House trashed whilst I was at work

[Monkey987]

Just want to know what you would do in my situation.
A relative of mine (with mental health concerns) came to my house uninvited and smashed my window in an attempt to get in.
He also destroyed lots of other items in my garden and house.

He's done at least £1000 worth of damage.
I'm torn.
Am I being unreasonable to report them to the police for criminal damage so I can go through my insurance and claim?

Or do I pretend I have no idea how the damage happened.

The relative doesn't have a pot to p**s in. So no point asking them to fix it.

Maybe the family member who think you shouldn’t report it would like to pay for the damage he’s caused.

Definitely report it. It’s not just about this incident, it’s about getting the bigger picture on record.

Of course not. I said the same thing to my partner. They can give me £1000 or I call the police.
Obviously then I was made out to be the bad guy 🙄

By your partner?

You definitely need to call the police.

If the rest of the family are decent people they will be horrified at what they did, sad that it got so bad you had to involve the police but understanding as to why you had to.

If they are enabling excuse makers then whatever happens from now on will all be because you called the police and nothing to do with this relatives behaviour (I am guessing your DP's brother?). Not because they truly believe that it is your fault but because it is a really handy hook to hang all the blame on so that the blame is on you and not him or them.

Police. Insist on charges. If family don't support you, try to undermine you, want you to feel sorry for him etc then tell them you are not going to enable him and to shut it or piss off. End of. It's your home ffs.

Yes, report. Whatever follows will at least be enough to stop him attacking your house again, probably. I mean, maybe not everybody else's house. But probably yours.

A ring doorbell won't save your life if he pours petrol through your letter box and throws a match in, for example.

Sorry to be so dramatic but that's why you would be wise to get professional advice on home security. You ought to be taking steps to prevent him gaining any access, not just filming him.

I'd take this very seriously indeed - he isn't sane and your home - or you - are his target.

No victim can insist on charges - the police decide that (based on whether they think they have sufficient evidence etc). But police, definitely.

You can absolutely insist and pressure the police.

In which case, you can’t say to the police that you don’t know who did it. As they would most probably ask the neighbour. Unless you are absolutely certain that the police won’t come out, and just give you a crime number. In which case, you will take the cost hit, or your insurance premiums will go up.

Assuming it is DP’s brother, would the in laws pay for the damage if you overlooked it?
i actually think the best thing for everyone would be for BIL to get some help.

What security will stop him pouring petrol in my letter box?
Apart from massive metal gates that will cost a fortune and be ugly?

I think I’d seriously consider moving if you feel he’s such a danger to you.

The police don't take any notice of "pressure" - they press charges if they think they have enough evidence to have a decent chance of getting a conviction, and they don't if not. They spend a lot of time listening to people trying to "insist" on stuff that isn't legal, possible or the insistent person's decision to make - water off a duck's back. OP can make it clear she hopes charges can be brought and she's ready to give evidence etc, but that's all.

Their parents died years ago so no chance of in laws paying. Not that I'd expect them to.
The judgemental relatives are all siblings with their own families so no spare cash.

Agreed. The police don't give a crap how much you 'persist'.

I've had previous experience with the police as a child. It was awful and I'm reluctant to go back there.

We've only just bought our house. We can't move unfortunately for another 5 years at least because of our mortgage.

There are products (anti arson) that can be installed where the letterbox is - you don't need huge gates!

A security company can assess your home, identify weak points and help you make it secure.

I'm assuming you work for the police?

I think I would rather go down the mental health route. What will the police do about it if I say I'm worried for his wellbeing whilst reporting what has happened?

Thanks, I had no idea this was even a thing. I'll have a look.
My front garden is pretty open with a fully accessible side gate into the back garden.
Is there anything else I can do?

Apologies - I haven’t read the full thread. It wouldn’t be the police who decide whether to press charges but the CPS. The police are more likely to come round if someone has entered your house and caused damage than if they have done the same to your your car. A car is a possession; a house is a home - security; sanctuary etc.

I realise this doesn’t help with the main dilemma as to whether involve the police at all. Do you have photographs of the damage or is the house still in the terrible state he left it in? As in - is there still evidence even to show the police?

My instinct would be to report it for all the reasons others have already suggested - danger of escalation, need to have it registered, etc.

best of luck.

My partner cleaned the house up except from the smashed window so no evidence unfortunately.

I think you are right about reporting it anyway for the paper trail

But you and your DP are witnesses and so is the neighbour, right? Will they talk to the police?

My neighbour will talk to the police.
I doubt that will be enough though.

I know it's hard, but try not to let that stop you reporting. Even if all the police do is ask him a few questions, it'll probably be enough to make him see that you aren't going to tolerate this and he needs to leave you and your property alone from now on.