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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Glitter bombs from ex mother in law

68 replies

Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 10:43

Hi there, was in two minds about posting this as seems utterly ridiculous but given the context of my situation I don’t know if I’m over thinking it.
Last week my ex partner was arrested by the police for harassing me and coercive control, he’s on bail and likelihood will be going to court soon, it was extreme but don’t want to go into that particularly as long story, but thought worth mentioning.

He left in 2023 for a women he had been cheating on me with for a few years. I then got in a relationship in late 2024 and that’s when he started to harass me which resulted in police being involved. He tried controlling my relationship and just didn’t like that I had moved on which was bizarre and gradually got worse to quite scary. His mum hasn’t been great and often makes things worse. I use Ai to write my emails to make sure there is no tone that could be misinterpreted out of being worried something will escalate.

Its our eldest birthday today and late last night around half ten 11 at night I heard the door. There are bail conditions that he can’t come to the house so assuming it was his mum. I heard a noise and saw two letters on the doormat for my daughter. I didn’t think much of it until she opened them this morning and glitter went everywhere including into my youngest eyes.

I am just a bit shocked as given the circumstances seems ill thought out but was it just for fun for our daughter? Or done to be petty?
It looks like she bought two cards as same make and got my ex to fill in one and her another but then she signed both the envelopes. I know I should get on with my day at this point and I think I would of brushed it off but with it getting in my daughters eye where I had to rinse it out for several minutes I’m just exasperated by it all.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:
Squeeky112 · 02/07/2025 10:49

Hope your daughter is ok.
Personally, I'd assume it was them not thinking, rather than deliberately causing harm. However, if you have a solicitor / police liaison, then log it with them as I assume he shouldn't be having any contact.
More importantly, get CCTV so you know who turns up at your house. If he is on bail and has restrictions from being near you, don't just assume he will obey the rules - make sure you have a way of knowing.
Stay safe.

alcoholnightmare · 02/07/2025 10:49

I think you’re overreacting. Whilst him harassing you was obviously not on…. It’s just glitter in a card.
I highly doubt either him or his Mum would have expected it to get in your daughters eyes.

Theunamedcat · 02/07/2025 10:52

Was it an actual glitter bomb one or just glitter in a card? If it was glitter in a card it shouldn't have got into her eye?

MrsSunshine2b · 02/07/2025 10:52

I think she definitely did that to be annoying. She'll probably send a kazoo and a drum next birthday.

pikkumyy77 · 02/07/2025 10:53

Of course they meant harm. Don’t be naive. Stalking and harrassing behavior is out of control in the UK and OP has noticed ut getting worse. At the very least the MIL is willingly contributing to abuse by proxy.

CruCru · 02/07/2025 10:56

Honestly? Keep a diary - if the ex is getting at you through his mum then that is important. In isolation, the glitter wouldn’t be that big a deal but given the history I can understand this being an issue.

If his mum is a problem (you mention having to be very careful in communications with her) then do you have to have contact with her? People will say that she is your children’s granny BUT her son is not allowed to come to the house.

Original poster
Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 10:56

It wasn’t like a service type cards where you send it as a prank it was two cards packed with a mix of glitter and my youngest was with her when she opened them. It wasn’t like a sprinkle they were packed. Not wantitn to drip feed but I was advised to get a non molestation order against his mum too. As it has been a year of harassment from both of them but I don’t want to share much more as worried someone close will put two and two together if they were on here.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 02/07/2025 10:58

You say glitter bomb in your title which makes it sound like one of those things people set off at parties which is quite extreme or was it just one of those cards that you open up and glitter pops out?

If it’s the first yes it was extreme and out of order.

If it was the card YABU.

Original poster
Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 11:00

Thank you I didn’t know what that was it was my friend saying this is like a trend on social media usually when someone cheats on someone and said it’s called a glitter bomb. So I think I’m going to assume I’m just seeing it as worse than it is and at worst she was probably trying to be annoying.

Our kids are with them tomorrow so not sure why she couldn’t have waited til then.

OP posts:
Ukholidaysaregreat · 02/07/2025 11:01

I think that they meant the glitter to be annoying and that it would give you a job to do to clean it up. I also think they chose it because it is easy to say it was a nice suprise for your eldest. However the glitter going into some ones eye is just accidental. Sorry you had to sort that out as well. Sounds like an awful situation. I agree to keeping a log and getting a ring doorbell. It will show you who is at the door before you answer it so you can decide not to bother.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 02/07/2025 11:03

If he has bail conditions I’m assuming the conditions state not to contact you indirectly or directly. If his mum is leaving cards from him that breaches the indirect part of the bail conditions as he is getting mum to do it which is the indirect part.

