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Original poster

DP comment to his friend about sex worker, would alarm bells be ringing

89 replies

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 17:36

One of DP’s close friends is single currently and going through a bit of a tough time with the fall out from his last relationship, so we had him over for a couple of drinks last night.

He said he misses elements of being in a relationship, companionship on a weekend etc.

DP asked him in a serious tone whether he has considered getting some paid company. His friend laughed off the suggestion and DP said something along the lines of ‘it gets a bad reputation but avoid Eastern Europeans and stick to British girls and then you know you are finding someone like minded and who hasn’t been exploited’. I told DP to not be ridiculous and he said something about a lot of them being on Instagram and making a load of money so clearly they aren’t from a dodgy background and they are doing it with a happy heart. His friend to his credit was unmoved.

I spoke to him about it when my friend left and he wasn’t joking - he was being deadly serious and doesn’t understand why I disapprove so strongly.

Am I being a bit ridiculous or do you also find that repulsive?

OP posts:
MounjaroMounjaro · 29/06/2025 18:01

Yes, it's repulsive. I feel for his friend, too - imagine saying you feel lonely and someone suggests you pay for sex?

Your partner sounds very experienced in this field, OP.

Foolsgold74 · 29/06/2025 18:01

A happy heart? Jesus christ. What a guy you've landed there.

Alwaysbackagain · 29/06/2025 18:16

I take it your DP has used sex workers himself other wise he wouldn't be so knowledgeable about the subject. And he obviously spends his time looking at these women on Instagram.

So yes I would be very worried about this conversation and I would be asking directly about this.

catsand · 29/06/2025 18:20

Yes, repulsive. How long have you been together?

ginasevern · 29/06/2025 18:28

That's a red flag with fucking bells on. He certainly seems to have an A Level in sex workers. Why's that do you think?

LevelUpDown · 29/06/2025 18:29

Oooh god OP. He knows way too much

BeverleyCleverley · 29/06/2025 18:29

He'd be out of the door before he had finished the sentence. He's clearly used sex workers and feels fine about that.

Original poster
Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 29/06/2025 18:38

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

I think you might also need an STI check.

Evaka · 29/06/2025 18:39

I don't think you need another convo, I think you need testing for STIs and to tell him it's over. What a toerag.

Original poster
Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:44

We both got tested at the start of the relationship and all was fine. If there has been any usage on his part it will have been historic (and that’s a certain relationship ender)

OP posts:
DrowningInSyrup · 29/06/2025 18:49

I'd be the idiot that let him talk his way out of this, but obviously he's used sex workers and didn't see a problem with it. I would get rid without even confronting him about it, there's no point having the argument.

Kimwestonhelpless · 29/06/2025 19:08

Definitely voice of experience.

Divebar2021 · 29/06/2025 19:12

Years ago I had a (weird) boyfriend who told me he used prostitites - we were in bed at the time. I couldn’t for the life of me work out why he volunteered the information. It wasn’t as if I asked him about it. However in this case I would be asking about it but be prepared and work out what you will do if it’s a yes.

LittleGreenDragons · 29/06/2025 19:26

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

So he is showing more and more red flags that you've already "discussed" but you feel even more conversation is needed? I think you need to do The Freedom Programme yourself to find out why you think you can fix this relationship.

Dump him, it's only been a year.

Endofyear · 29/06/2025 19:57

Do yourself a big favour and dump him now. Huge red flag 🚩

Byebyechicken · 29/06/2025 20:03

I don't understand why your DP is of the opinion that British sex workers will be 'likeminded' and 'not exploited', whilst Eastern European sex workers are not likeminded and have been exploited?
Am I missing something?

mrandmrsrobinson · 29/06/2025 20:22

Bin.

Seriously. If he can't see it

sussexman · 29/06/2025 20:23

Byebyechicken · 29/06/2025 20:03

I don't understand why your DP is of the opinion that British sex workers will be 'likeminded' and 'not exploited', whilst Eastern European sex workers are not likeminded and have been exploited?
Am I missing something?

Edited

He's both racist and sexist.

Spirallingdownwards · 29/06/2025 20:26

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

A conversation that starts and ends with "on yer bike!"

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 20:28

Yes, what conversation could he possibly have that would make his views acceptable? None. No conversation needed.

Hopingtobeaparent · 30/06/2025 19:16

Sadly, I think now you’re a year in, OP, his true self is starting to show.

If you’re going to stay with him for now, pay very close attention!

Eagle2025 · 30/06/2025 19:24

He sounds just a tad too knowledgeable on the subject. But regardless I couldn't be with someone who talked like that and thought it was acceptable.

tripleginandtonic · 30/06/2025 19:32

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:44

We both got tested at the start of the relationship and all was fine. If there has been any usage on his part it will have been historic (and that’s a certain relationship ender)

You're talking yourself into it OP. The red flag is flying high.

Catsandcannedbeans · 30/06/2025 19:42

… Is his mate good looking? If he is I would ditch your DP and consider shacking up with him, then you can make the most of the bad situation.

Your DP believes you can buy consent and that would be enough for me to leave.