To go part time even though it will impact our quality of life

[PerfectPennyKilledMyHusband]

I was recently made redundant not long after returning from maternity leave and I'm currently deciding what to do next.

We could actually afford for me to just take something part time, low stress. I could work 3 days and spend 4 with my little girl. We could comfortably afford all bills but it doesn't leave much for luxuries.

Or I could go for a similar role as my last job, full time which would mean barely seeing my daughter Monday to Friday. But we would have a lot more spare money for things like holidays.

Part of me thinks I should go part time as it would only be for a couple of years until she starts school and then I could go back to my career. But I accept it would be harder after a break. I can't really do part time with my career, so it would mean taking a big step down. Which could then be a struggle to get back up.

But we aren't having any more children, I'm only going to have this time with her once.

On the other hand, I love holidays. And I want to provide for her and give her the best life possible, so maybe I should work more even if it means I get less time with her?

I went p/t until they were in high school. It was the best decision ever for us.
We had enough money to go on cheap but fun holidays but no money could compensate for all those years enjoying the kids.
Now they are teens and quite rightly want to be with their mates over us.

A 4 day week in most jobs would be 28-30 hours, perhaps more if people compressed their hours into 4 days, so not dissimilar to the number of hours you work

It sounds like your quality of life will be much better, you will just be missing out on holidays. Go part time, spend time with your daughter as PP have said, you won't get that time back

It’s so personal, but I have done both and I and my children are a million times happier for me being part time.

For me it would depend on how little money you’d have for the fun stuff. One of my friends did this and went back to work full time in March because she has found that actually having 4 days off but not having any money to so much as get some lunch, a coffee or go to softplay is really a bit rubbish- especially in the winter. I loved my maternity leave because I was constantly out & about so if the funds were enough that we could continue to do that then I would probably do it but if like my friend it would be a case of doing it with pretty much £0 in spending money I wouldn’t.

i was part time and it is ingrained not to go out for a coffee, i took my dc out every day but no spending was always required. i may have had membership to certain places but did not need to drink coffee

Go part time if you can afford it. I worked part time when my DC were little - mixture of 3 and 4 days at various times. I transitioned back into full time work easily enough and that’s what I do now they’re 10 and 12. Tbh it’s now that I need more money - they’re getting expensive! You’ll not get the time back

I work part-time and doubt I’ll ever go back to full time tbh. At the most I will go from 3 to 4 days once kids are older. The work/life balance is so much better with three days, I have so much other stuff I do now and my priorities have shifted I guess. Obviously I’m fortunate that we can afford it and all that. If it severely curtailed our ability to do stuff then I would have to reevaluate, but certainly while kids are young I would rather have that time with them and penny pinch a bit.

what does your partner/DH think? surely it's a joint decision between you two?

ultimately, there is no right or wrong. you just need to figure out what your priorities are.

We got smart with spending to live well on one decent salary. Charity shops/ second hand / house swap holidays/ side hustle hosting foreign students. When the kids are little they don’t care and it’s a cliche you don’t get those years back. Then as they get more independent and expensive you can up your workload and lean back in to use that wanky phrase..

Do what works for your family (and that includes your dh) - don’t listen to anyone saying dogmatically that there is a ‘right’ thing to do and that working any particular number of days is ‘best’ - whether that’s zero, full time or anything in between!

fwiw I worked 3 days from when ds was 3 months old (length of mat leave back then)
i returned to work at 6 months after my next two children (Mat leave increased by then) doing first 3 days then increasing to 4. I stepped back up to full time when youngest turned three. This doesn’t mean my way was ‘right.’ Just that it was right for our family. What matters is raising happy healthy children. Mine are adults now and all very happy and well adjusted. The only thing I would do differently now, if I was having babies in 2025, would be to transfer some of my leave to DH, because I think it’s brilliant dads have the chance now to have that time and brilliant for the child too. Unfortunately didn’t exist when I had my babies, but with up to a year mat leave these days and the chance to transfer some it’s a no brainer to me

can’t say on the family side, depends too much on circumstances

Look at the job market in your area to see how realistic part time is. MN has quite a few posts of people trying to step back and not got jobs. employers worry you are overqualified and may move on after they have spent time training you.

Do you have the skills for the jobs that are PT and are they up to date?

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. I do think there's a difference between working in a full time job where you can stick to those hours and have a short commute, versus a full time job where huge amounts of unpaid overtime are expected with a long commute on top. I also think vocation is key in terms of how likely it is that you can return when you want to, and at what level.

I also think it's good to consider the medium term too...in terms of future implications when school age. I was full time when DS was a baby and negotiated part time before he started school. Childcare at school age would have been more complicated to sort out and it was more important to me to be able to be there for him after school than when he was a baby tbh...although that's just personal preference. I have the best of both worlds though...I do all drop offs and pick ups but earn decent money in-between. IMO it's easier to have a well paid job and negotiate part time than find a well paid part time job...but I do think sector is relevant.

