To go part time even though it will impact our quality of life

[PerfectPennyKilledMyHusband]

I was recently made redundant not long after returning from maternity leave and I'm currently deciding what to do next.

We could actually afford for me to just take something part time, low stress. I could work 3 days and spend 4 with my little girl. We could comfortably afford all bills but it doesn't leave much for luxuries.

Or I could go for a similar role as my last job, full time which would mean barely seeing my daughter Monday to Friday. But we would have a lot more spare money for things like holidays.

Part of me thinks I should go part time as it would only be for a couple of years until she starts school and then I could go back to my career. But I accept it would be harder after a break. I can't really do part time with my career, so it would mean taking a big step down. Which could then be a struggle to get back up.

But we aren't having any more children, I'm only going to have this time with her once.

On the other hand, I love holidays. And I want to provide for her and give her the best life possible, so maybe I should work more even if it means I get less time with her?

Depends. Are you married? If not, then absolutely stay full-time, If you are, why don't both of you work 4 days a week and you'd still only need childcare for 3 days. You could maybe even work 5 days over 4.

Are you married?

Full time
There is waaaay more to life than the baby and toddler stage and it isn't even the nicest bit. In fact, it is pretty boring and unfulfilling. At least with FT you would get some nice holidays and more mental stimulation.

My partner and I both work 4 days. Best of both worlds really! Both kept our career going and 3 days a week with the kids works great for us.

Part time, there’s nothing nicer than having days with your young child without having to rush out of the door so that they can get to nursery and you can get to work.

they grow so quickly, time really flies! You won’t get that time back. Make sure your other half is on board and contribute towards a private pension if possible.

If you have a partner who will have to work full-time to be able to afford all the bills, etc., then I think it's up to them.

Thanks for all the responses.

Sorry, yes I am married. DH is self employed and his hours are his hours regardless. In an ideal world, we'd both work 4 days but that's not an option sadly.

When I was on mat leave he took over all bills which was fine. My maternity pay covered stuff for DD and days out. When I went back to work, he suggested he carried on paying the bills and my wages covered holidays, fun stuff and savings. That was working really well until I was made redundant.

Because of that, he doesn't feel like he will be taking on more financially so won't be resentful. He doesn't seem to have a strong opinion one way or the other, I wish he did!

If I go part time, the pro for him is he will do less housework as I'll be working less so would do more at home. But he isn't really fussed about that as he's always happily pulled his weight at home.
The con for him is we'd have less disposable income, the only real significant difference that would make to our lives is no holidays abroad for a couple of years. But honestly the idea of that bothers me a lot more than it bothers him!

Ok, but what about that thing you said that you can’t work part-time in the career you currently have? Would you need to change careers, and is it even possible for you to get back into the career you have now if you leave for a few years? I wouldn’t want to do anything that could jeopardise my future earnings.

If he’s self employed I absolutely would not give up work, especially if it will seriously affect your career.

self employed he doesn’t have sick pay. No death in service, no holiday pay, bereavement leave, none of the PAYE benefits. No pension.

yes you can buy insurance, set up pensions etc -has he done that? If he is going to be the main earner you need top of the line fully comp which is not cheap.

what happens if he gets sick and can’t work? He won’t get paid? Even worse dies, no pension or death benefits.

what if work dries up? Or a couple of clients don’t pay and you’re out of pocket.

what if he leaves you? Self employed people can hide income more easily and you may end up with no financial support?

imo self employed isn’t a “no luxuries”
lifestyle. You need to have a significant sum put aside to cover emergencies such as longer term sick. Alongside all the insurances he needs to be paying into pensions for both of you.

don’t do it. Dh was self employed for a bit and there were a couple of occasions where me working pulled us through- one was when a client went bankrupt on a big job, the other was when his mum was terminally ill and he had to take a lot of time off to see her. If for example you were ill, or your dd, he’ll still need to be working or you’ll have no income.

Agree.

Part time all the way, OP. When you look back in later years you will be glad you spent extra time with your DC x

Holidays abroad with babies aren't that great!
If you enjoy time with your child then go part time, if you enjoy your work, go full time and make the most of weekends.
I went part time with no regrets. Meant I could take DD to school every day, minimal after school care as DH WFH a lot and my Mum could pick her up. Could go to assemblies, school plays, without any difficulties.
As she's got older she's actually needed much more of my time and for me to be present so being p/t has allowed that.
Stony broke for years but actually financially fairly comfortable now.
Do what works for your family.

