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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Glitter bombs from ex mother in law

68 replies

Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 10:43

Hi there, was in two minds about posting this as seems utterly ridiculous but given the context of my situation I don’t know if I’m over thinking it.
Last week my ex partner was arrested by the police for harassing me and coercive control, he’s on bail and likelihood will be going to court soon, it was extreme but don’t want to go into that particularly as long story, but thought worth mentioning.

He left in 2023 for a women he had been cheating on me with for a few years. I then got in a relationship in late 2024 and that’s when he started to harass me which resulted in police being involved. He tried controlling my relationship and just didn’t like that I had moved on which was bizarre and gradually got worse to quite scary. His mum hasn’t been great and often makes things worse. I use Ai to write my emails to make sure there is no tone that could be misinterpreted out of being worried something will escalate.

Its our eldest birthday today and late last night around half ten 11 at night I heard the door. There are bail conditions that he can’t come to the house so assuming it was his mum. I heard a noise and saw two letters on the doormat for my daughter. I didn’t think much of it until she opened them this morning and glitter went everywhere including into my youngest eyes.

I am just a bit shocked as given the circumstances seems ill thought out but was it just for fun for our daughter? Or done to be petty?
It looks like she bought two cards as same make and got my ex to fill in one and her another but then she signed both the envelopes. I know I should get on with my day at this point and I think I would of brushed it off but with it getting in my daughters eye where I had to rinse it out for several minutes I’m just exasperated by it all.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

OP posts:

Original poster

Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 12:50

I’m on hold now I’m baking cake at same time and I just feel this is all ridiculous but it is a pattern and builds up again and I feel if he was arrested last week and they are comfortable again already makes me feel nervous.

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/07/2025 12:56

If the conditions are that he is not meant to contact you directly or indirectly, and he's had a card delivered to your house, that is indirect contact.

The glitter 'bomb' is a way of upsetting you, and designed to do exactly that, but not be obvious to a child however as he is seeing his child later today, there was zero need to deliver a card to you.

However as both were signed by MIL, it is HER i would report to the police, as well as him/not just him.

justasking111 · 02/07/2025 13:04

I'd get a non molestation order against MIL as well just to tidy things up.

Get a ring doorbell. Because I'm disabled It's been a boon takes me so long to get to the front door I can actually say hang on I'm coming nowish. Takes videos too. Been a godsend

NoelFaraday · 02/07/2025 13:07

Report it and stop down playing it.

If he was exercising coercive control over you, it sounds like you are still going along with whatever he and his mother do.

My reaction would be anger at such a stupid thing to do by having glitter make a mess in my home but you sound very subdued and not wanting to make a fuss.

Your vulnerability at this time needs to be addressed and you need support in standing up to this horrible pair.

Treat his mother as you do him, as the enemy.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/07/2025 13:12

Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 12:29

I’m am exshauted and taking my daughters out with their friends after school for her birthday. I think I will call 101 for
advice and speak to the officer on my case but I don’t have proof of who delivered it and I think without context doesn’t sound that bad.

It sounds like a good idea to let your case officer know and ask advice, At the least, its then on record which is useful in case this escalates. On it's own may not appear to be a big thing, but it is part of a series of things, which changes the context. It becomes more relevant if something else happens afterwards, so it needs to be noted.
At the least... its upset you, due to the dropping it in person at that time of night, which has caused you to worry enough to post here, and that would also worry me, to think that the card shows they feel they can just turn up at your house late at night, without you knowing... and the glitter also upset your youngest.

I hope your little one's eye is OK and that you all manage to have a lovely birthday for your DD.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/07/2025 13:31

My stepdaughter (and, supposedly her child) once sent my late husband and I a card filled with glitter and stars. At the time, I thought that it was just meant to be funny, but I did later wonder given subsequent behaviour.

I'd never send someone a card full of glitter - it makes such a mess.

[ETA Yes, the SD would know that I was cleaning it up - her dad was disabled by then. No, I wasn't the OW and the SD was an adult and had left home before her parents broke up.]

