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Original poster

Colleague suggested meeting up then ghosting me??

61 replies

BrickSnake · 28/06/2025 21:28

Should say ghosted me but it won't allow me to edit the title.
Don't really understand what goes through people's minds sometimes..

I only worked at a place for a few months and left as I was deeply unhappy there, in a job I much prefer now.
Left 3 months ago, whilst there I briefly chatted to a woman who seemed nice, I wouldn't say we became friends but we had a few friendly chats and I thought she was nice and interesting.
On my last day she messaged wishing me the best of luck. I didn't expect to hear from her again based on previous experience, but 2 weeks ago she messaged asking how my new job was.
I was happy to hear from her and this sort of thing doesn't happen often for me. We messaged a bit and then she said we should meet for coffee. Started to make plans then on the very last msg I sent my availability.

She didn't reply, I thought ok she's maybe forgot, it happens. So after a week of no response I sent a friendly msg asking if she still fancied that coffee and suggested one or two days I was free.

That was 9 days ago and the msg hasn't been 'read' but has been delivered.
I'm just thinking why get in touch in the first place?
I'm sure someone will be along to tell me she has anxiety, ADHD or autism or possibly a combination of the 3.
Maybe she does, however sometimes maybe people are just flaky and shitty. Any possible explanation?
Obviously I won't message her again and I'll just leave it. It's tough enough making friends as it is, has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
HarkerandBarker · 28/06/2025 22:51

Final thought....it's not our job to imagine what is going on in people's minds or lives. If they say then we'll know. If they don't. It not our problem. We're not mind readers. Communication is easy. Even if it is to say sorry I haven't been in touch but hopefully we'll catch up soon. Trust all is well with you. It's called emotional intelligence.

Original poster
BrickSnake · 29/06/2025 06:19

She's made me feel a bit stupid for some reason. I should never have sent the second text, I was being too generous to her there.

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 29/06/2025 06:35

Either she didn’t know how to end the chat as in ‘Bye forever!’ so thought she’d add a throwaway coffee invitation or she didn’t mean meeting up so soon and is backing off. Some peopl are just weird op. I mean, what’s the harm in a coffee? Don’t send any more texts.

FirenzeFirenze · 29/06/2025 06:40

As others have suggested my first thought was that she was perhaps unhappy at work and thought about contacting you to see if you could be of use to her re you perhaps putting in a good word for her and then moving to your place of work? Circumstances may then have changed and she may not have needed you any more.

Not very nice for you I know but people can be such users.

ILoveMoonDaisies · 29/06/2025 07:34

I had similar with an ex-colleague I used to lunch with a few times a week. I left and we messaged occasionally. Since she has twice suggested coffee out and both times she didn't show up and wouldn't respond to messages or calls and later texted that she forgot, was too ill etc! 😂 I decided to just forget about her... some people are just not worth the effort. It was a shame as I had enjoyed her company too. Just spend time with people who treat you well x

Mummypie21 · 29/06/2025 07:44

I know someone like that. I just didn't bother anymore. She was a former neighbour and would message every so often suggesting a meet-up. If I gave any dates then she would just not read the message (but be online) so I didn't get the blue ticks. She would then pop up again a few months later.

Swimminginthedeepbluesky · 29/06/2025 08:21

Social interactions are simply a " pass the ball" situation
She passed it to you -may be as a politeness or she was thinking you can help her onto the ladder work wise
You passed it back
The ball is in her court now
Don't chase, think badly of her or yourself
Just drop it

All this blue tick/ ghosting drama is way ott

Just leave it and concentrate on other friendships, never chase people

toomuchfaff · 29/06/2025 12:42

She could have been hit by a bus.

She could have just been being nice

She could be flakey or fake

She could have a close family relative been hurt in an accident or died or is in hospital and her attention is diverted.

Whatever the reason, it doesnt matter, it makes no difference, its not your fault, its all on her. Stop overthinking it. Don't contact her again. Move on

Original poster
BrickSnake · 29/06/2025 13:09

No intentions of contacting her again, I've deleted the chat and her number. History now.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrickSnake · 29/06/2025 19:29

She just replied after 10 days saying sorry she's been so busy?

OP posts:
3KidsPlusDdog · 29/06/2025 19:34

I wouldn’t reply. She’ll just do the same thing again.

MounjaroMounjaro · 29/06/2025 19:38

I think she wanted something from you, OP. Either that or it's easy to send a message to say let's meet up, but it means shifting her arse to actually follow it through. You've done the right thing in blocking her now.

Lizzbear · 29/06/2025 19:38

What are you going to do op?

Original poster
BrickSnake · 29/06/2025 19:54

I'm not sure tbh..now it makes me think i was overreacting?

OP posts:
HarkerandBarker · 29/06/2025 23:32

BrickSnake · 29/06/2025 19:54

I'm not sure tbh..now it makes me think i was overreacting?

If she's reached out to you then give her another chance. Say you'll catch up on a phone call if she's too busy to meet up. Ask when she's free for a chat. Would love to know how it goes

HarkerandBarker · 29/06/2025 23:34

BrickSnake · 29/06/2025 19:54

I'm not sure tbh..now it makes me think i was overreacting?

Just say no worries first with your reply. Say you've been hectic with work and this heat has taken it out of you anyway. Or something along those lines 😂

Daygloboo · 02/09/2025 02:23

BrickSnake · 28/06/2025 21:28

Should say ghosted me but it won't allow me to edit the title.
Don't really understand what goes through people's minds sometimes..

