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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my friend to change holiday plans?

54 replies

Redcliffe1 · 29/06/2025 16:18

This might be a bit long but trying not to drip feed. I've wanted to go scuba diving for years and have spent the last year getting my swimming to a point were I can swim 200 m (a requirement to be able to do the course). A few months ago I booked a taster session and one of my friends said they would be keen to try it so they booked on for the same taster session and we both loved it. They hadn't been swimming in years but are pretty fit and confident they could swim it so we booked on to a weekend course for August. In the last few weeks they have come swimming twice and clearly can't do the required swimming. I told them I could be flexible and we could go on a later date if they couldn't get their swimming to the required level. We had already booked the hotel as well - plan was to go up on Thursday, check out the town on the Friday and then scuba dive training Saturday all day and morning Sunday then back Sunday afternoon. They are confident they can get their swimming to a good enough point so Aug is still the plan.

Turns out my youngest son (11) has an award thing on the Friday - his dad and brother are going so I thought it would be ok if I didn't go but turns out he really wants me there. I could go, get the train with my friend and we would get there just after 6 so enough time for dinner and then we could come back on Monday night instead. Given how I was happy to be flexible about them and change the month if needed Im surprised to find out they are adamant we stick to the earlier plan. Im not sure if I'm being unreasonable or they are.

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 29/06/2025 16:21

You've made plans, your friend has been quite clear that they want to stick to those plans. I wouldn't move a holiday for a child's awards ceremony, especially not for someone else's child. You need to tell your child you can't make it.

Boomer55 · 29/06/2025 16:23

Stick with your original plan.

CaptainFuture · 29/06/2025 16:23

But you didn't actually change anything for them?

NuffSaidSam · 29/06/2025 16:29

YABU expecting them to change their dates for this reason. It's great that you've got flexibility and could have changed if they'd needed you to. Clearly, they don't have the same flexibility. Quite obviously you having flexibility doesn't in turn mean your friend does. People have different lives with different commitments etc. YABU to not understand this.

It's quite a weak reason to change dates tbh. An eleven year old is old enough to understand that you can't attend and why. If you normally attend his important events then this one can be skipped guilt free.

Ultimately though you can up whenever you like. Your friend is old enough to get herself up there earlier and come back on her own on Sunday. You can go up Friday night and come back Monday.

Whaleandsnail6 · 29/06/2025 16:29

You didn't have to change anything for your friend tho. They are sticking with the original plan

Its unreasonable to want to change the days from Thur to Sun to Fri night to Monday...its not easy to change days away and you also say you already booked the hotel?

I think you need to tell your child you can't be at the awards due to already being away, but their dad will be and can take photos/a video.

NuffSaidSam · 29/06/2025 16:30

Also, the lengthy details about you and your friends swimming ability has no bearing on the story whatsoever!

ShesTheAlbatross · 29/06/2025 16:31

I wouldn’t change my plans for this.

Helpmeplease2025 · 29/06/2025 16:31

ShesTheAlbatross · 29/06/2025 16:31

I wouldn’t change my plans for this.

Nor me.

Arlanymor · 29/06/2025 16:33

They didn't change plans though - they said they would get up to the required standard by the time you go away. They are escalating their training to be able to go on the break you had both booked, at the time agreed.

You want to go a whole day later - and not just a day, in the evening. They are doing more to try and meet the date/time agreed, and you are just saying: "Oops, didn't chat to my son about me going to this and now it turns out I have to be there, so can we do a day and a bit later?"

You can see why they are peeved surely?

Original poster
Redcliffe1 · 29/06/2025 16:36

NuffSaidSam · 29/06/2025 16:30

Also, the lengthy details about you and your friends swimming ability has no bearing on the story whatsoever!

