Unpleasant altercation - who was the most unreasonable?

[zerofeeling]

Took my dogs out today and was trying to park in a small space between two cars on a country lane. As I was inching back to fit into the space I heard a loud crunch 😖

The two men from the car behind had just set off on their walk, as I got out of my car one of them was heading back towards me shouting why did I try to park in such a small space. I said sorry and inspected the front of his car - couldn't see any damage at all, and apart from a tiny paint scuff nothing on my car. I said to him 'i can't see any damage, it doesn't look like I hit you'
Man just glanced over at his car then asked me for my details, I asked is that necessary and said again there's no damage. He said that's not the point you have to give your details if you've been in a collision. He was much taller than me and sort of fronting up to me repeating that he wanted my details and me refusing, saying I don't think it was a collision, I think I might have hit something underneath my car. (For info my Mum and a friend have both been scammed on their insurance by people who claimed all kinds of things after very minor prangs)

Then he took an ID wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open to show a photo and badge and said he's Police. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. He held his phone up and said he's filming me refusing to comply with the law.
By this time the other man had come back and also filming me and I started to worry - I'm in a secluded area, with two men who are much bigger than me. I told them I felt intimidated and are they trying to scam me?

I got in my car and tried to shut the door but 1st man held onto it to prevent me. I asked if he's trying to detain me and he said no but I will if you don't give me your details, I've identified myself to you as a police officer. I said you've got no right to detain me. Eventually he let go of the door and I had to turn the car round as the lane is a dead end. Once I turned round he said again that I'm breaking the law by refusing to give my details after a collision and he started to recite the Caution they give when you're arrested! I drove away very shaken up, no idea what consequences to expect.

Totally if they are bonafide police then they could get your details anyway. I maintain that you did the right thing purely because you felt like you wanted to get away as quickly as possible and no one can prove you weren’t or didn’t feel intimidated. Preventing you from getting in your car was out of order. I do hope they have learned lessons from this too.

100% agree. Real police would have access to this information, They could have checked it there and then telling her that is what they were doing. OP might have been more reassured as opposed to the aggressive manner on a lone female.
If I was you OP I wouldn't bother with this thread anymore, there are some complete twats on here today it seems.

I would have been terrified - two men being intimidating on a lonely country lane, and no visible signs of damage to either car. I'd have got away ASAP and gone to the local police station to report the situation.

Totally op, plus you met the legal requirements if you called the police afterwards anyway. The uk gov website says if you haven’t shared your details you must call and report.

Most women would if truth be known, including most of the writers on here but they feel safe behind their keyboards where they can slag others off.

You couldn’t see any damage apart from a tiny paint scuff

So you could see some damage

You cannot always see what damage has been done by simply looking.
You hit his car loud enough to make a noise.
You should have left your details.

Except, these men weren’t looking for women to attack. They were out for an innocent stroll by the sounds of it. Then their property was (probably) damaged and the stupid woman who did it refused to offer means of paying for said damage by providing her insurance details. She needs to stop hiding behind being all so innocent, she sounds an absolute menace.

Heis not allowed to access the police data base for a personal matter.

To be honest OP, you weren't leaving the scene because you felt intimidated, you left the scene because you didn't want to accept liability and give your details after a collision.

He asked you perfectly reasonably for your details, you refused to give them, then denied that you had hit his car when you quite clearly had, then tried to make off from the scene.. he reminded you of the law and you carried on refusing and trying to leave, do you honestly think they would have acted any differently if you had been a bloke? I'm not sure about the police badge part, but anyone would have done what they did recording the person and car leaving the scene of an accident.

It's nothing to do with being a woman, it's to do with you doing something wrong and trying to get away with it.

All of this would have been avoided if you had just done what you were legally required to do, all this talk about your mum being scammed and Sarah Everard is just a bullshit smokescreen, you hit his car, you should have given your details, but you didn't want it to affect your insurance so you fled the scene.

Sarah Everard was not murdered by somebody “posing” as a police officer. He WAS a police officer. He used his warrant card under false allegations to get her into his car. Don’t minimise this.

They didn't intimidate her, one of the men approached her and asked for her details, then when she refused, reminded her of the law about giving details, everything else escalated from there because OP suddenly decided she hadn't hit the car even though there WERE signs of damage after a loud crunch, and then she tried to flee the scene.

I think it is pretty obvious that if OP had given her details, took photos and done what she was supposed to they would have gone their separate ways with no escalation whatsoever.

If someone whacked my car then tried to deny it and drive off (OP had only just got there, so it was obvious she wasn't actually leaving at that moment anyway.) I'd be pissed off with them and would probably record them and their car leaving too to make a report.