Yes part time. It will increase the quality of your family life. Luxuries are optional.

The days with young children are so precious, you can not ever get them back - once they are gone, they are gone forever.

You can however work full time, and have luxuries at any time in the future. Surely the ultimate luxury is time with your child, to feel relaxed and be enjoying your life.

there is no one size fits all ultimate luxury - what a strange idea! For me, being able to continue in the career I’d worked through university and beyond for, 3 days a week, was the best of everything - plenty of time with my children, excellent childcare for them while I was working and no pressure on dh to have to rise to dizzy heights and work crazy hours to be sole provider - because actually he loved spending time with our children too.

its odd that some posters think there’s a ‘right’ way of doing things

LT1982

sorry I wrote that too quickly! I’m pt with no option to be ft (retail and that’s their contract for everyone) and I meant dh doesn’t see me as working working because I amn’t ft, and would rather I got a different job, I was telling him the reason my friends and their partners are pt too but he feels that shouldn’t be a thing, he only sees money not quality of life/ being with the kids

When I had young children I went PT. Now they are all grown up and if I went back in time I would definitely stay FT. My career was completely derailed, financially I took a massive hit and I'm still playing catch-up twenty years later. If it had been a thing then I should have asked for compressed hours.

Disagreeing here and looking back as mine are now grown up.

30 years ago my employer, City, accommodated me working three days a week (unheard of then). I hated it. Overnight, I became more operational than strategic and nursery drops were very restricting and exhausting. If I'd gone back f/t I'd have had a nanny. DS got ill (chronic asthma) and I gave up work after a year.

When DD settled in reception I went back to work and got a little part-time job locally. I did two years around school hours about 18-20 hpw. Never have I been so stretched. Part-time and pretty much doing as much work as the full timers and around for all drop offs and pick-ups and "half the week" so felt everything at home had to be tip top with minimal sub-contracting. It was exhausting and I was never enough to all men. Full-time with an au-pair was soo much easier but dd was almost 7 then.

Also, many friends have found that it's the teenage years when children need you most, the time they might go a bit off the rails in a variety of ways. We have lots of friends where one party has gone part-time or stopped working in the teenage years. It might be worth keeping part time powder dry for then.

But to prioritise holidays and lifestyle over time with your child(ren) if that's possible, I am afraid is beyond my comprehension. I can switch back the clock 30 years to the comments about how lucky we were I had been able to give up work but from couples who both drove big German cars, ski'd in winter, sunned in summer and did expensive occasions.

There is no right or wrong answer.

My contribution is that whilst for you time with your little one is precious, my children don't remember much before about 5 and, for them, their childhood memories are more 6-11. During thier teen years, being able to afford stuff like going to a festival as a family has kept us together more..

I also don't think its easy to assume future you can earn money as easily as now you. You might get ill, your child might have to have extra support, there could be economic decline! So the phrase make hay whilst the sunshines comes to mind.

I suppose I am leaning to working more when nursery and childcare is easier, and backing off work as school comes into the mix. You might be more senior then and be more flexible.

But that said, whilst my chikdren don't remember thier early years, I do have some lovely memories of toddler group and I'm important too.

This is my view as well.

Also, those saying teens don’t want to be with you. Maybe not, but they want lifts to sporting events, to meet friends etc. It’s a lot easier to get flexibility for this if you are in a strong position career wise.

I don't understand the insistence that your current role and his role cannot be part-time. Unless you are 24*7 on call, there are times when you are not there. Job shares are possible. Head of state would struggle, pilots and some medical roles have minimum hours because of more onerous CPD, but even then I know a part-time pilot (instructor), part-time consultant anaesthetist etc.

Dropping hours when your DD is young makes sense, but deliberately downgrading your role does not and you will never regain that level if you start down that path because you damage your CV. Get a full-time proper job and put in a flexible work request. Your DH meanwhile can absolutely adjust his hours of he chooses to; fine if he doesn't want to - but you should recognise that is a deliberate choice.

@GRex That's my view too. If OP could remain in her chosen career path but work 3 days a week and they'd be fine financially I think it wouldn't be too damaging, but to get a much lower paid job in a different field will devalue the work experience she has built up in her previous role. It will be too much of a slog to build the career up again once you have had 2-3 years in a lower status role. It will likely set her back many more years than the years she has been out.

It's quite hard to find part time roles though in some careers. You tend to have to find a full time role and ask, but obviously they can say no. Its easier to ask when you have proved your worth doing the work full time for a bit and they want to keep you as you were so amazing.

I suppose it depends on the sector and what other options they have.

Sure, at any time it might be more or less tricky to get any type of job. Flexible working requests can also be denied in some cases. I don't think OP should set her career back by a decade or so based on a hunch that it might be tricky though, I think she should start off intending to keep her career and looking for roles that fit her criteria.