Original poster
Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 11:04

Yeah I don’t think it was intended to harm them, I think that’s what’s made me overact at that point as seemed thoughtless. What is she thinking though with her son being arrested like last week to come over late at night and deliver the cards why not post them? She doesn’t live close.

OP posts:
Away2000 · 02/07/2025 11:05

Glitter bombing through mail is a thing that people do to annoy people. I very much doubt that it wasn’t done maliciously. It’s quite obvious that a card packed with glitter is going to be a nuisance to clear up.

Original poster
Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 11:05

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 02/07/2025 11:03

If he has bail conditions I’m assuming the conditions state not to contact you indirectly or directly. If his mum is leaving cards from him that breaches the indirect part of the bail conditions as he is getting mum to do it which is the indirect part.

Yes that’s one of the bail conditions as he has gone through her before. This was the third time the police have been involved as I’ve wanted it to be something that could be resolved without things going further but the last incident was bad enough I didn’t have a say in the matter and they arrested him.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 02/07/2025 11:25

I don't think that there was anything benign about what she did. At best, it was to make a mess for you to clear up and at worst, it was to get in people's eyes and cause discomfort.

My friend whose tenant trashed her house when she was evicted for non-payment of rent was sent a card with glitter in by this tenant. It was meant to cause inconvenience and harm.

NoSuchBass · 02/07/2025 11:28

The coming over late at night is creepy and intimidating, and in my opinion designed to fuck with you when you're just getting in to a happy birthday-eve settled brain space.

The glitter bomb was 100% fuckery.

In my opinion. I'd report to 101 and ask they take no action, but you just need it reported.

pikkumyy77 · 02/07/2025 11:32

In the US sending this by mail would potentially make this a more serious offence. She doesn’t sound like she us that switched on but she might have hand delivered them for a reason like that. I am generally against them but I think you should get a ring doorbell and cameras for the back door and 1st floor windows. She will continue contacting and threatening you until she us stopped.

CrackingOn50 · 02/07/2025 11:33

Your ex is using his mother to continue his harassment of you.

If it was sent by anyone else then it would be annoying or a joke but this is from a proxy of a man who has a court order stating he should not contact you (including using third parties)

Posters saying it's just a prank etc aren't seeing this as the crime it is.

Original poster
Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 11:40

NoSuchBass · 02/07/2025 11:28

The coming over late at night is creepy and intimidating, and in my opinion designed to fuck with you when you're just getting in to a happy birthday-eve settled brain space.

The glitter bomb was 100% fuckery.

In my opinion. I'd report to 101 and ask they take no action, but you just need it reported.

It was a bit sketchy the bail conditions is not to come to the house or go through someone directly or indirectly. I don’t know for sure who posted them but she signed both the outside of the envelopes and I know it’s her writing compared to my ex who’s is very different. I don’t want to log with 101 as they said any break of these conditions he will be charged and arrested. The children are with them tomorrow for their time with the kids and I don’t want him to be arrested. I think she was being petty but there is a pattern of intimidation and what’s mad is she used to be a solicitor so you would think she would know better but clearly doesn’t.

OP posts:
ExpertArchFormat · 02/07/2025 11:44

You clearly need to get the non-molestation order on the mum. Get a ring doorbell so you can detect malocious visits. Consider how to open non-commercial mail more cautiously eg opening in the garden or putting the envelope inside a clear plastic bag. Ask anyone who is a legitimate contact to let you know if they have sent you something and how to recognise it, so that you know which items to treat with caution. What a nasty piece of work.

OrigamiOwls · 02/07/2025 11:44

Getting a video doorbell or a CCTV camera would be a great idea in the circumstances.
If anything else turns up with her handwriting on it don't open it. Return it to them when the children are with them (hopefully child handovers are done via a 3rd party?). If questioned you can say you don't want to risk anything else getting in your child's eye.

Ohtobemycat · 02/07/2025 11:49

Any sane sending cards packed with glitter that goes everywhere does not like the person that has to clean it up.
This sounds like they knew it would be fun for the child. Did not think about going in her eyes. But also knew this would be an absolute nightmare for you to clean up.
I doubt they meant to harm the child, rather it was a petty attempt to irritate you

WhatMe123 · 02/07/2025 11:52

Everyone knows glitter is a nightmare.....it's been done on purpose I'd say

Noshadelamp · 02/07/2025 11:53

I am not on social media any more but even I know that sending glitter like this is vindictive and meant to be annoying at best.

They knew exactly what they were doing. Spiteful, bullying and passive aggressive.

I'd just ignore, don't show them they've annoyed or upset you.

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