I only worked at a place for a few months and left as I was deeply unhappy there, in a job I much prefer now.
Left 3 months ago, whilst there I briefly chatted to a woman who seemed nice, I wouldn't say we became friends but we had a few friendly chats and I thought she was nice and interesting.
On my last day she messaged wishing me the best of luck. I didn't expect to hear from her again based on previous experience, but 2 weeks ago she messaged asking how my new job was.
I was happy to hear from her and this sort of thing doesn't happen often for me. We messaged a bit and then she said we should meet for coffee. Started to make plans then on the very last msg I sent my availability.

She didn't reply, I thought ok she's maybe forgot, it happens. So after a week of no response I sent a friendly msg asking if she still fancied that coffee and suggested one or two days I was free.

That was 9 days ago and the msg hasn't been 'read' but has been delivered.
I'm just thinking why get in touch in the first place?
I'm sure someone will be along to tell me she has anxiety, ADHD or autism or possibly a combination of the 3.
Maybe she does, however sometimes maybe people are just flaky and shitty. Any possible explanation?
Obviously I won't message her again and I'll just leave it. It's tough enough making friends as it is, has this happened to anyone else?

I've had this a bit over the years and j never understand it. People making a real push to get
to know me/ meet up / become friends. etc. I often have my guard up..I have had some great friendships over the years that grew organically over a long period.. Im always wary of those who push to be your friend..I have sometimes let my guard down and then not exactly been ghosted but not treated that well. I came to the conclusion that those people weren't really interested in real friendship at all. Some people are weird and just want to find out what makes you tick and then they lose interest.

Letitgoooletitgooo · 02/09/2025 04:08

Relax. I’m sure she’s just very busy and maybe stressed out. It’s not about you. She will reply when she gets time. Doesn’t mean she’s ghosted or flakey at all.

user1492757084 · 02/09/2025 04:49

Ten days is not long.

I would reply -
No worries. Just give me a few of days notice if you actually would like to catch up for a coffee. We all get busy.

And then leave it. You both might meet for a coffee in a few weeks, months or years.
She's an old work mate and not someone who you see every week now.

BurlyShriggs · 02/09/2025 08:12

BrickSnake · 28/06/2025 21:28

Should say ghosted me but it won't allow me to edit the title.
Don't really understand what goes through people's minds sometimes..

I only worked at a place for a few months and left as I was deeply unhappy there, in a job I much prefer now.
Left 3 months ago, whilst there I briefly chatted to a woman who seemed nice, I wouldn't say we became friends but we had a few friendly chats and I thought she was nice and interesting.
On my last day she messaged wishing me the best of luck. I didn't expect to hear from her again based on previous experience, but 2 weeks ago she messaged asking how my new job was.
I was happy to hear from her and this sort of thing doesn't happen often for me. We messaged a bit and then she said we should meet for coffee. Started to make plans then on the very last msg I sent my availability.

She didn't reply, I thought ok she's maybe forgot, it happens. So after a week of no response I sent a friendly msg asking if she still fancied that coffee and suggested one or two days I was free.

That was 9 days ago and the msg hasn't been 'read' but has been delivered.
I'm just thinking why get in touch in the first place?
I'm sure someone will be along to tell me she has anxiety, ADHD or autism or possibly a combination of the 3.
Maybe she does, however sometimes maybe people are just flaky and shitty. Any possible explanation?
Obviously I won't message her again and I'll just leave it. It's tough enough making friends as it is, has this happened to anyone else?

Why are you reposting the same issue under a different name? www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5340126-ex-colleague-contacting-lotsfeeling-awkward

Colleague suggested meeting up then ghosting me??
Colleague suggested meeting up then ghosting me??
Colleague suggested meeting up then ghosting me??
BurlyShriggs · 02/09/2025 08:13

BrickSnake · 28/06/2025 21:28

Should say ghosted me but it won't allow me to edit the title.
Don't really understand what goes through people's minds sometimes..

I only worked at a place for a few months and left as I was deeply unhappy there, in a job I much prefer now.
Left 3 months ago, whilst there I briefly chatted to a woman who seemed nice, I wouldn't say we became friends but we had a few friendly chats and I thought she was nice and interesting.
On my last day she messaged wishing me the best of luck. I didn't expect to hear from her again based on previous experience, but 2 weeks ago she messaged asking how my new job was.
I was happy to hear from her and this sort of thing doesn't happen often for me. We messaged a bit and then she said we should meet for coffee. Started to make plans then on the very last msg I sent my availability.

She didn't reply, I thought ok she's maybe forgot, it happens. So after a week of no response I sent a friendly msg asking if she still fancied that coffee and suggested one or two days I was free.

That was 9 days ago and the msg hasn't been 'read' but has been delivered.
I'm just thinking why get in touch in the first place?
I'm sure someone will be along to tell me she has anxiety, ADHD or autism or possibly a combination of the 3.
Maybe she does, however sometimes maybe people are just flaky and shitty. Any possible explanation?
Obviously I won't message her again and I'll just leave it. It's tough enough making friends as it is, has this happened to anyone else?

Sending again without screenshots: Why are you posting exactly the same message again under a different name?www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5340126-ex-colleague-contacting-lotsfeeling-awkward

EggcornTheEscapeGoat · 02/09/2025 08:27

That isn't exactly the same message at all, though? The two situations seem quite different.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 02/09/2025 08:44

I also can't find any similarities. They seem completely different issues.

BurlyShriggs · 02/09/2025 08:57

EggcornTheEscapeGoat · 02/09/2025 08:27

That isn't exactly the same message at all, though? The two situations seem quite different.

Yes, sorry, I’ve confused my threads, will try and delete.

BurlyShriggs · 02/09/2025 08:58

BurlyShriggs · 02/09/2025 08:13

Sending again without screenshots: Why are you posting exactly the same message again under a different name?www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5340126-ex-colleague-contacting-lotsfeeling-awkward

Show quote history

Trying to delete as replied on wrong thread 😤