AIBU to expect my friend to change holiday plans?

[Redcliffe1]

This might be a bit long but trying not to drip feed. I've wanted to go scuba diving for years and have spent the last year getting my swimming to a point were I can swim 200 m (a requirement to be able to do the course). A few months ago I booked a taster session and one of my friends said they would be keen to try it so they booked on for the same taster session and we both loved it. They hadn't been swimming in years but are pretty fit and confident they could swim it so we booked on to a weekend course for August. In the last few weeks they have come swimming twice and clearly can't do the required swimming. I told them I could be flexible and we could go on a later date if they couldn't get their swimming to the required level. We had already booked the hotel as well - plan was to go up on Thursday, check out the town on the Friday and then scuba dive training Saturday all day and morning Sunday then back Sunday afternoon. They are confident they can get their swimming to a good enough point so Aug is still the plan.

Turns out my youngest son (11) has an award thing on the Friday - his dad and brother are going so I thought it would be ok if I didn't go but turns out he really wants me there. I could go, get the train with my friend and we would get there just after 6 so enough time for dinner and then we could come back on Monday night instead. Given how I was happy to be flexible about them and change the month if needed Im surprised to find out they are adamant we stick to the earlier plan. Im not sure if I'm being unreasonable or they are.

Im surprised to find out they are adamant we stick to the earlier plan.

What do you mean 'earlier' plan. It's just 'the plan' isn't it? You have made a plan together and you are trying to change it!

Your husband and other child can go to the event, you don't need to. Stick to the plan.

I know it’s not what you asked, but doing scuba diving when neither of you are strong swimmers doesn’t sound ideal to me, are you having lessons? I know you can meet the minimum requirement…. But it’s the minimum requirement. I’m not a great swimmer and 200m is 5/6 minutes swimming, I know you won’t be swimming all day non stop but an 8 hour course is a lot with just being able to swim 6 minutes isn’t it?

How do you know they can do that?

I would have just told my friend that I would now be coming on the Friday night and staying until Monday. It presumably doesn't affect her travel plans at all. If she's one of those people who won't go anywhere on her own then that's her problem.

So actually what you’re asking is…

AIBU for changing the planned dates of a trip with my friend due to my child’s award day?

It does if they’re sharing a hotel room

Its a training course - when we did the taster it was a lot easier as we had air , snorkels ect. It takes me about 10 minutes for me to swim that distance but with the stuff on I can go much longer . You do make an interesting point though.

YABU to allow yourself to be bossed around by an 11 year old boy. He'll have to get over it.

Thier job is super quiet over the summer so can swap leave no problem.

But maybe she already has plans for the Monday?

This is a bit off topic but do you have to be able to swim 200m in general or is there a time limit on how fast you have to be able to do it?

It will be fine. I’m a rubbish swimmer, unfit, and managed it fine. Not all the course is in the water and often when it is you’re stationary. You will be exhausted by the end, but in a good way!

I’ve passed my PADI scuba training, and at the time I could only swim around a width. Swimming underwater, or swimming above water back to the boat with an air-filled jacket on supporting you and fins on is much easier than normal swimming.

No time limit and its 200m non stop and you need to be able to tred water for 10 minutes

You should stick to your plan.

The test is pretty relaxed, don't know why you needed to make such a big deal in your OP. You have all the time in the world to swim that 200m. And for those asking, scuba diving is much easier than swimming. The tank is full of oxygen and helps you float. You have a snorkel and goggles. Overweight tourists in their mid 70s scuba dive all the time. Kids can scuba dive now too.

YABU. You made plans, stick to it. Whether or not you might have been flexible is neither here nor there.

I did a Scuba course with a friend who couldn't swim at all, not a stroke! They assured us it would be fine as you don't need to swim to dive.

Admittedly this wasn't in the UK and safety standards are not what they are here, but she managed the day just fine.

Not quite sure what all the guff about swimming ability was about.

@Redcliffe1 if your friends work can accommodate it and there are no other reasons why she couldn’t swop, then I think she’s being unreasonable.

Life happens… plans change. A bit of flexibility for you to be able to see your sons performance feels something that friends would do for one another.

One does not equal the other. Just because it is quiet does not mean it is easy to switch days.

I would not miss my child’s award ceremony if it was important to them that I be there.

I might be a bit irritated if I were your friend, but I wouldn’t fall out over it.

YABU to expect your friend to change plans for this reason.

Also, don’t stress about the swimming part of the scuba diving. You do need to be able to swim the 200m and tread water for 10 mins, but the swim is not timed and you can choose which stroke you do, so you can do a nice leisurely breast stroke swim. I would say don’t plan to do any strenuous dives until you’re both very confident swimmers and divers - so no drift diving or deep dives. But for shallow dives in calm waters, you’ll be absolutely fine not being a strong swimmer. The main thing is being comfortable and confident under the water, and if you’ve already enjoyed a discovery dive and stayed calm with that, I expect you’ll be okay.
Enjoy! scuba diving is incredible!!

You can go up and join them after the event surely, as you had planned when you wanted them to change? They go as planned, you join when you're ready?

You go on the Friday if you want but pay your half for the room on Thursday if you're sharing. Don't expect her to change her plans.

Just because you offered her something (that she didn't want) doesn't mean she owes you.

The thing is by going on the Friday night you completely change the holiday, there's no spending time together seeing the town going out etc, it's just get there, grab dinner go to bed early to be up early for scuba, going out on a Sunday day evening depending where you are will be more difficult and even if things are open they'll be quiet.
Could you propose a completely different weekend with the same plan you agreed? If not you'll have to miss the awards.