What time would you put an 11 and 13 year old to bed over the holidays?

[Purpleturtle43]

If you have nothing for the kids to get up for in the morning? My husband and I can't agree what time is reasonable and looking for opinions.

In most boarding schools a 17 year old on a screen for hours would be instructed to stop,

I had a curfew for as long as I lived in my parents house.

If you are away from home then obviously you aren’t going to have restrictions.

A 17 year old with a job, working hard at college, in a nice relationship and with good friends, out socialising is the bloody dream. And very unlikely if they’re sitting on their phones day and night.
Of course no one is stopping a 17 year old having fun with friends or working
Doomscrolling TikTok until 2am - needs monitoring.

13 year old puts herself to bed. But there’s no screens in bedrooms after dinner, they all stay charging downstairs.

There’s no specific time for lights out - she gets up fine in the mornings and she usually likes to read in bed for a while.
Sometimes we all watch tv together for a bit if she’s not tired. I am enjoying the freedom of not having to ‘do’ bedtime.

My 11 yo goes to bed about 10.30 in the holidays. I resist it slipping later than that - unless we’re maybe away on the sort of holiday when that works - because he gets knackered the next day but doesn’t really like to rest.

Of course it does.

Under UK law a 17 year old is a minor and international law also classes anyone under 18 as a child.

Incidentally leaving home early isn’t necessarily the successful parenting technique many would assert; it’s associated with a lot of negative outcomes in adulthood.

My daughter is 13. Phone, tablet and laptop cut off at 8pm during the week, 9pm Friday and Saturday. Only one telly in the house downstairs. Generally upstairs and getting into bed by 9.30 if we can manage it during the week, sometimes later if she has been out late at extra curricular activities. Friday/Saturday 10pm. At weekends she can read in bed as long as she likes.

When DD was 11 bedtime was around 9pm. She’s 15 now and she doesn’t have a monitored bedtime but has to be up early for sports / school and likes her sleep so tends to be in bed still between 9 and 10 - maybe 10;30 at the weekend but rarely.

Phones are off (as in enforced downtime) at 8.30 for both kids and bed around 9-9.30 for 12 yr old.and 9.30-10 for almost 14 yr old. No screens in bedrooms ever.

Around 11.
You'll be sick of it before September.
I miss the days when they went to bed early.

But not an adult yet and maybe need help managing their screen time.

Very different layout to a boarding school as we were in halls as it’s also a university, but I never had a curfew at home either
We were in lessons all day, then evening meal, shower, maybe a sport or met up with friends plus assignments so nobody was really on their phone that much as we were too busy

Exactly, my 17 yo works full time, I can't imagine monitoring what he does on screens!

From 12+ my DC have decided on their own bedtimes, they would go to their rooms before 9 but would do whatever after that. Teaching self regulation is so important, if you don't you will have 17 yos who cant make those decisions for themselves 🙄

Mine get sent upstairs by 1030pm.

I'd put them to bed just before me so I can chill for a while tidy up for the morning depending on plans and accommodation

They're far too old to be getting put to bed! Leave them to it, they should be able to go to bed when they want to.

At that age?? Yikes - they are still pretty young and have a lot of sleeping to do - I would suggest at the very least 9pm - with the proviso that if they are still tired they can read in bed. But absolutely NO electronics in their bedrooms.

That seems very late for an 11 year old - they are still growing, and need at least 8 hours of sleep per night (more actually).

Aiming for a 9pm "in bed" results in my kids and nephews/nieces getting far better sleep - if they aren't sleepy at that time they are of course allowed to read books - we have tons of them, and the 13 year old has a kindle (one that isn't attached to the internet) so they can read as much as they like. The younger one likes graphic novels and non-fiction, but we try to encourage fiction reading (the stats on that helping their reading age are incredible, and it also seems to help them sleep better). They seem far happier with an earlier bed time than a later one, and we have far less "melt downs" and requests for snacks etc etc the next day.

I just turn the wifi off. That works like magic😅 They then get into bed and read for a bit or just go to sleep. Depending on their plans for the next day, in the holidays, I probably turn the wifi off at 10ish if not already quiet in their rooms

10pm.

I’m finding it baffling a 17 year old needs bossing about and micromanaging about screen times/bedtimes.

has been working full time since she was just turned 17, cannot imagine infantizing her when she brings home more than me and helps pay the rent 😂

You read to your 13 year old 🤔?

Our 11yo gets sent upstairs by 9:30pm as he wakes up at 6:00-6:30am still. We don’t police his lights off but he knows he has trouble sleeping if he doesn’t turn it off by 10pm.

We read to him too. It’s nice.

I don't think we need to be pedantic about 'putting then to bed' it's just a turn of phrase, you know what I mean! 🙄

kids don’t suddenly turn into adults at 18. It’s a gradual process whereby from mid teens to 18 they gradually have more responsibilities, freedoms etc. If a 17 year old has been micromanaged to the extent that their screen time is managed, they’ll be a useless adult. The point is help our children grow into functional, independent adults capable of navigating the world on their own. Of course we still help and support them- I still help my 19 year old with loads of stuff when he needs me, but they need to be given some independence and opportunities to show their capabilities.

Mine are

6 - school night 7 lights out 7:30, summer hols 8 lights out 8:30

11 - school night 8:00 lights out 8:45 (he needs a LOT of sleep and gets up at 7am bang on every day)
holidays 8:30 lights out 9:15 unless we’re out or he’s got friends etc