House trashed whilst I was at work

[Monkey987]

Just want to know what you would do in my situation.
A relative of mine (with mental health concerns) came to my house uninvited and smashed my window in an attempt to get in.
He also destroyed lots of other items in my garden and house.

He's done at least £1000 worth of damage.
I'm torn.
Am I being unreasonable to report them to the police for criminal damage so I can go through my insurance and claim?

Or do I pretend I have no idea how the damage happened.

The relative doesn't have a pot to p**s in. So no point asking them to fix it.

What would the police do? Report him to agencies who could help him.

If the police speak to your neighbours they will say they told you - just be honest

I love MN. I really do.
But it's very b+w. There's no shades of grey. It's not good at nuance.
Especially AIBU.

You'll get a YES/NO answer.

If there are shades of grey, think before you move forward.

FWIT, I'd call the police for the OP as you've posed it.

Well that would be lying and might involve the police in a fruitless investigation.

This is the only reason I would report it.
I'm not out to cause trouble.
Me blocking them and cutting them out my life is enough revenge for me.

I really doubt the police will investigate tbh

Arrest him and lock him up so he can be charged with what he's done? Isn't that their job to deal with people who commit crimes?

I've had PCSOs round going house to house in similar circumstances. It would be a waste of their time if the OP knows who it was.

Well presumably your neighbour will tell them too. Don't get info bother by lying

If they just think it's a bit of vandalism the police might not investigate but if you call and report it as concern for your relative being a danger to others - which they absolutely are if they're acting like this - the police can detain them for a psychiatric evaluation.

It's a very he said she said situation tho surely?
Maybe your police are better than in my area but from previous experience the police round here won't even come out unfortunately.
My car was vandalised previously and they wouldn't come out just gave me a crime reference number

But what's to stop him doing it again - or worse?

He knows where you live and he's at large. I would have thought blocking him might make him enraged and MORE likely to do more to you!

Seriously for your safety you should involve the Police and get some professional advice re your, and your homes, safety.

He is a danger to your self, let alone your property.

Thanks, I didn't think about this.
Maybe I'll take the mental health approach. He clearly has hit rock bottom.

Was that your relative too?
Not expecting an answer of course, but is this a sibling who you've been indoctrinated by your parents to accept the behaviour of, and they've never had to face consequences?

Report it and name the relative, so that you habe the start of a paper trail if you need to get a restraining order or arguevfor sectioning at a later point.

I reported a relative to the police.

was fucking terrifying. I don’t know why either. I kept doubting myself, trying to justify why they did it, thinking would I would be ruining their lives. I’d also blocked them so there wasn’t much chance of them doing it again. A big part of me wanted to move on.

and also what if I report it and the police do nothing. Will that make them think they are in the right and I’m just a vindictive cow trying to ruin their lives.

i did report it. I am glad I did. The police do seem to be investigating, although they have told me as I’ve cut them off it’s not an “active” crime so it may take years to conclude as it’s now gathering the paperwork and evidence, which will always be low priority.

i think it’s worse when you know the suspect. You know how it’ll affect them and you know what they have going on in their lives that led to their actions.

Sounds like he needs a mental health assessment under section

Agree with PP that if they are angry enough and out of control to do this, then roaming the streets, then they are a danger to others and I would report them purely to protect others

It wasn't this relative it was a very strange neighbour I had.
This relative is blood related to my partner which makes it even more complicated as I don't want to upset his family.

What do you want to happen?

You say its a family member so I can understand the reluctance to report to police, however what if this person continues to damage your property. You need to protect yourself and set a boundary.

Its a difficult situation for you.

This. Report it.

Thanks for your reply. It's good to hear I'm not the only one with crazy relatives!

I too have that worry about ruining his life/being blamed for ruining his life.

I think it's more the worry about making permenant damage with the rest of the family.

You are right about protecting myself.

I've been on edge the last 2 days and havnt even been able to go in my garden. It's ridiculous and can't carry on :-(

If they think its for him to break into your home and cause damage and he shouldn't have repercussions, then I wouldn't really want to deal with them in future. Why is it OK for you to be upset?
Does your DP live with you?

What did your family think? Were they angry you reported it?

Yes he lives with me. He's equally as upset by it.
He's happy with whatever I choose to do