This is how we’re sleeping tonight.. or most nights.

[Sulking]

key code:
green - husband
white - DD (5yo)
yellow - DS (3yo)
purple - me.

2am, can’t sleep, being kicked in the ass and stomach.

I could go sleep in their room but I will be even more sore in the morning as I suffer from chronic back pain after my c sections that I have to have particular mattresses/toppers to be comfortable.

AIBU to want to DIY a double-king size bed across the entire back wall of our bedroom just so I can sleep at night?!🤣

You must have had some very still sleepers. DD was and still is a very fidgety sleeper.

I hated co-sleeping with her. She used to starfish as well.

Yeah, just the one and he was very still and cuddly at night (although sweaty 😂)
my partner on the other hand would snore, twitch (badly) and steal the bed covers. He fucked with my sleep so badly I had to tell him I couldn’t share a bed with him so we slept separately.
I think there’s plenty of adults who are difficult to share a bed with, just depends doesn’t it!

Someone gave me some sage advice when I was apologetically describing exhaustion through my then 4 year old coming into our bed ever night and keeping me awake - being too noisy, fidgety etc. He stopped walking and said ‘don’t ever apologise for comforting your child, get another mattress on the floor if you really can’t sleep and do whatever you need for all of you to sleep’ absolute best advice ever. At 6 now she sleeps in her own bed, but she needed us then and no matter what ‘firm’ or repeated putting back to bed she is was frightened and hated being alone, because she was tiny and that was her. She isn’t now, because she had what she needed and it was no big deal.

OP, get the bed, do whatever it takes to get sleep for your family and your children to feel safe when they’re sleeping, and don’t apologise for it.

Just put the kids in a room together, even a double bed if thry want it. You need to reclaim your bed, sleep deprivation is torture.

I would just keep returning them to their beds, as a last resort could they share a double bed and that way they have someone to sleep beside. .

Hate people leaning on me, lying across me when I’m sleeping . I wouldn’t get any sleep if there were children in my bed. Dh knows to keep to his side of the bed when I’m sleeping.

My mum is an amazing mother, do anything for us and brought us up well with us knowing everyday that we are loved. She had boundaries though and one of those from being a baby was you sleep in your own bed no arguments. It did not diminish her love for us then or now . As a person in her own right she needed space and a good night's kip and we needed to learn to self regulate. If you enjoy sleeping with your kids then by all means do, but if you don't then you arent going to scar them for life by laying down some personal boundaries.

The solution we went for which is what I'd recommend, is move their mattresses into your room and then make it strict that they stay in their mattress rather than your bed. Then you don't have to attend to them in another room in the night, but you have full run of your own bed! And they are less likely to be scared.

I hate comments like this. How is it at all helpful?

Bless you OP. Are they receptive to reward charts?

We went through a period like this with our two. It's exhausting as you don't get a good night's sleep and when they come in you're too tired to take them to bed.

Things that helped...a bigger bed...
Ongoing chats with the DS that it was mummy's bed and that I couldn't sleep with them there and I was tired and grumpy. Works better as they get older.
Telling them they could come for a cuddle in the morning. Helps if they have a clock
Sitting with them to go to sleep in their own beds.
One of us Getting an early bedtime and then making an effort to get up and turn them round before they settled in our bed.
Is there anything waking them?
DS2 currently waking in early hours when his room cools down so I pull his duvet up a bit when I go to bed
Bribery....stay in own bed until a certain time once, then twice etc

I would definitely just diy a bigger bed, adults seem to want to sleep together but children are expected to sleep alone! It won't be forever and once you and partner are ok with the theory of sharing and just don't have the space then stick in another bed!

This. ^ Our DC slept with us about 3-4 times at the most when they were little babies (still breastfeeding them at the time.) Like hell would I have had them sleeping with us past then. You let your children be the boss of you @Sulking and you're in for a rough ride in life with them. Always giving into their demands...? Just no. Ours never slept with us once they got past 6-7 months old.

