Is she batshit?

[Driftingawaynow]

My friends (best mate of decades and her husband ) have a party every year, usually there’s loads of kids there. It’s about three or four hours drive away from where I live.

This year they have decided no kids as they say they want everybody to be able to have fun and that it’s going to be very boozy. I have no one to look after DC and so told them I would not be able to attend. My friend is v upset with me

They said I can bring my DC, but no one else can , so that I can attend, obviously I don’t want to because it would be shit for my DC and I don’t want them at a really boozy adult party anyway, especially when usually there’s loads of other kids running around and they have a lot of fun. Not to mention everyone else who has had to sort childcare or not to go.

She’s now said they are not going to throw one of these parties again and it’s talking about wanting to move away because “everyone is so flaky and rubbish”
I think she’s being bat shit, but she’s really upset with me, like the whole childfree wedding thing, I think you just have to take it on the chin if you’re gonna introduce rules like this and people don’t come to your party. What am I missing?!

It’s a line from Ted Lasso. Roy insists it is pre-Madonna because “before Madonna female vocalists didn’t have to work that hard.” 😂

She’s perfectly entitled to say no kids and that she wants a boozy grown up party.

she’s nuts for getting cross cause people are declining cause they don’t or it doesn’t suit them

She's hustling a party at her house. She can choose to just invite adults without being accused of being 'self centerrd'

@Driftingawaynow how old are her kids now? Where will they be?

why can't yours stay with grandparents/other family/school friends ??

it sounds like something is up with her though, I'd be much more concerned about that!

🤣🤣

@Extrapink what ARE you on about? She's hosting a child free party in her home. That's all.

When you say you ‘organised get togethers’ which she never comes to op, did you pay for everyone?
because that would be the like for like if she hosts you and pays, but you can’t host back.

I remember once being flabbergasted when (then) friends who I had hosted many many times, finally hosted at theirs. A takeaway because they ‘couldn’t’ cook. Takeaway came, and ‘host’ says ‘right, that’s £20 each.’ As if we would ever have charged anyone £20 to eat the food we provided!

What? Why?

then don't use things you don't understand the meaning of?

Heinous and poisonous? Really?

Agree. Even with a SEN child of 16 you can get 'care' for a weekend (it's something I used to do a lot of) or take them with you (he's been invited) & whatever he'd do in 'downtime' at home. Explain that it's different to past years & most SEN kids at 16 will cope with that.

I agree. As someone without children, she’s been lovely hosting the children all this time. I think it’s fine she wants an adult only party with her friends - she just needs to ensure she gives the maximum notice possible next time. Second the poster who mentioned that hosting for a big group is tiring - especially if you never get to be the guest as people don’t offer reciprocal invitations.

I find people are very happy to come to my house in the summer for BBQs with the whole family but very difficult to pin down to an adult only evening out. It stings feeling like your friends are only happy to use you for free child entertainment.

How much?? How many kids? How many night? Any particularly special needs/requests? Like a crocodile that needs hand feeding & walking.

It may well be, but it is not how the poster used it!

Extrapink · Today 15:42

Best friends for decades
and this is the first time your best friend has behaved like a nasty 15 year old pre Madonna bully?

Our DS (sen) is also 16 and DH and I have never had a night out on our own since he was born.

We don’t have any family nearby (or even in the same country!) and with sen children, I’d say it’s more uncommon to actually find someone happy to babysit?

So no, I don’t think it’s that unusual. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would have a party if I could host a pre-Madonna and a post-Madonna.
Sadly, I’m too lazy to have a party…

Does she have kids? It sounds like she has a very poor understanding of life with children because you sound very reasonable.

I feel sympathy for her. She is childfree but has hosted other people’s kids at some expense and effort for several years, but when she moves the goalposts (which she’s entitled to do) no one is interested in her company any more because it’s inconvenient and pricey to get a sitter. Her friends sound a bit shit tbh. She needs better ones.

Of course, with you personally it’s tougher OP because of your son’s additional needs. But let’s be honest, I don’t suppose everyone in her social group has children with physical or learning issues. The majority simply cba.

Shes full on gaga. Can you speak to her husband? Maybe he needs to have a word?

🤣🤣🤣

So this poor woman has given generously of her time and money for years, and now she’s decided to draw some boundaries and stop
letting others freeload off her,
she’s the batshit one??

if you want to go you should reciprocate. Organising events does not count. Hosting is hard work and all you should be saying to her is a massive thank you.

Hahaha

Just cooking dinner, hugely appreciate the responses. I just want to say it’s only me there isn’t going, everyone else is finding a way to make it work.

I’m really glad to have a bit more insight into why she might be upset, I just thought she was being a Fruitloop. to answer questions, she was obviously shocked and pissed off/upset when I said I wouldn’t be coming and now she’s just not wanting to talk about it but it’s weird and awkward. Other people are going but I think there’s a lot of tag teaming going on with mums staying at home which might mean it’s less fun for her, and as her best friend I think may not being there is a bigger deal. I guess there must be other politics with the local group because of her talking about wanting to move, or she’s just taking it very personally that everyone hasn’t arranged a babysitter for the night and the following day when they are inevitably very hung over and having to get home (there’s a drive involved). it makes sense that she does not feel appreciated, might be feeling resentful about the amount of money that has been spent and honestly this has not been on my radar at all, because if I was worried about money I just wouldn’t throw a party, if I threw one I would never expect anything in return. But I don’t because I don’t have the space and I live too far away from the rest of them so clearly I need to think about that more.
in terms of what I could do to make it work, I guess I could take him and we both know that, there wouldn’t be another way around it as there are no grandparents. I can’t leave him with someone he doesn’t know. He would hate it, it would be tiring and stressful with a lot of travel. not the point of a party- it’s supposed to be run isn’t it? I decided it would be too much and I don’t feel it’s very healthy to go out of a sense of obligation for past parties, but maybe that means I’m a dick.
I also found it a bit uptight and controlling of them to do this, like you have to go and you have to suck it up, even if it’s not convenient or it causes other problems. So maybe I’m digging my heels in as well. Again, maybe that means I’m a dick. Personally, I don’t like it when people have childfree weddings, I just think what’s your problem with having kids knocking about if the adults are taking care of them. But I keep that to myself, it’s up to them I just don’t attend

BRING BACK THE LAUGHING REACTION!!!
🤣🤣🤣

And no I don’t pay for things I organise. Hm…

You have one 16 year old with SEN.

How impacting is the SEN?

because is there no way he’d come, have a bit of a chat with other adults and then go at sit in lounge on his phone!