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Original poster

DP comment to his friend about sex worker, would alarm bells be ringing

89 replies

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 17:36

One of DP’s close friends is single currently and going through a bit of a tough time with the fall out from his last relationship, so we had him over for a couple of drinks last night.

He said he misses elements of being in a relationship, companionship on a weekend etc.

DP asked him in a serious tone whether he has considered getting some paid company. His friend laughed off the suggestion and DP said something along the lines of ‘it gets a bad reputation but avoid Eastern Europeans and stick to British girls and then you know you are finding someone like minded and who hasn’t been exploited’. I told DP to not be ridiculous and he said something about a lot of them being on Instagram and making a load of money so clearly they aren’t from a dodgy background and they are doing it with a happy heart. His friend to his credit was unmoved.

I spoke to him about it when my friend left and he wasn’t joking - he was being deadly serious and doesn’t understand why I disapprove so strongly.

Am I being a bit ridiculous or do you also find that repulsive?

OP posts:
reinforcementz · 30/06/2025 20:08

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:44

We both got tested at the start of the relationship and all was fine. If there has been any usage on his part it will have been historic (and that’s a certain relationship ender)

Why would it necessarily have been historic?

Horses7 · 30/06/2025 20:43

Yikes!!!! 🚩 🚩🚩🚩

DontTouchRoach · 30/06/2025 20:58

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

The ‘further conversation’ should begin and end with you leaving him.

It’s not so much his views on sex work itself that would be a problem for me, more the fact that he clearly has experience in this area.

NattyFox · 30/06/2025 21:02

Ok. I have heard that only fans is supposedly "ethical porn" as the women own all their own content and get the money when people subscribe. So maybe he was alluding to that sort of thing and genuinely believes there are women out there who aren't being exploited...

However I haven't heard of women selling themselves on Instagram, if dh mentioned this I'd want to see what he follows on instagram to be honest. And it is an incredibly dense suggestion to make after someone says they miss being in a relationship. I can understand why you're upset.

Shenmen · 30/06/2025 21:15

God, I would kick DH out the house forever if he said that. And that's with 25 years together. 🤢

DiscoBob · 30/06/2025 21:19

So he's saying up front he uses prostitutes? When was the last time?

I don't see how he'd know so much about which nationality of prossie is more morally superior?

Saying they're making loads of money? From who, him? How the fuck would he know how much random sex workers are making, unless he fancies himself as a pimp. Or he's a big time punter.

This would need a serious conversation. I mean it could be bullshit bravado to his mate, but he said all this in front of you?

I'm glad his pal thought it sounded ridiculous.

lonelylou09 · 30/06/2025 21:24

Op I think sadly you are delusional if you think this isn't a current thing with him as well as something in his past. You said you don't live together and have only been together for a year. You have literally no idea what the hell he gets up to and with who when you're not together.
This should be setting off red flag central in your head right now.
Always listen to your gut and end this relationship now before it gets worse.
One of my exes I found out was messaging men for sex behind my back. I kinda had a gut feeling things weren't right from some information he had offered when drunk..ie he had previously been into swinging.
I ended things and got myself tested for everything.

SheSaidHummingbird · 30/06/2025 21:25

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

No further conversation is necessary. No need to hand back his key to your place, just change the locks.

Are you interested in his now-single friend by any chance? His rejection to the prostitute suggestion shows that he has more integrity than your now-ex.

Messycoo · 30/06/2025 21:26

I’m more alarmed, he’s doesn’t seem to think British girls aren’t exploited!!

AIAgent · 30/06/2025 21:30

A further conversation? Yes.

It goes something like “this isn’t working for me and we’re done.” I’m not sure which is worst, his past experience or current attitude.

nutbrownhare15 · 30/06/2025 21:30

He probably thinks of himself as a really ethical user of sex workers by only choosing British ones and convincing himself that they are really happy to have sex with him. What a lovely caring guy he is.

