This is how we’re sleeping tonight.. or most nights.

[Sulking]

key code:
green - husband
white - DD (5yo)
yellow - DS (3yo)
purple - me.

2am, can’t sleep, being kicked in the ass and stomach.

I could go sleep in their room but I will be even more sore in the morning as I suffer from chronic back pain after my c sections that I have to have particular mattresses/toppers to be comfortable.

AIBU to want to DIY a double-king size bed across the entire back wall of our bedroom just so I can sleep at night?!🤣

Without wishing to alarm you, your husband is not in your bed, a stranger blue/purple man is there instead! Get the kids out quietly and call the police.

Best thing we did was double beds in the kids rooms. Plenty of room wherever anyone ends up!

Fuck me you must be boiling.

I miss the laugh reaction! 😂

This was me and exh for about 4 years with our two DD’s. Except most nights he went and slept in one of their beds and left me to it. Can’t you and dh at least take turns doing that for now?Then blitz their bedtime routine during the summer holidays? I started to suffer with awful bad back and joint pain during those years, entirely cured by them sleeping in their own beds (and a new fancy mattress).

Issue might be worse because you're on a different floor. Do you not have a way to sleep on the same level?

Most people seem to forget that the majority of adults sleep with another adult every night!!!!!!! And these are children.

I think sharing a bed meant for two adults with a spouse or partner is quite different to this! Also, they are hardly toddlers anymore - my two year old is already massive with long, heavy legs. There’s no way I could have her sleeping opposite me like this and I’m quite short.

OP, this reminds me of the four grandparents in bed on the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I’d be creating some excitement about sleeping in their own room at this point.

Sorry, but this is absolute madness.
Your children need to be out of your bed and in their own beds.
Why are parents so reluctant to upset their child?

It’s not popular here but mine used to do this. I was knackered and couldn’t keep taking him back to bed and he wouldn’t let DH do it. His bed isn’t big enough for us all to go.

It randomly stopped nearly three months ago. He sleeps in his bed now. Comes through for a cuddle an hour before wake up time very, very occasionally. We didn’t change anything, no strict changes, no sleep training. He just got there and decided he liked his own space.

My body is grateful but I do miss it too!

As if life isn’t hard enough! Why do some kids call all of the shots, even toddlers! This is what stands out to me. There is no parenting. No guidance about the dangers of constantly being exhausted. A key life skill is becoming slowly independent! No wonder society is in decline.

Sorry.. DH is BLUE 🤣 I think I was tired

Sulking, you and your OH have to be very firm with your children and stop this sleeping madness now! None of you are getting a decent nights sleep by sharing a bed as you describe in your illustration. Nor can you and your OH have a healthy ‘relationship’ with two children sharing your bed! (Yes I know, having sex isn’t restricted to bedtime)

I know it will be tough and you’ll both feel like ‘the bad guys’ for a few nights but your current situation is ridiculous to be honest.

As for the children being scared in their own rooms……..make it a pre-bedtime routine with both children to playfully search the rooms and shoo every imaginary monster, or whatever it is, away. Consider night lights, they help in case a little one wakes up.

The longer you leave this problem the harder it will be to break the habit.

at this age many children need to feel close to their parents. 5 y/o is peak nightmare time in my experience and the 3 y/o is so little! I’d get the extra mattress rather than get all strict about own beds. It’s actually pretty unusual from an evolutionary perspective to expect our little children to be happy sleeping away from us

Don't buy anymore double beds, like others have said spend a week getting them back in their own beds. Think of your back.

If I had to relive my life, I’d remove the bed frame and buy mattresses to cover the floor for optimum space for everybody.

And yet billions of children sleep happily every night in their own beds. Enjoying a restful, full nights sleep without interruption or angled like a pretzel to find some space. Seriously! How can these children possibly concentrate at school, or not be irritable or constantly tired. You are doing them no favours at all.

There is no harm in them wanting to sleep with you. You won’t make a rod for your own back!!!!

Tell this to my friend who still has an 11 year old sharing his bed because they never broke the habit and it is far harder to do after over a decade of bed sharing, with a child you can't physically lift out of the bed and who follows you to another room if you are the one to move!

The English are so funny about forcing kids into their own beds no matter how they feel. My husband is Japanese and it was alien to him - he grew up with a family bed. So we brought two super kings and put them next to one another and for years that was the family bed and it was brilliant. We have four kids! Nobody was squashed, the kids felt safe, we could creep in and out without waking them. I have so many happy memories of that time.

Hahahah

No wonder the divorce rate is so high!

Where is the intimacy and togetherness for the couple in the evening? Where are the late night personal chats about feelings in privacy? The lie ins and lazy mornings? Watching adult films together late evening? Just the two of you.

It’s really damaging to have zero time with your dh/dw. The children are monopolising every spare minute.

Or maybe that’s how it is set up to avoid being close and spending time together - perfect excuse! Then they grow up…and there is no marriage left, it’s dead in the water.

Assuming you have a bedroom big enough for two super kings.

Just go and sleep in one of the children's beds once they fall asleep until you can get them to stay in their own beds.

When mine was young and scared of sleeping in their own bed, I got a large sheet of people and drew a picture of our house in cross section, so showing all our rooms. I then made paper cut outs of all of us. I then played with it with DS, telling him when he was in bed, here was mummy and daddy downstairs, listening and looking out for him, etc and so on through to us going to bed, still looking out for him, and us getting up and being in the kitchen and looking forward to ds waking and joining us. It really helped him. I think it helped him to visualize that he was not really alone when he was in his room. We were still right there, looking out for him.

Co sleeping was magical for us, DC just stopped around 12/13 and that was that. Would have stopped it earlier if it was an issue but it wasn’t. I miss those days.
You have to make it comfortable if you’re gonna do it, and consider how to make space for sex in your life obviously but there’s nothing wrong with getting an extra bed, and/or making their beds more comfortable so you can use them. Doesn’t sound like you really want to make them sleep in their own beds and that’s fine if it’s how you feel.

I am you! But a year or so ahead. My eldest now rarely comes in. So there’s hope op. It happened naturally and now if I’m honest I sometimes miss her being in with us. Both start off in their beds but end up with us in the middle of the night. We have a super king sized bed and it’s the best thing we ever ever bought. We all sleep as there’s more room.