I want to change my name back to my maiden name but remain married.

[unsurewhattodoaboutit]

As I’m approaching retirement I want to change my married name back to my maiden name. I feel the name doesn’t suit me. It’s exactly the same name ( first and surname) as my sis in law. Neither of whom I get on with. None of the other women that married the boys in that family changed their names from their maiden name. Plus as I get older I want to feel more connected to my brothers and that lineage. AIBU?

My husband took my name (because he never actually knew his birth dad, who left before he was 6mo and his mum has remarried, so she and his step siblings didn’t have his surname anyway) and it’s the best thing ever. I would encourage more women to keep their maiden name or give their husband their name.

Wrong thread!

Agreed. Im also in favour of women passing in their family name to their children, too. Especially to daughters.

I've been thinking about this a lot too, though I've been happily married for a long time. I want to keep my passport and bills and all things family in my married name but work and everything 'me' would be in my maiden name. Might start with changing online shopping accounts 🙂

It would be controlling if before the marriage happened and someone said they wanted to keep their own name and the other person said they had to take a new name.
It’s not controlling for the husband to be offended that you took his name at the time of marriage and then time passes and you decide you want your maiden name back.

Why? If you don’t mind me asking?

Not really.

Surely people realise individuals can choose for themselves. People are allowed to change their minds. It's no reflection whatsoever on the husband or the marriage.

People can choose but it doesn’t make it controlling if the other person gets offended

A husband has no business being offended by his wife's name choice.

I think it's a mixture of my parents getting older and thinking about my ties to them, my siblings and the larger family as a whole (I'm the only one with a different name) and the fact I've always felt my married name was never mine, it belongs to a different family, yes it's my husband's but it's not the one I learned to spell aged 4, it's not the name my grandparents had etc
And I just like signing my old name more than my married name 😄

A change of name deed is the simplest form of deed and can be done by the OP herself so it shouldn't be an issue at all.

Why would you think that?

Can we please stop calling it a “maiden” name? It just perpetuates the belief that women’s names are different to men’s and that women should signal their marital status through their names while men continue unencumbered. Fuck that.

(Neither DH or I changed our names on marriage and DD has my name as her surname (and DH’s as a middle name).)

I’m going to guess he came to terms with it (once he realised his dick wasn’t about to shrivel up and fall off).

I refused to change when I married DH. I don’t like my family but I’m not running from it. He took mine. Is that an option? Hyphen yours with his. Or him take yours. Else just to it or make something new.

I think it is reasonable, though I'd hope you would be able to have a conversation with your DH to say why you have come to the decision you have.

Now that we have same sex marriage, I think at the time of marriage the question should be asked if you (and your DH or DW) want to take one of your names for both of you, keep your current names, or use both?

If you’ve shared something with someone for a long time then they randomly decide to not share anymore, especially something like a name I think made or female would be offended. Not everyone would be but a lot would be. If before we got married my husband said I don’t want you take my name… I’d be offended by that

The law hasn't changed since I changed my name over twenty years ago. She needs to be clear on the law and to tell them what they are asking is not necessary. Interestingly, I had an issue with my mobile phone company when I changed my name. I found that once I explained to a manager I was reverting to my maiden name rather than changing my name per se, it was as easy as with everywhere else.

Nice to hear and understand different perspectives on it. I was more confused on the two names for different things, I’d loose track of who I am 😂
I took my husbands name and the family we built all have our name so I never even think about my maiden name. My mum remarried so has a different name now and siblings marry and have different names so I don’t really feel any ties to my maiden name.

It's not his name. Men don't own names.

Id be offended by any potential or existing husband thinking he is allowed to have any influence over what I choose to be called.

No one said anything about him having an influence over the name but he is allowed to have feelings on the decision.
You say it’s not his name, men don’t own names, so by that thinking women also don’t own names? No one owns a surname but most of us have one and male or female can decide what that is

But imagine if they hadn’t. It feels like in your family it’s automatic that women change their names. Why is that? Why continue the sexism again and again? Does anyone ever really think about it or is it just the done thing?

My SIL took BILs name. Both in their 40s when they married. She now has a more obvious connection to his children than her own daughter (and they can’t really change the daughter’s name as she has the same first name as one of BIL’s children). Just seems such an odd choice to me.

Women are expected to give their names up. Men aren’t.

Of course he can have feelings. But he should keep them to himself.

I took my husbands name because I prefer his name to my maiden name, my mum changed hers because it was her choice to do so. You’ve jumped straight to sexism because me and my mum changed our names to our husbands. Did you not stop to think about what I meant by siblings because you’ve automatically jumped to that meaning sisters… why is that? Is it because the alternative you can’t scream about sexism?