Currently living in rented accommodation with partner, our baby, my daughter from ex marriage and his son from his ex marriage. Both step children are 50/50 with their other parents. We currently live in a large house with lots of space and a bedroom for everyone. But the cost of this rent and associated bills is astronomical and we need to either buy our own 4 bed house or rent somewhere cheaper.
My partner earns double what I earn and works long hours. I have a less demanding job and so do most of the housework and childcare for our baby. This might sound ok- apart from the fact that we pay half each of the rent and bills for our current home. So I really feel like he’s onto a pretty good deal. I used to do childcare and school runs for DSS too and recently stopped….but that is another story.
I own a three bed semi, bought with the proceeds of my divorce, which I lived in with my daughter before I met my partner. It’s a lovely house which I renovated and is in a nice desirable area. It’s been rented out but the tenants have given notice to leave in August.
My partner sold his marital home, gave his ex wife 2/3 of the equity and has since burnt through the rest of the money. He has nothing for a deposit for a new home and so we need to sell mine, which would give us a decent deposit for a new 4 bed house.
Ive decided that I don’t want to move to another cheaper rented property, they’re rarely decorated nicely, don’t feel like home to me and I’d probably have to live in a less nice area to get the size we’d want for a cheaper price. So I’ve decided to move back into my 3 bed semi, spruce it up a little bit and eventually sell it- I’m estimating this might take 12 months or so. My daughter loves this house, it’s near school, friends and her dad. She’s looking forward to going back to her old room. When I initially told my partner that I thought this was the best idea, I discussed it with a view to us all moving there together- it would be cramped and not ideal- but it’s a home and only a stepping stone to us buying somewhere bigger. I suggested we put our 1yo baby in with us and decorate the 3rd bedroom for his son. He didn’t like this idea, said I wouldn’t put my daughter in the small room so why should he put his son. He said he’d rent a house so that his son could have more room and when his son was at his mums he would stay with me and our baby.
He suggested that his son and our baby could have the second double room and my daughter have the small room. This might be where I’m being selfish as I won’t compromise on my daughter- the room was hers to begin with, I don’t want her impacted by my choice to blend a family. She was happy to move in with partner and son btw and they all get on well so there’s no issues there. But I also selfishly don’t see why I should impact my daughter for someone else’s child.
We left it like this until this week where he’s realised the move is imminent and he’s now decided he wants to move to the three bed house with me. He said he doesn’t want to live apart from me and our baby- and I don’t want to live apart either. However, I’ve now planned to have a bedroom for each of my children. I going back to work this week, our 1yo is starting nursery, he’s a light sleeper and for the sake of both of us I think he needs his own room for a good nights sleep instead of us waking each other up in a shared room.
my partner has now decided he’ll convert the integral garage for his son so that he’ll have plenty of space. I initially said this would be ok but I’m now feeling uneasy about this too. He’s planning on doing this renovation himself. I didn’t think much damage could be done until he said he was planning on taking the garage door out and getting our friend to fit in some french doors so it would look more like a room. I have two issues with this:
1- friend has done work for me before and it’s shoddy. I worry what the finish of this DIY project will be.
2- the garage door was only put in a couple of years ago, it was expensive, it’s remote electric and matches the front door. The garage was newly rendered and it all looks smart from the road.
AIBU to say no to this project? It feels selfish and I’m basically saying I won’t allow a room to be made for DSS. Creating the room allows us to stay together and still have DSS over to stay. Surely lots of people would do anything to keep the whole family together.
i feel selfish, but also a bit angry that everything has fallen to me- childcare, bills, providing a home. Now I’m potentially damaging my home, my only asset, so that I can house his son.
I realise the phrase ‘his son’ sounds horrid from a step mum and it’s not a reflection of how I am at home. I care for him, treat him the same as my daughter and son. But in reality he has a mother and father- and it feels like his father’s job to ensure he has a house big enough for his family.