What time would you put an 11 and 13 year old to bed over the holidays?

[Purpleturtle43]

If you have nothing for the kids to get up for in the morning? My husband and I can't agree what time is reasonable and looking for opinions.

Screens away at 8
Bed at 9 lights off at 10 for an 11 year old
Bed at 10 lights off at 11 for the 13 year old
An hour later Fri and Sat
A good bit later with sleepovers
Up by 9 Mon - Fri in the holidays 10 at weekends.

This is from memory, but in this ballpark

My 13 year old puts herself to bed. Usually 9ish on school nights, 10 ish on weekends and holidays.

When it's dark enough/ cool enough for them to sleep.

@arethereanyleftatallYou monitor screen time for your 17 year old? That’s bizarre! They’re almost an adult!

I’m in bed by 10pm so sometime before then 😂

I'd let them decide and see if they can self-regulate.

If not, then in bed by 11pm latest.

My eldest is 11, starting secondary in September.

School night - bed at 9 but can read for as long as he wants, he usually falls asleep by about 9:30/10:00.

Non school night - bed at 9:30 but again can stay up reading as long as he wants.

No phones or PS5 after 8pm and every Saturday night is his late night, he stays downstairs with us until he gets tired. He usually falls asleep on the sofa then goes up when we do.

He has always been a very early riser, (5/6am until about the last 6 months where it sometimes pushes 7am) so he does he need his sleep.

Screens off by 10. Lights out 11. Up by 9.

This

I would.

You can’t just leave them on a screen all day.

No time. I wouldn't have any rules about that.

Mine are 10 and 12. Def no “putting to bed” but gentle encouragement happens about 10.30. Lights out ideally 11 but sometimes later,

You can't control a 17 year old's screen time. That moment has passed long ago.

I’d keep bossing them about till at least 18.

Surprised some people don’t have a rough bedtime for an 11 year old, it’s still quite young? My 10.5 year old is 8.30pm bedtime on a school night and he seems to need it with lots of sport and clubs etc. in the holidays it’ll be more like 9pm. DH and I like to have a little bit of alone time before we go to bed, to watch some adult tv.

13yo need time is 9.30 here… but I have no recollection when the last time was they were in bed before 10pm 🙈 (looks over at dd3, 13, sat on the sofa watching Charlie XCX on TV at 10.58pm). School holidays were pretty chilled and they go to bed whenever but don’t tend to push it. If they’re run down I’d be firmer about bedtime.

Yes that does seem crazy, when I was 17 and it was summer I’d still be out at 10pm.

Same age boys. Screens off depending on how long they’ve been on during the day.
13 has been on school break since 11 June, 11 just broke up yesterday.
They don’t have a bedtime, 11 goes up when he’s tired (usually by 8-8.30), 13 usually by 9.30.

If you still need to boss them about at 17 you’ve failed to parent them too the point they should be able to manage themselves.

Sorry for being off topic but my dad used to say 'pit' - "get out of your pit' to me as a kid and reading this really made me smile, so thank you.

Agreed! I was hardly home at 17- I went to college, worked until quite late several evenings at a pizza restaurant (past the 10pm point that PP has her own 17yo tucked up bed!) and the rest of time was with my boyfriend and friends socialising. I would often stay over at college friends houses or my boyfriends house in the week, always got myself from a to b on public transport if my boyfriend wasn’t about to drive me. The thought of bedtimes and screen time limits is funny.

I suppose my parents didn’t have to worry because I was normal and functioning- always went to college and did my work (they would have been informed otherwise) and worked hard at my job so I didn’t have to ask for money. If I was stuck in bed all the time then they would have intervened but otherwise there’s just no need to micromanage your children when they are practically adults.

I would be encouraging them upstairs by around 11pm. I would also encourage them to be up for the day by around 10am (maybe some longer sleep-ins if it’s the first few days of the holidays and they’re catching up on sleep / enjoying the leisurely mornings).
But I wouldn’t make any of it a battle or a hill to die on unless they’re basically nocturnal, which I don’t think is healthy.
My mum used to yell and sulk at me as a teen if I lay in of a morning and it caused so many unnecessary rows and spoiled what should have been lovely holidays. Teens need sleep.

Annoyed I used the wrong “too” 🙈🙄 - puppy jumping on me while I’m posting is my excuse.

My 17yo is often in bed after me. So long as she doesn’t wake me up, is getting up for school on time and getting the grades, I’m not boosting her at all!

11 year old goes upstairs at 9ish, 12 year old at 9:45ish and 14 year old at 10:15ish but it depends on if we are doing something in the evening or not.

DN aged 11 still goes to bed at 7pm which i think is madness

I wasn’t even home at 17! I lived away at agricultural college from 16
the only rule was you had to be in your halls at 11 unless you had a permit from your parents (which we all did) and we had to sign in and out. So no curfew, no screen time monitoring, nothing