Although I think the post about the impact of your DH being self employed is a very good bit of advice.

It’s a very personal decision.

For me I never considered working part time. I don’t think the damage to career is ever fully repaired (for most jobs) and actually working full time when they’re at school is so much harder to manage. I also believe that when that time comes, most husbands (shitty ones yes, but a great deal are) won’t be willing to relinquish the balance – and they will jolly well need to. Plus I love money and spending on luxuries, but that’s just me.

You need to weigh all this up for YOU.

@Mauro711 that's correct, part time isn't an option with what I do now. So I'd be going for something much lower paid, but much less stress and hours. I don't think it would be too difficult to pick my career back up in a couple of years, but there are no guarantees so obviously it's a risk.

@Whosenameisthis he has life insurance and critical illness cover. Has paid into a private pension since becoming self employed. The only thing he's not covered for is holidays, but we won't be able to afford any anyway!

I'd still be paying into a pension working part time, just not as much. And this will only be for 2-2.5 years. I do completely appreciate what you're saying though, if he was to be off sick long term that would be an issue.

I don't think he'd leave me (who ever does though?) but if he did I'm not worried about him screwing me over financially. I only say that because he has an older daughter, my stepdaughter, and I've seen first hand how he's provided for her and I have no concerns. He declares everything properly and pays his fair share, he'd never consider not doing that.

You've given me lots to think about though so thank you!

2 days is not enough when they’re tiny, sorry.

Mine is 9 and I still only work three days.

does your child’s dad work 3 days as well?

if not why is 2 days not enough for you, but is for the other parent?

I hope you are paying into your pension and you have decent savings in your own name. I grew up with a mum who ended up a single parent and no way of supporting us.

Go part time.

Full time nursery isn't great for children.

I work FT and would never consider dropping to PT, I feel like it is often the worst of both worlds.

I'd also want to provide my child with more than just the basics and be able to spend good quality time with them on holidays etc.

Another that says talk to your dh, told my dh today how many of my friends work 4 day weeks and a no of their partners do too so they can do school runs/ help with homework/ their kids can do activities and he said ‘but that’s a want not a necessity’, they should be thinking of money. I work 30 plus hours mw job and it kind of irked me but it goes to show how differently people think

I wouldn’t work FT just to pay for more expensive holidays, or a cleaner / gardener!

But then I don’t particularly value those things 😂

Currently debating how PT to go after mat leave myself, it’s a tricky one!

It isn’t just to pay for more expensive holidays or a cleaner.

it’s to protect your future, and that of your family. To ensure that you have a pension in old age, and if anything happens to your partner you are still able to support yourself and your child. Death, divorce, sickness, any of these can mean you are left struggling financially, and may never get back to earning a decent wage.

i value not being a burden to my children in old age. Being able to pay for my own care. I want to have some sort of life when my children have left home, and I don’t want to be back at a minimum wage job to pay rent until I’m 70.

also, now my children are adults, the lesson they learned seeing their mum do better in her career and earn more was very valuable.

full time - I worked full
time in the nursery years as a lone parent and felt such crippling mum guilt. I work with lots of women who were privileged enough to have the option of being part time and told me I’d regret it. I don’t . Those full time years have enabled me to give my child the private medical care and private education she needs, which has given me peace of mind.

for young children - nursery age - they need an adult to meet their needs - but it doesn’t need to be you, it can be a nursery key worker. As they get older and life gets more complicated they need more emotional input that only a parent can give . So I’d suggest retraining to be term time only - ideally a private school teacher with a staff discount if I had my time again - I’m fortunate to be a good earner so haven’t needed to retrain but if I was starting from scratch I’d work in education in some capacity and have the option to have school holidays off - best thing ever for my quality of life

Could you do four days a week in a professional role similar to what you are leaving?

It’s not about holidays or luxuries for me, but financial stability. Overpaying the mortgage, getting savings so they can have all of the opportunities possible, saving in their names in junior ISAs etc, being able to fund all the classes and tutors they might need or enjoy. And yes, amazing travel opportunities.

Mine are both pre school age. The earlier years in nursery are the easiest to work I’ve found. Especially if there is hybrid working available, so there is no commute some days and less time in nursery. Once they are at school nursery (and I imagine school will be the same) childcare is harder, I’m finding my eldest needs me more. I’m hoping to be around more as they’re in early primary

You are not being unreasonable but there is also the option to work 4 days or compress hours to do 3 longer days- still get extra time with your child but not have to take such a pay drop. This is what the majority of my friends/colleagues do