Is she batshit?

[Driftingawaynow]

My friends (best mate of decades and her husband ) have a party every year, usually there’s loads of kids there. It’s about three or four hours drive away from where I live.

This year they have decided no kids as they say they want everybody to be able to have fun and that it’s going to be very boozy. I have no one to look after DC and so told them I would not be able to attend. My friend is v upset with me

They said I can bring my DC, but no one else can , so that I can attend, obviously I don’t want to because it would be shit for my DC and I don’t want them at a really boozy adult party anyway, especially when usually there’s loads of other kids running around and they have a lot of fun. Not to mention everyone else who has had to sort childcare or not to go.

She’s now said they are not going to throw one of these parties again and it’s talking about wanting to move away because “everyone is so flaky and rubbish”
I think she’s being bat shit, but she’s really upset with me, like the whole childfree wedding thing, I think you just have to take it on the chin if you’re gonna introduce rules like this and people don’t come to your party. What am I missing?!

She is indeed batshit. And very self centred.

Best friends for decades

and this is the first time your best friend has behaved like a nasty 15 year old pre Madonna bully?

Pre-Madonna 😆

How old are your kids? Can’t your 16 year old babysit? And maybe he’s your only anyway?!

Does the friend and her partner have no kids?

If she didn’t want kids there she should’ve asked everyone well in advance (like 2 months+) If all guests have kids it stands to reason that some may not be able to make it.

she isn’t being unreasonable wanting an adult party, but she is being unreasonable being upset that you have to mind your child.

?

Tell her she’s too old to be throwing tantrums.

I think if they are hosting a party, they are perfectly entitled to make their own rules. You can attend or not.

16, he has SEN so can’t leave him

Absolutely true. But is the host also entitled to spit her dummy out if someone doesn’t want to go because of their rules?

😀

It took me by surprise yeah, I mean over the years obviously we’ve had our ups and downs, but this doesn’t feel like something I could have predicted at all

No. That bit is weird.

hosting is hard work and expensive. Everyone else having fun at your expense whilst you run around like a blue arsed fly.
so, does everyone take their turn?
if not, then it’s possible she’s had enough.

Very good point. Maybe that’s it, some other people host but their parties are pretty legendary. I don’t have space to host, but I tend to be the one organise get togethers. They basically don’t come to them, their choice, I try to be inclusive and don’t hold it against them

Nope

A post- madonna would never behave like that ! 🤣

Trying to work out what on earth Madonna did at 15 to get herself labelled as a bully. Especially when she’s always been Madonna 😂

This. Have had many child free parties (and a wedding) but it’s perfectly understandable if people then can’t make it. Friend sounds like a drama queen.

I can barely remember the time pre Madonna…she always seems to have been with us!

Feeling validated thank you

She doesn’t sound simply unpleasant

she sounds utterly heinous

and after many decades of being besties, she’s never revealed this poisonous side to her?

how old are you other kids?

My guess is that last year, some of the kids annoyed her in some way (eg broke something, mess, some parents weren’t supervising their kids) and she doesn’t want to deal with that again this year…! She prob knows your 15yo fine hence why she’s happy to make an exception.

Can’t he come along, do some gaming for a bit? Socialise if he wants to?

Does the host not have kids? Or are they being babysat?

Playing devils advocate (and I agree she’s thrown her toys out of the pram in an unhelpful way) - my best guess is she probably wanted one child-free day with her mates after hosting for whole families in the past, and those mates have replied with (probably not in so many words) ‘it’s too much effort to find childcare, we pass.’ Of course it’s fair enough to decline invitations for whatever reason, of course, but the context matters.

I doubt you’re the only one who gave this reply (as is your right) but she’ll probably be feeling like the effort is a bit one-sided, and on those with kids’ terms. It’s likely you’ve borne the brunt of a response that everyone should have had a smaller slice of (which is unfair on you) but maybe this isn’t just about this party for her.