I guess I was trying to explain how I had offered to change plans due to thier needs but yes- probably unneeded

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 29/06/2025 16:37

Redcliffe1 · 29/06/2025 16:36

I guess I was trying to explain how I had offered to change plans due to thier needs but yes- probably unneeded

Show quote history

I don’t think offering someone something they don’t think is necessary means they owe it to you to offer the same in reverse.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/06/2025 16:38

Where are you going to? Are you flying? You can’t fly back the same day that you go scuba diving

TruthOrAlethiometer · 29/06/2025 16:38

This isn’t some surprise emergency. You knew about your son’s thing, but felt happy to skip it as your husband was going. You can’t change it now.
Your friend isn’t the problem here.

TruthOrAlethiometer · 29/06/2025 16:39

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/06/2025 16:38

Where are you going to? Are you flying? You can’t fly back the same day that you go scuba diving

She says “get the train.”

NuffSaidSam · 29/06/2025 16:40

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/06/2025 16:38

Where are you going to? Are you flying? You can’t fly back the same day that you go scuba diving

They're going on the train. It's in the OP.

MsFogi · 29/06/2025 16:43

YABU - 'child really wants you there' is never a good enough excuse to change longstanding and/or holiday plans. This is ridiculous.
Tell the kid you already have a holiday planned, holidays are a big deal both financially and for all involved. Your friend is relying on you and we don't just break plans with friends. And you will be sad to miss it but kid will survive. Children need things explained to them and have been brought up with enough grit to cope with stuff (but this is not really a huge thing to deal with - son, I can't make it because x, I'd have loved to come and will really miss it but you will have your dad there).

user2848502016 · 29/06/2025 16:43

I’d be a bit annoyed too, has she booked the time off work? Maybe she can’t change it now.
I think it was fine for you to ask if you could change things but also ok for her to say no, and you should then stick to your original plan.
It can’t be anything that important for your son or you wouldn’t have booked these dates in the first place, you will just have to explain to your son that you won’t be able to be there, but his dad can take lots of photos/videos for you to watch later. Even possibly he could video call you so you could watch live?

DaisyChain505 · 29/06/2025 16:44

YABU. I wouldn’t be changing plans for an award ceremony. Your son will have his other parent and sibling there it’s not as if he’s being left there alone with no support.

It is healthy for children to see that their parents are not just solely there to revolve around them. They have their own independent lives and plans as well.

Your friend could have booked childcare, pet care, time off work, changed other plans to fit this in etc. It’s a hassle to change some plans and especially when it’s for such a non reason such as an award ceremony.

DongDingBell · 29/06/2025 16:46

Sorry, but YABU. You are basically telling your friend that you know you had planns, but sonething better has come up.
It's tough for your son, but his Dad will be there. I'm sure he'd like you there, but it's not essential.

Emsie1987 · 29/06/2025 16:46

Was there any reason from your friend about why she didn't m

Emsie1987 · 29/06/2025 16:50

What was her reason for not wanting to move it? I would have no issue if I could rearrange my plans if any or could get annual leave on the Monday. If she is just being stubborn or refusing to be flexible that would annoy me.

Original poster
Redcliffe1 · 29/06/2025 16:50

My friend could change thier time off work and doesn't have any childcare to worry about but I can see now that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable. I love the idea of live streaming - that could be a great solution.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redcliffe1 · 29/06/2025 16:53

Emsie1987 · 29/06/2025 16:50

What was her reason for not wanting to move it? I would have no issue if I could rearrange my plans if any or could get annual leave on the Monday. If she is just being stubborn or refusing to be flexible that would annoy me.

It was more they wanted to have a day to chill out beforehand with no stress of traveling ect. The scuba diving is an 8 hour course and we need to up at 6am to be there on the Saturday.

OP posts:
CopperWhite · 29/06/2025 16:53

Doing a weekend thing where you’re home on the Sunday is completely different to coming home on Monday night. Are you expecting her to take a day off work so that you can go to your sons event?

I think I’d be pissed off with you too.

Original poster
Redcliffe1 · 29/06/2025 16:58

CopperWhite · 29/06/2025 16:53

Doing a weekend thing where you’re home on the Sunday is completely different to coming home on Monday night. Are you expecting her to take a day off work so that you can go to your sons event?

I think I’d be pissed off with you too.

More swap having the Thursday off to taking the Monday off

OP posts:
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