Makingitupaswegoalong · 02/07/2025 13:43

I think she was being petty but there is a pattern of intimidation and what’s mad is she used to be a solicitor so you would think she would know better but clearly doesn’t

She knows exactly where the line is and was winding you up.

GAJLY · 02/07/2025 13:44

My sil hates me. She sent me one of these once. She thought it was great and enjoyed the thought of making mess for me to clean up. I overheard her talking to a family member about it! Horrible cow. So I'd take it as your mil hates you and wanted to annoy you because of the situation.

Makingitupaswegoalong · 02/07/2025 13:49

Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 12:29

You really need to get a ring doorbell if you don’t already have one.

Galaxyandcadburys773 · 02/07/2025 13:54

MrsSunshine2b · 02/07/2025 10:52

I think she definitely did that to be annoying. She'll probably send a kazoo and a drum next birthday.

😂

FancyCatSlave · 02/07/2025 13:54

It was deliberate to piss you off. I’m sure they didn’t mean harm to the kids but it was definitely sent with intent.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/07/2025 13:58

This was designed to be a nuisance to you. There are a lot of responses on here from people who have clearly not suffered at the hands of people like this. I would definitely report it and take photos of anything that arrives. I hope your DD is ok. I got glitter in my eye recently because of a craft project at my work and it was extremely uncomfortable. I hope you’re both ok.

campertess · 02/07/2025 13:59

Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 10:56

It wasn’t like a service type cards where you send it as a prank it was two cards packed with a mix of glitter and my youngest was with her when she opened them. It wasn’t like a sprinkle they were packed. Not wantitn to drip feed but I was advised to get a non molestation order against his mum too. As it has been a year of harassment from both of them but I don’t want to share much more as worried someone close will put two and two together if they were on here.

Maybe they thought you would open the cards to see what was in them?

user1498572889 · 02/07/2025 14:33

You need to get a ring door bell so you can see who exactly is at your door.

MounjaroMounjaro · 02/07/2025 14:56

I do think you should report it. While she might not have intended her gc to be hurt, she certainly intended to make a complete mess of your house. You know it's her handwriting - she's a complete idiot. If you don't report it they will ramp things up - you need to report absolutely everything.

Visun · 02/07/2025 15:09

That's awful. Definitely report it so its at least on record for the future. I would book an opticians appointment ASAP so they can check her eye and make sure there isn't scratches or injury. Start a paper trail in case you need it. Get a doorbell cam if possible.

I would be tempted to message her that her little prank injured her granddaughter. I'd want her to know what she did and how much it affected her grandchild. Possibly not the best idea to engage with her though.

pikkumyy77 · 02/07/2025 21:45

Heregoes234 · 02/07/2025 11:56

Yeah I by no means think they thought that would happen it was just children enjoying presents being opened a bit of a rush before the school run and my youngest was just there eager to see what she was opening. I understand that was a mistake but think that was what set me off as it seemed wrong to have hand delivered them late at night given what’s happening at the moment and the bail
conditions.

It just spikes my nervous system each time.

Show quote history

You beed to short circuit this because your nervous system is taking a beating. Retaliation, disproportionate retaliation, us the only way to teach a bully. Log it and let him get arrested. If he were stalking and harassing another woman would you refuse to support her on the grounds that he is a sometime parent to your children? I hope not. Don’t be an accessory to your own abuse—which is also your children’s abuse. He snd his mother need to learn not to engage in this behavior. Teach them.

Tiredofallthis101 · 02/07/2025 21:59

I agree with PPs - report it. Speak to the officer on your case, as you say, and talk it through with them. But get it on the record. You may really need/want this on record later if things escalate again - and sounds like MIL is definitely testing boundaries. Out of interest why didn't you pursue a non molestation order against her too? That sounds like the safest option. Can the kids see dad through a contact centre to avoid need for you to interact with MIL (assuming you do?).

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