DSC birthday present

[MILisProfessorUmbridge]

It was DT birthday recently, PIL bought them a nice gift each.

DSC is here, he has also been given the same present when his birthday isn’t for months.

DT receive nothing from her on DSC birthday.

AIBU to be a bit miffed about this?

What is a DT?

Twins.

Even if I was miffed it isn’t something worth stressing about.

Thank you. I have not seen that one before.

How old are all the children? What was said when giving the DSC the gift? Here is an early birthday present for you or just here's something for you to open?

It does seem a bit strange if giving DSC something when it's not their birthday and then not doing the same for the other children. Are the twins not biologically related to the PIL while the DSC is?

Does dsc receive his gift in front of the twins ? I assume that dsc was there when the twins received their gift.

Some families do a gift for the (step/half/full) siblings for children’s birthdays (I personally don’t and my kids never complained)

Does DSC live with you full time?

PIL are biological grandparents to all children.

DSC was not there when DT received there gifts.

DSC is here EOW.

Present was given to DSC as “here, I bought you a present”. DT were not present as the time but are aware DSC has been given this.

All children are under 10yo

Have you asked her ? They must be very similar in age if the gift suited all 3.

doesnt seem like a situation where she has come to a birthday party and given him a present as well.

may well be just a thought you would like it so picked it up - could be completely unrelated to anyone’s birthday.

So the paternal grandparents sent their eldest grandson a present as well as the younger twins, on the twins’ birthday?

Seems to me they are wanting to make sure he doesn’t feel he’s getting pushed out by the new second family. That can definitely happen with the children of a first marriage.

The twins live with both of their parents every day. The older boy only sees his dad every other weekend. I think it’s nice his grandparents want to make sure he feels special too.

My parents have 6 grandchildren they spontaneous give them a gift if they see something they think one will like but don’t go out their way to buy the other 5 something every time. It’s all swings and roundabouts.

Your DSC sees their parent 2 days out of 14 and you begrudge them having a gift from their grandparents?

YABU. But try not to let your DT’s pick up on your nastiness towards their sibling.

°

Can you raise it with the PIL and ask them about it?

Do they feel that because with twins there are two so DSC is left out of they don't get something at the same time whereas with DSC only getting something for their birthday there are two others who aren't? Either way it is a strange way to go about it.
I think you or your partner needs to say to them if they are going to buy gifts for the non birthday child then it needs to happen for all of them or that they just stop doing it as they can accept it's not their birthday and they will get presents when it is!

@Notouchingmybhuna
it is not the gift, it’s that it’s the exact same thing DT had to wait until their birthday for yet DSC is bought it anyway.

i dont think a gift makes up for them not seeing a parent much either…

I see- that is weird. I would let it go if my twins were unaware or get my h to ask his mum about it. As pp said It could be one of those weird sympathy gifts that some people do because a child’s parent has a second family.

I don’t think it’s weird. They wasn’t attending the birthday and so when shopping they may have been like oh he will like this 2 and haven’t seen him in a while so will treat him.
was probably Just because they knew he would like and he is their grandson. It wasn’t a party and wrapped up and given at the same time as a birthday present.
they just treated their other grandson to something spontaneously that they thought he might enjoy.

How old are the children?

OP in truth… I think you being miffed stems from you feeling like your children should have had their birthday ‘all to themselves’, and that the SC shouldn’t have been ‘a part of it’ by receiving a gift too.

It irks you as you feel your SC is being treated favourably. However, the grandparents sound lush….and I would let it go. You’ll make yourself look an idiot if you create a fuss over a gift for a child. Pick your battles. It’s hard being a step parent, it’s harder being a step child. You have choices, they don’t.

But it seems weird to buy exactly the same gift and by the sounds of it something quite substantial considering the twins had to wait for yet DSC gets it anyway.
I guess this is another difficulty of second families and I agree with another poster that the PIL are doing this to compensate with the child not always being there (though ignoring the fact they are with their mum who may have a new partner and who is still experiencing nice things despite the seperation).

So you admit DSC suffers from only seeing their dad EOW?

And yet you’re ‘miffed’ because their grandparents ( who presumably also only see them EOW) bought them a gift?

How have you managed to ensure that your DSC has spent every birthday with you, given your EOW arrangement?

We don’t know the gift or the circumstances of the other boys financial home life. His is single child with twin siblings who love with his dad. He spends weekends there so for example if it was a Nintendo switch / iPad or something

it may have just been a simple in there heads of well he will like this to and if he goes up the weekend he won’t have one to join in on.

it’s hard to know any malicious reasons unless there is a huge back story or she asks them why.

I get where you’re coming from. Fine if they didn’t want to leave SC out and bought them some chocolate or whatever but to give them the exact same gift as the birthday twins is quite odd. Especially as the twins won’t receive the same when it’s the SC’s birthday.
I’d have to mention it/DH mention it

I get it OP.

mayne you should say what the gift is - or think of an equivalent... might help.people visualise?

For example the twins each recieved a switch console for their birthdays (which they had been wanting for ages). Within a week their older sibling is also given the same switch console despite it not being their birthday - and them getting their own presents on their birthday earlier in the year (and for completeness the twins did not get any such substantial gift near the time of the older childs birthday let alone a duplicate of his birthday gift.

I'd be pretty annoyed at that too and want to ask why the kids were being treated differently.

Now imagine this

stepson got a small Lego set and a yoyo for his birthday. When twins birthday was coming up there was a discussion they would both like a switch and the grandparents said oh well we will treat them to those.
time comes around and they go to buy the switches and own says oh but Bobby would like one to i guess and when he goes around for only 2 days every fortnight it might be nice for him to have one to play with the twins. Not even thinking it through.

there is so much variables to know if it is unreasonable nor they possibly could have just doing their best at the time.

if it was something like a Nintendo switch though no way would I be ringing and complaining after such generous gifts !

Yes but if the twins had been wanting this gift for a while then told they had to wait for their birthday but then see their step sibling getting the gift they were told to wait for just because that doesn't seem very fair. There needs to be an explanation to the children and if it is something expensive like this then it would seem unfair if DSC then got another substantial gift on their birthday and the twins nothing.