DP comment to his friend about sex worker, would alarm bells be ringing

[Lauren887]

One of DP’s close friends is single currently and going through a bit of a tough time with the fall out from his last relationship, so we had him over for a couple of drinks last night.

He said he misses elements of being in a relationship, companionship on a weekend etc.

DP asked him in a serious tone whether he has considered getting some paid company. His friend laughed off the suggestion and DP said something along the lines of ‘it gets a bad reputation but avoid Eastern Europeans and stick to British girls and then you know you are finding someone like minded and who hasn’t been exploited’. I told DP to not be ridiculous and he said something about a lot of them being on Instagram and making a load of money so clearly they aren’t from a dodgy background and they are doing it with a happy heart. His friend to his credit was unmoved.

I spoke to him about it when my friend left and he wasn’t joking - he was being deadly serious and doesn’t understand why I disapprove so strongly.

Am I being a bit ridiculous or do you also find that repulsive?

If you like him give his friend a call and tell him you find yourself unexpectedly back on the market.

'Not sure what to make of it to be honest'

Yes you are. You're really going to pretend you're 'not sure what to make of it'?

Why aren't you sure? Could it be more obvious what he is?

ditch your DP and consider shacking up with him

Worst advice ever.

Your DP believes you can buy consent

I don't agree with it, but you can purchase consent. Have you not seen what girls are doing on OnlyFans?

I'm not defending it, but factually he has a point that there are people (mostly women, but men also) who choose to make money through offering sex, and who aren't being controlled/ exploited by a 3rd party.
There were reports/studies etc after student loans came in about the numbers turning to stripping /prostitution to finance their way through uni.
So it can happen without the imagined pimp/controlling thug etc.
I also lived abroad for some years, (European country) where it wasn't unusual for all the middle class men at a big dinner or gathering to de-camp to a strip club while their wives stayed behind and had a natter. It was routine, tbh.

Yes of course that's true in some cases.

Not sure you can compare visiting a strip club to having sex with a prostitute so not sure your point there?

Well, I was playing it down, tbh. Some of those clubs served a dual purpose.
But my main point was about the fact that some people choose to be 'providers'.
(for clarity, I'm talking about the UK context, not the strip clubs abroad - those were most definitely exploitative).

And were the wives aware their husbands were going there for sex?

Well, they knew where they were going,and what sort of place it was.
I'm sure couples had their own conversations and agreements/rules about how they expected their partners to comport themselves.
[edited to revise content]

And did you enjoy the fun too?

No, not my scene. 👍

Well hopefully you werent too excluded whilst living over there if you describe it as being the routine that men over there visited exploitative (your words) strip/sex clubs. Did you enjoy a good natter with the wives over the washing up 😆

😂😂
I was a young chap, travelling, working odd jobs and trying to write a book, while living off not very much money. I merely observed what was going on, and asked friends and colleagues about it. Just an inquisitive mind, asking questions.
The wives tended to stay back in restaurants while the men went off to wherever.
Even if I'd had the money, it wouldn't have been for me.

Well I would hope not given that you describe the women in those clubs as being exploited.

I'm not defending it, but factually he has a point that there are people (mostly women, but men also) who choose to make money through offering sex, and who aren't being controlled/ exploited by a 3rd party

It doesn't take a 3rd party for it to be exploitation. I don't believe any woman does it from free choice. I can believe they do it as a way to make money but if you need money it's no longer a free choice. In which case it's the punter exploiting their lack of choice. Or perceived lack of choice.

Well we all need money and there are other ways of making it.

I just don't see the issue. If someone is selling it, how can it be wrong to buy it?

He casually suggested his friend went to see a prostitute, like it was nothing. This man has used sex workers.

To be honest I think most men probably have though. Those trips to Amsterdam weren't to go and see the flower markets and the Anne Frank museum. I lived in Sydney for a while, standard practice was for the single men I knew to go to massage parlours etc at the weekend. I also worked for BT in the UK and when a lot of the men got their bonuses they were straight online looking up reviews for brothels. These guys had wives and children.

Someone is selling a gun and ten kilos of heroin, how can it be wrong to buy it?

🙄

How can you tell if a woman is being coercived into the sex trade or not?

I know quite a few sex workers, through the kink scene, and they all work for themselves and filter their clients/take recommendations (or bans) from other SWs. But the other issue here is whether he has secretly been seeing them - I wouldn't have an issue if a DP told me he'd seen a SW, but not if he'd deceived me about it

He doesn’t sound too bright if he thinks all East European sex workers are forced into it and no British sex workers are.

He also has likely visited sex workers in the past.

Are you comparing a gun and highly addictive narcotics to a woman choosing to sell sex?

How can a man know for sure that a prostitute isn’t being abused, trafficked, coerced etc?

He can’t. It’s impossible for him to know for sure.

And decent, fundamentally good men who see women as equals, wouldn’t take the chance of contributing to the abuse and rape of women in order to ejaculate into one on demand.

Good men don’t buy sex because good men know they cannot be certain they aren’t paying to contribute to abuse.

I don't think you need another conversation. The expression 'you're dumped' should suffice.

What a weird thing to say to a friend that just confided that he is lonely, AND in front of you no less! The fact that he thought that was just a normal comment it's beyond me 🤣

No. Re-read.