Christmas presents

[OliviaVine]

A bit of advice needed please. We are a large blended family. We have 6 children between us, all under 18 except for one who is 23 and moving into his own rented place next week. Obviously Christmas is expensive with 6 children/young adults and each year we have spent pretty much equal amounts on each. Are we being unreasonable by spending less on our eldest at Christmas going forward? He works and is in his final year at uni, or does that seem mean, just because he is older than his siblings and has moved out? Our other children are 7, 8, 12, 15 and 16. I wonder if a single thoughtful gift is fine given his circumstances rather than cash (or lots of gifts) equal to the younger siblings.

Spending the same on the children whatever the age is the fairest thing to do

I do agree but at what age does it stop given that the eldest is 23?

Depends really. Personally I'd explain about their age so they'll be getting less but you'll be willing to help throughout the year for an unexpected bill or if they need new tyres for their car etc. At that age I didn't need a gift I hadn't chosen at Christmas. I'd much preferred physical help or something unexpected.

I’m 37 and my mum still spends the same amount on all her children

Is he your child or your dp’s?

In my family it stops when you have children of your own. You really need to reduce the budget for all not just one.

I think it is fine to drop the amount spent at 18, or 21, or whatever. Just make sure you explain in advance and do the same for younger siblings when they get to the same age.

I don't think it should stop?

Why does it stop? Do they become less your child at a certain age? Spend equally on all children.

At what age are they reciprocating with their own money (not necessarily the same £ but the thought that counts)

Mine. Why is thar relevant?

Growing up I’d estimate my parents maybe spent £200 ish each on my brother and me. Now they spend about £40 ish each on us. I’m amazed people think they carry on spending the same when the kids are adults.

We stopped spending the same on our eldest (30 this year) after he got married 2 years ago.

We mainly only spent a larger amount on him between leaving uni and getting married because we didn’t have as much when he was younger (10 year gap between him and the middle one).

I imagine we’ll reduce the middle one’s down after uni and the youngest the same. After that they will all get the same.

We usually spend about £800 on the younger two for Christmas at the minute and now the eldest is about £150 each for him and our DIL. When they’re all at the same level, we’ll probably do about £200 each.

If he’s financially ok I’d reduce his or if he’s still finding his feet, maybe reduce it a bit this year and then down to what you feel is right next year.

I don't think gift giving needs to stop for adult kids, you just naturally start spending less on presents for them because they are able to buy themselves whatever unlike their younger siblings. You can switch to a smartshow 3d Christmas video and call it a day but that would be kinda mean imo, especially when everyone in the family gets a gift. Depends on where he is financially now, but for this year I'd probably reduce the amount spent on gifts as a whole, not just his part.

But they spend the same on each of you, I think that's the point. The amount spent should be reduced for everyone, not just one child because they happen to be older.

Spend the same on them. Especially as your eldest is just about to move out and spend their first Christmas living alone, they’re not exactly going to be rolling in money.

Spend the same.

If you really need to spend less, spend less on the younger children. They need less.

They have their housing, food, water/electricity all catered for for them. They have limited interests, and lose interest quickly in the things they do like . They have no costs.

Your eldest is going to be paying for all this themselves. Life is going to be more difficult for them. Life is going to be fuller with more things they need, and likely more thing they actually want too.

If it has to be unequal, more should be spent on the eldest.

But ideally, spend the same. The eldest doesn't become more unimportant just because they got older.... Right?

Nothing wrong in my opinion by spending less on adults. Perhaps you ought to consider a modest Christmas in general, nothing wrong with that.

If he's moving to his own place give cash, the same value you'd spend on the other children.

Spend the same on each child and you never stop ...they your child...age isn't part of it

Buy less gifts for everyone.

I wouldn't spend the exact amount on each child, but I'd spend less on all of the children.

Spending less on him seems mean. I think it's better to spend less on everyone overall if you're struggling. My mum has always spent the most on my younger sister (even now she's 32!) and it always felt like proof she was more loved. If anything I would spend more on older kids because they realise the monetary value of things more.

This.

It used to stop at 21, or when the young person managed to get full time work. If budgets are tight, of course you prioritise actual children. Mine wanted cash, rather than presents, it depends on the person. I never wanted anything back, except a token gift. My youngest is now 27 and the family haven't done gifts for around four years. On here, I'd say that most have a bit more disposable income and are very materialistic. In RL, there's a change when children become adults and everyone is fine with that, as long as it's the same for everyone.

Is the eldest yours or your dh’s child?