Original poster
Lauren887 · 30/06/2025 22:21

Well I brought the subject up tonight and he found it amusing that I would suspect him of using them in the past. He said he was stating the obvious that the ‘foreign girls’ are more likely to be exploited and it’s the ‘oldest profession in the world’ so any middle aged man would have a brief understanding of it. Then he started going on about me watching magic mike on a hen do once and it being double standards!

Not sure what to make of it to be honest, but I’m minded to believe him that he hasn’t used them in the past.

OP posts:
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 30/06/2025 22:30

So he laughd, said but everyone and then turned tables on you. End this relationship.

LittleGreenDragons · 30/06/2025 22:39

but I’m minded to believe him that he hasn’t used them in the past.

Hahahahaha... oh wait. You are being serious? 😮

Bowies · 30/06/2025 23:03

Repulsive yes.

I would have total ick after this.

Has he never said anything like this before?

Bowies · 30/06/2025 23:07

Just saw you haven’t been together long and don’t live together - would be throwing this one back.

Walking red flag 🚩

Longyitudeed · 30/06/2025 23:20

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 30/06/2025 22:30

So he laughd, said but everyone and then turned tables on you. End this relationship.

This.
Sleaze.

Todayismyfavouriteday · 01/07/2025 00:50

It looks like you want to believe him. Ha. If you would not stay with a man who sees/has seen/ will see prostitutes, I'd be breaking up right now, before there are kids or further commitments.

MuckFusk · 01/07/2025 01:09

You'd be unreasonable not to be repulsed. It's not just gross, it stupid. Because a sex worker is from the UK does not mean she hasn't been exploited.
It's also worrying that he's come up with these shoddy rationalizations. One can only assume he did so for his own purposes.

MuckFusk · 01/07/2025 01:11

Lauren887 · 30/06/2025 22:21

Well I brought the subject up tonight and he found it amusing that I would suspect him of using them in the past. He said he was stating the obvious that the ‘foreign girls’ are more likely to be exploited and it’s the ‘oldest profession in the world’ so any middle aged man would have a brief understanding of it. Then he started going on about me watching magic mike on a hen do once and it being double standards!

Not sure what to make of it to be honest, but I’m minded to believe him that he hasn’t used them in the past.

Good grief. He's obviously a cunt, love. I wouldn't believe him.

MuckFusk · 01/07/2025 01:12

nutbrownhare15 · 30/06/2025 21:30

He probably thinks of himself as a really ethical user of sex workers by only choosing British ones and convincing himself that they are really happy to have sex with him. What a lovely caring guy he is.

Yep. A staunch champion of female empowerment.

AIAgent · 01/07/2025 06:06

Is he generally a bit thick that he needs to mansplain the ‘oldest profession in the book’ any ‘middle aged man would know’.

What do these middle aged men know that’s not bleedin’ obvious to everyone?

You’ve got DC, why would you expose them to this sort of attitude? I would bet he’s not having this conversation in front of them but 💯 has other misogynistic comments that spill out.

PsychoHotSauce · 01/07/2025 06:13

He said he misses elements of being in a relationship, companionship on a weekend etc.

Doesn't sound like your DP read the room at all. It's not like the friend was saying 'I don't even miss her, she was a cow, but damn I miss having sex whenever I want'. From what you've said, the friend was sad about being part of a couple and that aspect of the loss - nothing or little to do with sex.

It's almost like your DP couldn't get his head around missing being in a relationship if he was single, and he'd only miss the readily available sex. I'd look at him differently after this and what he saw me as (or my 'function' as) in the relationship tbh.

Eagle2025 · 01/07/2025 06:32

@Lauren887 I would just be wondering why his mind would have went there in the first place. Fair enough making a quick joke about hiring a girlfriend for a day or something but to go into a bit of detail about prostitution and almost giving advice to his friend about it. Do you like that he would speak like that/think like that?

LoudSnoringDog · 01/07/2025 06:44

On your first post he sounded like a sleaze, your second post tells me he’s an utter moron.