Blowing rasberries. Should I be concerned?

[Hotandbotherd]

I have name changed due to the sensitivity of this post. I am anxiety ridden writing this!

I know blowing raspberries are a fun part of play with children. But how would you feel about a 'grandparent' (not blood related) allowing your 3 year old daughter do this on his bare stomach, kept lifting his top up for her to do it and giggling saying 'oh its all wet and tickles'

I was SA as a child and I don't know if this is me being triggered from my past or if this is alarming.

There has been other things with the same person similar things being 'playful' that i feel overstep the mark, like bum smacking. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I tend to step in and say things to distract my daughter away like in this instance I said 'your not blowing raspberries on granddads tummy are you!!!' And he stopped. This is in a room with other people that are clearly not faized by this.

I don't want to say too much more, but me and my partner are both on the fence with this but we are uncomfortable. We know if we say anything there will be a huge fallout with probably no coming back from it.

I wouldn't like it. If a child tried doing that to me I'd e deeply uncomfortable, because it just feels wrong. Trust your gut.

I wouldn't like it, but I don't think it necessarily a sign of anything untoward. I'd just tell the three year old that we don't blow raspberries on people's tummies and leave it there. She shouldn't think this is ok behaviour with any adult really! Apart from maybe you and her dad.

I wouldn't leave her alone with this person either. Sometimes you have to listen to your gut.

Yes, this feels wrong to me, and weird.

Admittedly I did blow raspberries on my own children's stomachs when they were babies/toddlers, as they found it hilarious.

It's out of order. YANBU.

I wouldn’t like that at all. I’m really uncomfortable with enforced affection from a child, even if it’s me and my own! If he wants to stop me hugging him, for example, he just says so and I stop so this is massively overstepping to me!

Mind you, I may be a little too sensitive with this stuff myself. My friend quite often will sit next to me DS on the sofa and put her arm around him and I don’t like it. I just think, you wouldn’t do that to an adult you’re not close to, why is he fair game just because he is a child? They aren’t even that close!

Totally different, they’re YOUR children and they clearly liked it! I’m sure you wouldn’t have done it if they didn’t

YANBU. You don’t have to declare he’s over stepping though, you could just calmly and casually step in every time the behaviour doesn’t suit you. Go and get child’s hand and say oh no, that’s not the type of playing we do and lead them away to something else breaking up their play. And it goes without saying don’t leave your child alone with them

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This is my completely visceral, instinctive reaction @Hotandbotherd .

I think something is wrong. I think the GP is potentially grooming.
Sorry. Really sorry.

That different, they are your kids and you were blowing raspberries on them, totally normal. This is a 3 year old blowing raspberries on a grown adults bare belly, the two don’t compare so don’t worry about that.

Can’t your child tell her he doesn’t like it?

Urgh that's sounds creepy as fuck.

Seems like potentially grooming...

I misread the OP and thought it was a grandparent doing it on a child when playing together, and thought it’s quite an overreaction on this thread. Then I re-read and it made me feel very uncomfortable. Even with a related grandparent it feels very very off.

I don’t think anybody should be doing this.

You could say she tried to do it to a nursery worker and they mentioned it was inappropriate so you’re trying to get her to stop doing it to anyone.

It its giving you horrible icky feelings then they've overstepped the mark.
Whenever they do anything like that just physically remove child from them and keep close to you. If they continue then minimise contact as much as necessary.

Excellent advice.

Put in a Sarah’s Law application for added peace of mind, but in the meantime trust your gut instinct

@WhereIsMyJumper needs to say it, it shouldn't be up to the child.

See this is where it’s a little complex, I know he didn’t mind it - I could tell and I even asked him afterwards. I said you can tell anyone at anytime to not touch you, including me and your dad (he is 7 so a little older) and knew immediately what I was referring to and said he didn’t mind it.
I was uncomfortable with it though. So maybe I am being unreasonable. He’s never been an affectionate kid other than with me and his dad (he is very affectionate with us!) so I was surprised he didn’t mind it!

So why didn’t you say anything if it really bothers you? If you are expecting him to speak up for himself when you don’t speak up for him it’s a confusing message and he’s far more likely to just decide he ‘doesn’t mind it’ to avoid confrontation, as that’s what you are teaching him. It’s a lot easier to put your parents straight than other adults

Ewwwww that’s really weird. And the bum smacking too. Yuck. You definitely need to stop both of these OP.

Is this some sort of generational thing? Or because this is a girl? That everyone thinks it inappropriate and grooming behaviour.

My kids are now teen/young adult but they used to do this to their step-granddad, 12-17 years ago based on their ages. He had a big wobbly belly which was perfect for getting really good raspberries. It was all completely innocent. He also used to playfully 'bum smack' them, except it was never really actually a smack. It doesn't describe easily, but genuinely, it never ever felt inappropriate, just a older man messing about getting his grandkids to giggle and run away. All of it was just silly play.

By the time they were 4, they had all grown out of it. Then they used to help him in the garden, do other things together. He was a childlike man in many ways who was brilliant at entertaining little ones, sadly no longer with us.

With all that said, if you aren't comfortable, you need to intervene.

I do this with my Niece. It's also one of my favourite memories of my Dad doing it with me when I was little. He's blow raspberries on my tummy, and my niece blows them on my arm. Actually, that reminds me, we've not done it for a few years now, probably since she was about 4. I'll ask her on Sunday and see whether she'll still grab my arm and do it when I'm not paying attention. 🤣

Yes, you make a fair point. I should have said something at the time. Trying to avoid confrontation myself isn’t exactly teaching him a good lesson and I’ve resigned to only seeing this friend when he isn’t here. I know she doesn’t mean anything by it, she has loads of young nieces and nephews and is affectionate with all of them.

It just sounds like normal playing for that age to me, especially with an adult considered a grandparent and in a room of people.