AIBU to feel so stupid and sad and cross? TW abortion

[RoastyToasty123]

I went into peri-menopause about 6 months ago, and after a delay on starting HRT as my GP would not prescribe due to family cancer, I started about 8 weeks ago and I feel a million times better - it even stopped my periods - result! (Spoiler-not a result)

DH was told many years ago that he was likely infertile, and we have not used contraception nor have I fallen pregnant in the 10+ years we have been together. A decade. He is mid 50s, I am 48.

and pregnant. I am about 6 weeks. I have adult DC so I sort of recognised the feeling,
and took a test this evening. I made a furtive trip to Tesco and couldn’t even remember where the tests would be on the shelves.

we have talked, I’ve cried. A lot. I know what needs to be done, and we are 100% on the same page. I absolutely do not want another child or pregnancy, but I just think I’m in complete shock.

how can this have happened? After 10 years? (DH was previously married a while back and again, no pregnancies.)

Oh hunny, there can always been something that happens and it sounds like one of those moments. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, and ignore anyone that judges you. 🫶🏼 it’s a lot
to contend with, I really hope you’re okay 😙

Don't feel stupid

Thank you for being kind. I keep crying even though I’m not in any doubt about next steps. I just feel… sad. And I don’t feel I have any right to be.

You do what is right for you.

sending love ❤️

Course you have a right to be sad x I'm sorry, it's not nice.

I think I read that sometimes women have a surge in fertility before menopause, sort of a last ditch attempt to use up the eggs. You’ve been unlucky. Sorry you’re going through this

You have 100% right to be sad or angry or relieved or whatever emotion you experience. Because abortion rights are under threat there are lots of stories about how people had no problem choosing one and only felt positive emotions and that is totally true for some people. Some people also struggle with sadness or guilt, some people feel furious about the whole situation. All completely valid.

It sounds like you have a partner you can talk to, so keep communication open. Give yourself a lot of grace to feel what you're feeling and take yourself to bed if you need to or go out and distract yourself. Whatever you need.

Also recommend someone professional to talk to. There are services that wont challenge/ question your decision but will help you talk through it.

You have every right to everything you are feeling. Its a total shock to your system.
Take some time, speak to a councillor (marie stopes offers support)

This is a massive situation for you to be in, its no wonder you're in shock.

You have every right to be sad, Op.

A nurse I know had a placement on a gynaecology ward when she was a student. She said that quite a high percentage of the women who came for abortions were late 40s. So it happens to others as well, you shouldn’t feel stupid. But that doesn’t make it any easier for you. Take care.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and that your partners doctors got it wrong, after 10 years and nothing it must be quite a shock for you both. You feel whatever you are feeling but I'm glad your partner is supporting you. Might be worth your partner considering going for the snip or using condoms until you've fully gone through the menopause.

You have every right to be sad OP, your feelings are valid.

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation x

All I can do is send my support. You must do whatever is right for YOU.

Are we absolutely sure it’s pregnancy and not a random surge in hormones causing a line? I swear I’ve read about that happening. My instinct will that be nature will take care of it with an early loss/chemical before you even have to concern yourself about an abortion.

I'm so sorry, OP. I'm 49 and have had no periods for six months, I absolutely dread this.

Thank you all so much. I don’t know what i expected posting here; DH has been amazing, but ultimately he’s not a biological parent (and my kids were a bit older when we met, so he’s not had to play that parental role) so I don’t know that he can understand it. I don’t even understand it.

I had to tell my line manager this morning as I cannot take personal calls in my role but am awaiting a call back so had to get permission. I’ve known him for years, and I didn’t have the energy to lie. He’d have known anyway. He was kind, you’ve all been kind, the GP receptionist was disarmingly kind on the phone… and I just feel like I don’t deserve it.

I have no idea, but it is certainly not a risk I want to take to wait and see...all I can think over and over is about what is happening in me. I shouted at the preg test last night like a loon - as if asking it to change somehow would make a difference.

Oh OP, please don't feel stupid, you have done nothing wrong and haven't been stupid or naïve or whatever other emotion you want to attach to this.

You have every right to feel confused, hurt and shocked, please be kind to yourself, take the action you know is right for you.

Take care

It didn't even cross my mind as a possibility when they stopped, as obviously we had successfully avoided pregnancy for 10 years. I'll admit the first year or so I was nervous, but no contraception for nearly a decade and then this at this final blinking hurdle.
As I waited for the result last night I thought about the logical steps if it was positive and I was totally fine, until the line came up and all my calmness went out the window.

I’m sorry op. Just because the decision is absolutely the right one, it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Be kind to yourself.

Oh OP, I really feel for you. What a hideous maelstrom of emotions you must be feeling. Lots of love. x

Ignore the shit like this OP, no one pushing their agenda on a women like this deserves a moments thought.

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position, you do what YOU need to do and what is best for you, I hope, and it sounds like you do, you have the support of your partner. be kind to yourself xx

Why are you sad? Why is there no way you want the baby?

Take your time if you are uncertain!! There is no rush. Please take your time and don’t rush, especially if you are upset.

You have time, talk to someone. Have you an employee assistance program at work?

Good luck x

I am not sure that continuing with a pregnancy and then rejecting the baby would actually be better for it. I know that is something I would not want to personally do anyway, but no judgement here for anyone who has or needed to.