass safely)

I would walk on the other side but it's got workmen there at the moment and the only way you can walk down is to walk on the very busy road,into the line of traffic

At work it's got worse

They seem to walk in order and expect their food in their hand within 5 seconds

I've been screamed at,had my hair pulled,punched,sworn/spat at and one bloke followed me halfway home while screaming at me

All because they don't get their bloody meal within the 5/10 seconds at peak time

"But this has developed into a culture in which individuals have either forgotten that they still belong to a community"

They haven't forgotten, it's simply that there no longer is community.

But you are correct, greater individual freedom does mean breakdown of consensus, codes of conduct, social norms, mutually reciprocal considerations for others...

I don’t blame any specific politician. As someone who was a teen in the 1960s, I’d say the change started then. Societal restrictions and stigmas were reducing, thank goodness. But it’s gone too far IMO.

So much is down to individual families and their own standards. The lack of any discipline (and I don’t mean physical punishment) comes at a huge cost to those of us who still encourage respect and consideration into our DC and DGC. Just ask parents and teachers.

The suggestions and arguments being put forward on here are really interesting. Thanks all!

seymour5 exactly this 🥹

The sports rota thing can't be because there are less SAHM now. Because all their children are there at the activity - someone brought them and collects them. And often those parents are there, sat watching, chatting with others or on their phones.

They want their child to be part of the activity and benefit from the time and energy of others that is freely given, but they fail to understand that they need to also offer that to others. Like all the idiots who rock up to parkrun wearing a t-shirt advertising how many times they've run, but never ever ever offer to help marshall or volunteer themselves. They must square that in their heads by assuming all the people marshalling don't like running or something....

😂

I agree although I have become more selfish myself. I’ve always been a conscientious people pleaser, always a rule follower and very polite. But growing up in school I was completely ignored, never told off but also never praised or rewarded. Seeing all the naughty children being rewarded constantly for ‘normal’ behaviour was infuriating. So now I am more bolshy and will ask outright questions because if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

I started a thread in Chat similar to this. I'm visually impaired and sometimes use a mobility cane to get around. For reasons only known to everyone else, it makes me invisible. I get walked into more even when there's plenty of room for both of us.

I know we don't need to socially distance anymore but I don't understand why people need to walk so close to me either?

And don't get me started on loud music. I have a neighbour who plays loud music at all hours. I've even been woken up at 4am by him. I suspect he's got speakers next to my wall which he's been told to move