To be really disgusted with SIL's behaviour

[itsgoodtobehome]

I'll start off by confirming the usual MN response - yes, I really don't like my SIL. She has pulled so much crap over the years that I have known her, that I really dislike her. However, I have always held my tongue and tolerated her. We have now had an incident that might have just tipped me over the edge, but the thing is, it doesn't really affect me. It's just another example of her entitled, spoilt and narcissistic behaviour which makes me really not want to have anything more to do with her.

SIL is single. Never been married, never had kids. She has however, been having a 'relationship' with a married man for the best part of 20 years. They had been dating, but he then decided that he wanted to marry someone that wasn't her. But rather than end things with SIL, he decided to keep her as his bit on the side, and she was happy to go along with that. He gave her the usual spiel - he married the wrong person, he didn't really want to be with his wife, he was going to leave but needed to wait until the kids were older, etc etc. This went on for 20 odd years, with her taking the scraps offered to her and waiting for the magical moment when he would leave his wife. Finally that moment came. Only problem is, it wasn't SIL that he left for, it was some other poor sucker who had also fallen for the same story. No idea how many others there may have been.

SIL is now beside herself. Posting all over social media about how she has been let down, betrayed, she's going through a trauma etc. Totally playing the victim. In my view, this was completely predictable and she is just as much to blame as him. Hasn't given a second thought about the wife and kids that are the true victims in all of this.

Like I said, this really has no impact on me, but I am just so sick of her 'poor me' behaviour and am finding it really hard to have any sympathy whatsoever, and it's just generally left me feeling quite sick that she has such a low moral compass. I just really don't want to have to engage with her any more, but if I give my reasons, does it just sound like I am being judgemental?

YABU: It's got nothing to do with you and you should just let it rise above you and not judge
YANBU: This is really disgusting behaviour and you are perfectly within your rights to not wish to engage with a person with such a low moral compass and has been a pita the whole time you have known her

Saint Joliefolle is the only explanation I can come up with. Her ability to muster empathy (not sympathy) for everyone no matter who they are or what they’ve done is truly wondrous and it makes sense that she no longer has the time to spend discussing anything further with us mere mortals

😇The irony being, of course, that it's by knowing that saints don't exist and that my personal back story of never having cheated and of having a happy and faithful marriage means absolutely sweet FA in terms of my understanding of human, or mere mortal if you prefer, empathy. I didn't say I have the ability to muster empathy for anyone. I said in theory I have the ability to muster empathy for anyone. Because I'm human, and empathy - its importance and it challenge - is what makes us human. If you want a different answer from a human one, ask ChatGPT, which will readily reassure you of your righteousness if that's the kind of 'empathy' you're after.

Are you drunk?