DH unable to cope with my MH menopausal struggles

[Hamiltonfan]

Just that really. I have just started HRT and my emotions are all over the place. I apparently have been snapping at the family a lot for which I have apologised. But DH who is usually my best friend in the world seems unable to cope. It's as if he thinks I'm putting it on. We had a huge row on Friday night and haven't really spoken since. He has apologised for upsetting me but not for what he said. That's not really the same thing is it? Not sure where we go from here tbh. My son overheard (16) and is very upset.

post menopause here and I had to do it cold turkey because it was 30 years ago and the choices avaialble to me didn't suit me. I think you do need to have a conversation with your husband about how he can help you not to lose it at him, but honestly if you can't stop crying and are rowing with an otherwise loving husband, I'd not be waiting to see how the HRT pans out, I'd be asking for more help now. @Jimmyneutronsforehead has made some good points but I'd like to add that maybe you are not capable of judging your own behaviour at this point.

I was asked my age. Well and truly post menopause.

Well maybe you were lucky and didn’t suffer the way the OP is and MILLIONS of other women are. Your comment was really off. Do better.

No. Im sorry but I don’t believe it’s ok to take out your emotions on someone else. We wouldn’t say it was ok for an angry man. Why is it ok because OP is a woman?

Sad to see some of the responses on this thread, but it is important to remember OP, that not everyone's experience of the menopause is the same. I have struggled severely with hormone issues and only realised thats what it was when put through surgical menopause. Actually things are much better for me, I am calmer, less anxious, less stressed and happier than ever, I do need HRT due to some symptoms and due to my age. However, what I do see now, is that when I had my DC and had severe PND that I was also in Peri and the effects on me were so severe I didn't want to be here anymore, add in anti depressants and I was bordering on physcotic and I'm lucky I'm still alive. So I think that really shows how lucky the people telling you that you need to control your emotions are.

I hope you start seeing the benefits of your HRT soon

I think you sound depressed, OP. Might be worth a chat with your GP?

I can’t see that OP has mentioned anger issues here, just being snappy which is a normal part of menopause and whilst not pleasant to be on the receiving end of, isn’t the end of the world.

Being snappy is not a 'normal' part of menopause. The OP was right to apologise for their behaviour but needs to find ways of managing this without impacting on the rest of their family.

menopause 😤!! Could be anything that triggers anger, a crumb on the floor, unwashed spoon.😂

Feeling "snappy" or irritable is a common symptom of menopause. Fluctuating hormone levels, particularly estrogen, can affect brain chemistry and mood regulation, leading to increased irritability and even anger.

Completely and utterly disagree.
Every womans hormones and reactions are varied.
I know a few lovely women who turned into terrifying monsters.

'Common' doesn't mean 'normal'. Some women experience this, others don't.

Clearly you’ve not met my mother 🤣

It’s obviously hard for everyone but ultimately your DH has no doubt been on the receiving end and taken the brunt of it and he’s had enough

Anti depressants have calmed me down. I no longer sweat the small stuff and I let things that ordinarily would have sent me into a rage, go

If the problem re mental health is mainly hormones (menopause and/or the HRT not being quite right at this early stage of it) the GP is likely to encourage OP persisting with HRT (which I think is the NICE guidance - HRT and not usually anti depressants)

Of course you can get snappy with perimenopause. You can be tired, irritable, heart palpitations, headaches, anxiety - the list goes on! Being snappy maybe a by-product of generally feeling like your dragging yourself through the day! I have never suffered PMT in any form but wouldn’t discount anyone else's reaction to it. That’s just silly.

But your husband needs to keep educating himself as much as you need to keep working on finding a balance or HRT and supplements that work for you. And whilst HRT worked for me straightaway for others it’s a process of adjusting the dose etc. it can take up to 3 months to feel real improvement.

I was given Magnesium Glycinate and Inositol Powder which I also take before bed and that helps anxiety for me. And no, I have never been anxious but ya know depleting hormones have altered what I wouldn’t normally feel.

Ask your husband for patience whilst you’re sorting this out.

You’ve got this!

70% of women experience this

Sympathy OP. It sounds like your H needs more education about menopause. Would he sit down and watch the Davina documentary, or read an article about it?

@midlifemover21

"But your husband needs to keep educating himself as much as you need to keep working on finding a balance or HRT and supplements that work for you."

Agree completely.

I'm going through the menopause right now. It's tough. I've had various physical symptoms (sleep problems and rashes). I've had anxiety and depression (significantly alleviated by HRT and exercise). I'm not minimising it: its shit and I'm sorry you're going through it.

But I also know that expecting everyone around you to walk on eggshells indefinitely because of it isn't sustainable.

You have the right to be given kindness and consideration and to express to your husband and family if you're struggling and for them to make certain accommodations for you. But you don't have the right to turn it into a 24/7 menopause reality show with everyone in your immediate circle terrified to speak to you about anything because of the risk that you will burst into tears or shout at them.

You probably need to give the HRT a bit longer to bed in and you might need to change the dose. Maybe counselling could help?

Would you give sympathy to a man who's full of rage because of testosterone and tell his partner she needs 'educating' on how testosterone can increase anger?

Thank you to most of you for some good ideas and support. I will look into all. Those who haven't suffered - well you have been lucky. It is really awful. I am just hoping it will calm down soon.

Menopause is a bitch.

We have zero real preparation or training in how to cope with it

And our poor husbands and teens have zero prep or training in how to cope with us.

Here's how I got through:

I read everything I could, to be up on what shit I could expect.

I kept up the messaging to him to get his awareness up because I was going to be dealing with some shit.

I went to a new doctor and demanded hrt (after a previous doc had said no, I should just suck it up. A middle aged woman who had herself 'sailed through it ...'). The new one, younger woman says 'absolutely we don't prescribe it enough and the benefits are huge.'

I went back in later years and pressed for prescription reviews and additional products. Which I have.

I tried to be self aware and realise when I was flipping, overwhelmed with anxiety and dread, low mood etc etc etc and be open with him about it.

I feel sorry for them. Our condition / life stage is not an excuse for us to make life sad for them.

But they have work to do to ensure they are evolving, listening, understanding who we are now.

Be open, honest, frank, talk, share.

This is such a beautiful, helpful post.

OP I agree that recognising and naming your thoughts is a really vital first step to getting through this.

You're not abusive, you're having a hard time and you need support in learning how to navigate your way through the world, with your loved ones, and keeping yourself and your values intact.

OP you have my full sympathy. I never had hormone problems until about 8 years ago. Used to think that PMT was a myth etc
It is hard for me to describe the extreme feelings I get these days of anger, hopelessness, sadness, fatigue, irritation...I understand people saying control it but it happens so quick, and triggered by a real issue, just big overreaction. It feels out of my control