House trashed whilst I was at work

[Monkey987]

Just want to know what you would do in my situation.
A relative of mine (with mental health concerns) came to my house uninvited and smashed my window in an attempt to get in.
He also destroyed lots of other items in my garden and house.

He's done at least £1000 worth of damage.
I'm torn.
Am I being unreasonable to report them to the police for criminal damage so I can go through my insurance and claim?

Or do I pretend I have no idea how the damage happened.

The relative doesn't have a pot to p**s in. So no point asking them to fix it.

What happens next time if you are in?

This is about your personal safety as much as the damage to the property.

You need to start thinking about this.

You've already said that you no longer want contact.

You need to report the facts of the matter to the police. You were out of your home. You returned and saw extensive damage (which you’ve photographed (you need to do this!)). You asked neighbours what had happened and they said relative x did it. You are concerned for this relatives wellbeing. They may cause harm to themselves and to others and their property. You’d like a crime reference number and some information on services in case the relative returns or further damage or incident occurs.

id say it’s your partners job to step up and be clear to his relatives that Monkey has had to do a police report after relative x damaged her property and we both hope relative x gets care and support as he evidently needs it.

I guess i would have to call the police.
I've realised from this thread that I'm just putting my head in the sand and hoping it will go away..

I can’t add anything to help you with your dilemma. I doubt you will get much help from the police or mental health services. Although you might be lucky.

What I can say is, please think carefully before you claim on your insurance. You will probably have an excess on your policy so wouldn’t receive the whole £1000. Then, in coming years, your premiums will increase by more than the market rate. IME those increases work out more than the claim. There’s an industry wide claims database, so all companies are aware of claims history.

He was in complete control when he chose to do this. He needs holding to account.

Leaving you out of it, for a second.

why did the neighbours not report it?

then, think calmly.

if you did NOT know who had done it what would you have done?

if events and behaviour escalates and another person is hurt, or another’s home damaged. Or indeed the relative is injured or killed?

are you going to be THAT person on the news who says well yes, last week they destroyed my property and I just did nothing.

or, you call the police, who will have a joined up approach if history of mental health and you go from there.

It's not though is it. It going to happen again isn't it?

Realistically you need to think about not just the criminal damage element of this but also the harassment element.

It needs to not happen again, or if it does happen again you already have it on record that it's happened before so the police will take stronger action.

This was my worry. Like you say there's no point going through insurance.
It's frustrating I'm going to be left paying for some idiots damage either way.

Quite apart from your personal safety which is paramount, I would be concerned if the relative’s mental health deteriorates and he did something more serious such as arson that your insurance company would state you had withheld relevant information and so refuse to pay out.

To make a claim you’ll need a crime number and to get that you need to report this to the police. In addition, this person really does need to learn that destroying someone else’s property is not acceptable, hopefully he’ll get community service and have to help fix the mess he made

It's not though, is it, because your neighbour confronted them!

You have a witness so you cannot lie to Police and say you don't know who it was.

If they had no logical reason why they might break in then surely their mental health has deteriorated to a point that they are a danger. I would get the police involved as you could potentially be stopping their behaviour escalating to something more serious.

I don't know if you missed my earlier post, but whether or not you involve the police please do get a professional security company to visit and make your home and safety secure.

Absolutely call the police. You need to fix your house and you need a crime reference number, so get it. But secondly, this is someone clearly in crisis. You are not ‘ruining his life’. If he’s gotten to the point of smashing up houses of random people he knows, his life is pretty screwed. He is a danger to people and he is very likely a danger to himself. What if he self harmed or hurt someone next? This is really quite serious and it sounds like you have been conditioned to downplay this stuff and take the hit for everyone else. This is one of those times you really need to find your balls and act.

This.

as usual first reply nails it.

It's frustrating that we havnt even got some of my partners family members on side.

I can't understand how they still think he's innocent and we should be all forgiving and understanding. 🙄

I think you should report it so the police can get a psychiatric evaluation and probably have the relative sectioned. This might be the best thing for their mental health and a respite for the family.

Thanks, sorry I did miss your previous reply.
My neighbours got a ring door camera. Which is how she intervened.
I'm thinking of getting the same. What else would you recommend?

I was just about to say something very similar to this. Don't lie by omission; it won't go down well if they do decide to investigate.

Did your neighbour tell you it was your relative, or did you guess from the description? If the latter, did you tell the neighbour that you knew who it was?

Yes, but those other relatives aren’t the ones who got their property trashed so I wouldn’t worry too much about what they think!

Call the police. Get a crime number. Claim on the insurance.

Definitely call the police. They didn't stop to think about you when creating the damage.

We've lived here over 10 years so my neighbour fully knew it was our relative and asked them wtf they were doing.

He slept on our sofa for over 6 months about 7 years ago so he's no stranger.

And how would they feel if it was their house that he'd caused £1,000 of damage to? Have any of them offered to help with the cost of putting it right?