What OP did was a "hit and run" at the end of the day.

Where did I say that? 🙄

No one is minimising the Sarah Everard case, but comparing OPs situation to it or alluding to the fact this is what was happening, or could have happened to OP is just disgusting.. these men weren't out hunting for a woman to murder, they were out for a walk, minding their own business?

She hit someone car, they asked for her details.. everything that happened after that was of OPs escalation.. and there is NOTHING to suggest that the two men were, or were going to do anything to her.

I'm not sure what the law is surrounding declaring yourself as a police office when off duty, but OP was about to complete a hit and run, maybe they wanted her to know how serious an offence it actually is before she made off.

People need to stop comparing this to Sarah Everard. That poor girl was attacked and killed FGS...a police officer showing his badge and holding the car door are not the same. Stop using a tragedy to excuse your actions

Im not saying it's unreasonable to "feel" intimidated.

But your feeling isnt a fact.

The facts are, you were moving in your car. His car was parked and empty. You hit something to cause a crunch. You thought it was his car, because you checked it. You refused to give your insurance info. He identified himself. He videoed you and your vehicle. He held your door (which i dont think was sensible but also imo understandable when you were refusing any responsibility and that would be frustrating)

He asked for appropriate info for the situation, he didn't touch you and you were happy to argue with him until there was video evidence of you refusing to give your insurance info at the scene of a collision you caused.

Saying he could see your reg and could have just, what remembered it without a video or photo of it? Then use his job as a policeman to look it you up in a database? Surely that would be intimidating?! - using his position as a policeman to look up your data? He doesnt want to know where you live, just your insurance provider.

And it's hard to be sympathetic when you were the one who caused a collision and repeatedly argued in order to avoid taking responsibility and think by saying "I was intimidated" means you didn't owe him the insurance information, because you were quite happy to stand there disagreeing until he started filming you doing the wrong thing.

This!!

You should have taken really detailed photos of both cars on your phone so the date and time of the photos was obvious and given him your details. I would have also started to film him if he was filing me. Doesn’t sound like he was really a police officer though. Seems more of a scary thug type. I’m would have asked for his badge number so I could check and then if he really was a police officer o would have sent the video of him acting in a threatening way into his employer.

Police after carry their IDs for example in the North East they can ride the metro free of charge on the understanding if there is an incident they would assist and may need to ID themselves

OP hit a car and attempted to leave the scene refusing to give insurance info that is a crime so it would be reasonable for them to ID themselves and adviser her legally she should be reporting the accident and giving her insurance (not her personal) info

At no point did OP say he had a warrant or attempted to enter her vehicle. I absolutely agree with how awful the sarah everad comparisons. This is not the same.

Apologies I should have clarified he was posing that he was there in his capacity as a police officer

This situation OP describes isnt the same

So Op would have reacted differently if it was women, who turned out to be police who acted same way when she became non compliant when doing the required exchange? Why would female police have acted differently ? What if they were black women?

Who is being sexist? OP, looks like.

OP is just reaching - she was trying to run from responsibility.

Was it your mum who taught you to drive ?

Seriously 🙄 everyone can read for themselves where you hit his car and than repeatedly refused to give your insurance details thus escalating the situation.

Me too @zerofeeling i think you did the right thing under the circumstances. Yes you are supposed to do xyz in a ‘collision’ (again which there wasn’t any actual evidence you hit the car or something under the car etc) BUT safety is priority one!

let’s say something happened to you, the amount of people that would then victim blame and say ‘well you should have driven off’

the Sarah Everard case is one such case where victim blaming was widespread with the ‘I would of’, and the ‘she should of’ brigade!

people will turn this around and say you were just trying to get out of an insurance claim but if you were genuinely concerned before and then after he pulled out his police badge then you did the right thing for your safety.

for some pp saying “take gender out of it”, no gender is very important in the dynamics of this situation the same way age would be too (old man for example would feel similarly threatened I imagine) - why do people think women teach other women ways ‘not to get attacked’ then pass this on to our daughters - of course gender is relevant when talking about intimidation dynamics (esp with strangers).

you reported the incident to the police (and I presume insurance), so did the correct thing imho

I hope your update will showcase you being vindicated by their actions being proven to be unacceptable (and also they have evidence if their intimidation which I’m hoping will go against them!)

OP hit a car and attempted to leave the scene refusing to give insurance info that is a crime so it would be reasonable for them to ID themselves and adviser her legally she should be reporting the accident and giving her insurance (not her personal) info

Legally though, she was required to give her name and address NOT her insurance info. (I know practically that it’s quite often just telephone numbers these days but the law states name and address).