I have no idea why some people allow their children to sleep with them beyond babyhood (not past 10 months old really.) Sleep is essential for good mental health (as well as physical,) and you can't look after them if you're getting fuck-all sleep and are lethargic, and even ill.

Time to stop this! You're the adult. Stand firm! No-one can sleep properly with kids rolling around and spreading their arms and legs about, dominating the bed! And no-one should be losing sleep because of their demanding children.

I was thinking this. Maybe green DH has his own room!

I’m sorry but the big reason I would say is that you’re on the floor above them, monsters that come in will get to their room first (I’m 61 and still think like this).

YANBU! Make a big bed or pop a mattress on the floor for the kids.

It is SO weird the amount of adults who say they struggle to sleep when their partner is away, but would happily force a small child to sleep alone. It's normal for small children to want to sleep with their parents and it happens every night for the majority of people in the world. It's only uptight westerners who have an issue with it. It won't spoil your kids, it will make them feel safe and secure which is the basis needed for future independence.

You just need to find a way to make it work so you can all get a decent sleep. More bed space is usually the answer.

Sorry you are uncomfortable but as you know this is entirely your fault for being permissive and weak. Get them in their own beds, regardless of tears and tantrums. It is hot, and everyone needs to rest. You are not a litter of puppies who sleep on top of each other. You all have work and school the next day and you need rest.

Do the DC have double beds? Or could they?

We often end up in a similar arrangement to yours, but I never see it happening as they’re so sneaky! Mine have double beds, so when I wake up halfway through the night to discover limbs everywhere and only a slither of space left I go and sleep in one of their beds.

Put the kids together, either in bunk beds or a double or single with pull out trunk mattress.

Assuming that you have 2 bedrooms on the 1st floor and your bedroom on the 2nd, I'd have a big change around and leave year top floor room unused for now. I'd put a double bed in each of the two 1st floor rooms, and put the two children in one, and you and your DH in the other. This way no one sleeps alone and they're not on a different floor to you. I'd aim initially to get it to the point that they sleep together all through the night in their shared room, and you and DH sleep together in the other room. Once that's established, you can move back up to your room in due course (but I wouldn't hurry to do it until the children sleeping comfortably away from you was strongly established). Eventually they won't want/need to sleep together, so then they can go back to having their own rooms.

My children are at Uni now, and I can say we literally never shared a bed with them for a single night. A lot because we have smallish rooms and a standard double which doesn't really have space for extra bodies, but equally because it simply didn't occur to us or them to want or need to. They never asked to come in our beds and we never offered for them to.

@SpidersAreShitheads thank God it wasn’t just me, thought my eyes had gone funny

OP, it sounds like you want them in their own beds.
Does your DH want the same?
You both need to want the same thing otherwise your DH won't do his share in returning them back to their beds and you'll end up resenting him as well as not getting good sleep.

If he's not committed to getting them back to their beds then you need the Big Family Bed.

DS2 co-slept with me until he was 4. He would just creep into bed with me when he woke. The difference was that I am a lone parent so there was plenty of room in my King bed.

I coslept with all my kids but only 1 in the bed max at a time - we have 3 kids so would be v squashed! We moved the other 2’s beds into our room (we do have a very big room) and slept that way until they were ready to go into their rooms. Everyone slept and everyone had space. Could you set up a little area for them to sleep in your room so they can feel safe but you also have more room?

My 11 year old only just stopped coming into our bed! 9 year old still comes in most nights...

Also hardly a brag, to miss out on all those lovely cuddles 🥰

I once knew a beautiful family. They had about 6 children. The main bedroom was just that, lots of beds all up against each other, lots of individual duvets and pillows. Children became independent sleepers as they felt like it, and in the meantime everyone had room to sleep. Their bedroom wasn't show home worthy, it was practical. I'm not a parent, but I always remembered and admired that.