TO be upset at moving thousands of miles to help my parent in old age, and be told your children are too noisy and an embarrasment in the neighourhood?

[QuintessentialShadows]

I am so so sad. Maybe coming here was a mistake. How could I ever think we could live with my old parents while building our new house? I moved from London to North Norway to help my elderly parents in old age and ill health. Now, we are the embarrasment of the neighbourhood because my toddler is noisy when playing outside! I have been given such a bollocksing, and I am such a bad mum for not teaching him manners, as he should NOT make noises when out on his scooter having fun. All it is is a loud and happpy "Wooooooooooooheeeeeeeeeeiiiii" when he goes down a slope in the garden.

They are simply too old, they dont remember what noises young children make when they play. So far the neighbhour hood has been blessed by 2 girl combinations, and the odd boy in one child families. They dont make MORE noise than usual where two or more boys come together to play.

But where do I go from here?

how long is the house build going to take? Are you renting the london house out and could you rent there while you are building?
Will it get better quickly do you think - as they get used to the children?

oh thats dreadful. They should be delighted that your DS is happy if he was swearing or crying all the time then you could understand them being a bit off but he sounds like a happy boy having fun. They will get used to it.

It will take all of you some time to adjust.
The comments about your DS are very unkind and upsetting though.
You have done such a kind thing by moving to be near your parents.
Hopefully this is just a blip?

We have just found tenants for the London house. The house will be ready for Christmas. I was working my arse of yesterday pruning the fruit trees in their orchard, and raking the beds and the lawns, and today I got complaints I had not taken steps to quieten my child as he was embarrasing with his noisy play while I was working. They said, I have to take him in each time he screams. I told them I could not get started on gardening work if I know that I have to take him in as soon as he makes noise. Besides, in England we learn about Indoor voice and Outdoor voice and that it is ok to shout outdoors but not indoors, how can I suddenly start curbing him and taking him inside when he is enjoying himself? What a battle is that going to be? I honestly dont know what to do. Cancel the build and buy something smaller right away?

ask them what they would rather.....him being inside uhappy and crying (and ,aking noise with the crying), or outside and happiuly playing and not crying!!!

you have my sympathies......some people do forget what little children are like when they get older, and yet some people never have the patience in the first place.

I think it very sad when poeple get so cross with happy voices (even tho loud)....(even tho I am one with my own sometimes.)

they should feel very very grateful for all that you have done....you have made a major life adjustment for them!!!!

The neighbours havent said anything. It is my parenst. My dad was mouthing to me about his noise when I was cutting trees, but I did not think it was THAT bad. Only that he was being a bit cantankerous.

Crabby older person having a bad day? That's what I would put it down to. Friends living i Budleigh Salterton had the same happen from someone who clearly though BS was a very large retirement home from which anyone under the age of 30 was banned.

More importantly, you sound homesick. Is is time for a trip back to the ole U K to remember how awful it can be here?

Gosh, they are being unreasonable. How sad. I think you need to hurry up and move near enough them to help but far enough to not have to put up with this. Are you living with them? You're right and they're wrong, obv

Well I am going to suggest that you stand up to them in a terribly nice way. Tbh I am very familiar with the feeling of suddenly falling back into the role of child when faced with my parents but this isn't always helpful.
I think that you should just lay your cards on the table, be firm and say -'don't be ridiculous, he is only making a natural amount of noise and whilst I am sorry if that bothers you, it is probably because you have forgotten that children make noise'.
Tell them that you don't actually care what the neighbours think, and that you would be suprisd if they thought anything at all, I mean it is not as if he is listening to death metal at full volume.
And if it escalates offer to move out.

Wouldn't buying still take a while though (2/3 months?), if you are going to be there until the end of the summer you might as well hold out for the build?
But what about renting somewhere nearby now the london house is rented?
Stating the obvious - but have you sat down and explained what you are saying here (not in a "you ungrateful sods" way, but that this is normal childhood behaviour, they are poliet and well mannered in the house etc).
Could you take the children somewhere each day to run off excess energy?

thoughts are with you im next door to mil
and that drives me bonkers

I was blast ...I have had too many names
first one was cupcakemummy

sorry you are having a hard time, you are doing a good thing and that should be acknowledged, at least you know this. Everybody will adjust, it takes a while to get used to the noise of children , after a weekend off a while ago I was painfully aware of it but they will adjust and you will be happy there.

Carmenere sensible suggestion.

ChasingSquirrels, my oldest is in school, I dont get home with him till about 4 pm, then they are both outside for maybe 20-30 minutes before dinner. My youngest is quiet when he is playing alone, only making noise when he is with his brother.
I am going out with my toddler for most of the day when the oldest is in school.

Yesterday was saturday and I was working in my parents garden for hours, while the children played on their scooters. They were noisy then. Today I am getting the lowdown.

I agree with Carmenere.
Shame your parents aren't getting deaf aswell ;)

My father is very hard of hearing. I have to raise my voice significantly when talking to him...

Thanks Lapin. I need to hear I am talking Crazy talk. I shall go up there, and say, sorry folks. You have to get used to it.

was meant to be a joke - if they were getting deaf they wouldn't hear the boys playing...

I agree with Carmenere too

my parents are pretty old and in particular my grumpy, ill father has forgotten what 3 year olds are like. I shouted at him the other day, because all he'd done was tell her off, but when she was being good (or at least not up to devilment) he totally ignored her, whereas baby DS was getting stacks of attention and of course doesn't get told off. He said (whined actually) 'but she's pulling those curtains deliberately' and I bellowed (he is also really deaf but won't do anything about it) 'she's THREE'. He took my point in the end and has made an effort to take more notice of her. He wasn't even AROUND most of the time when we 3 anyway (always travelling for work) so just has no idea.

Apparently he siad to my mother that he didn't understand 'these modern ways of parenting'; when I said that it wasn't really modern, it was common sense, she said 'well, people didn't have common sense then, it was all children should be seen and not heard' and also that they hardly ever went out when we were children as it was so child- unfriendly

anyway, this is a very long winded way of saying, parents can be infuriating and I see where you're coming from. It'll all be part of settling in together as well,hang in there

QS i totally understand how you feel. my mum is always asking us to "come over" (they are only about 1/2 an hour away) but within 10 minutes i am being criticised about something they do, say, behave etc.. (and they are generally very good children!) I don't think they realise how lucky they are to have their children and grandchildren close by tbh.

If i were you i would sit down with them and ask them whether they want you to leave. They may feel like they are doing YOU the favour, letting you stay with them whilst your house is being built. You need to understand whether this is the case or not. Then they need to realise that if they do want you to stay that children make noise. It's not fair on the children to have them be quiet all the time and it will make you so stressed.

Good luck.

When your house is finished and you have your own space, none of this will matter. A firm "This is how children behave." without getting into a relationship-damaging row about it may be a good idea. Try and ignore it and rant here instead!

what age are your parents QS?