I want to change my name back to my maiden name but remain married.

[unsurewhattodoaboutit]

As I’m approaching retirement I want to change my married name back to my maiden name. I feel the name doesn’t suit me. It’s exactly the same name ( first and surname) as my sis in law. Neither of whom I get on with. None of the other women that married the boys in that family changed their names from their maiden name. Plus as I get older I want to feel more connected to my brothers and that lineage. AIBU?

Go for it. When married I kept my driving licence in my birth name and had passport in married name. Also had bank accounts in both. Both were my legal name . Make sure you have photo id in both so you can prove you have both names.

Do it if you want, but I wouldn’t want to if I’d been married for a long time as it would just be a nuisance.

my name was changed when I was a child and it has long been a fucking nuisance. I was grateful to change it on marriage as that’s a “normal” reason to do so and forms account for it.

I kept my maiden name as a middle name.
In my 50s, like you, my maiden name seems to mean a lot more to me. My db died without kids and it just seems more part of my identity.

I'm in a civil partnership and I've kept my surname, one of my sisters is married and kept hers too. We have quite an unusual surname with some history (not famous, just historical), so it's useful for being recognised professionally, and we like being associated with our own family - just because we get married we don't change families so why change our names?

When it came to having children, I said to my partner if I have a girl she'll take my name, a boy will have yours, and he was fine with this. I ended up having all boys, which is the way it goes, but I would have liked to carry on my family name. Luckily both my brothers have.

Interesting. What name goes on your payslip, and what name does HMRC know you by? I know everything gets linked by NI number, but I can imagine it becoming confusing if the names are not consistent on all your paperwork.

No, but I should have known someone on here would say something idiotic like this.

Where did I say it needed to be 'deep'? Your antagonistic reaction to a simple comment say it all really. Good luck with that.

I'd be really offended if my spouse did this.

"thoughtful conversation with your husband first so that he understands your reasons."

She doesn't have to have reasons, she can just change her name.

Just do it.

No one said she can't do whatever she wants – why are you suggesting otherwise?

Yet having a basic conversation with your partner, presumably when you've been married for a number of years and have already previously taken their name, is rather a good idea in a marriage. As otherwise, suddenly changing it back can signal unhappiness and discontent should you choose to keep them in the dark as to your reasons. It's pretty simple, signals that you're not ignorant to what a change such as that may imply and that you care to let them know otherwise. Applies to whether your a man or a woman.

Take your man-hating hostility somewhere else. Thanks.

Did you say that before the marriage though? Deciding to keep your maiden name before the wedding is different to being married for years and deciding to change back to a maiden name.

The same name for job, hmrc and bank account that wages were paid into. Different name on another bank account and driving licence. I have obviously declared both in things like a DBS but it has the option to give other or former names so not an issue. Divorced now so all back to birth name.

Cool, i kind of like the idea of two names, but I didn't know it was actually possible to do.

Chose their own name?

Bit controlling surely?

Do it.

Why is it hard to prove your name? I have never changed mine and it’s the easiest thing to do. I simply did nothing. All my documents are always in one name.

For the OP, do whatever you like. The difficult part is getting all your documents and bank accounts back to your old name.

It’s just respectful to do it that way. Just switching without letting him know ll come across rather weird or resentful of him, infact.

I’m divorced. Been known by my married name many years. XH gets married soon and I don’t want the same name the new wife (Mrs X, not same first name). Does anyone know if I can get a passport in my married name (need a new one anyway) and keep it til that runs out but change my name back to my maiden name for other things like work?

Go for it! I didn't change my surname when I got married. I completely understand if people want to, but for me my surname is part of my heritage and any achievements (both prior to and after marriage) are of my own doing. My children have double barreled surnames and that works for us. My husband wasn't best pleased at first, but that's just something he had to deal with when he married me. Acknowledging both our family names felt like the fairest thing at the time - and still does.

I changed back to using my maiden name after 5 years of marriage. Whilst it's true that you can legally use both names, most institutions don't know that so getting all my documents updated back to my maiden name was a ballache. I had to do a deed poll... and it nearly cost me a job once because their computer system assumed I must be divorced to go back to my maiden name and insisted on a decree absolute to process my job offer. DH and I actually talked about getting divorced and remarried so I'd have the right paperwork.

Anyway, it's been 10 years and I don't regret it at all.

I downloaded a legally viable Deed Poll change of name free of charge.

Do it. I'd always retained my birthname in certain admin areas - but dropped my married name after 20 years (dad died/dh & I were having issues, but we're still married/never liked married name/love birth name) felt MUCH "better" having done this. DH wasn't thrilled & said it was important for us to share surnames. Told him to change his then.

It's very easy and straight forward. Go on line download a change of name deed or copy and paste the similar wording into a Word document, print it off, sign it, you need 2 witnesses (friend, neighbour, work colleague etc are all fine to use).

Then send it off to get your passport changed, then use your passport and the Deed to change driving licence, bank accounts etc.

Very easy and only needs to be the fee to the passport office and DVLA.

My colleague changed back to her maiden name after about ten years of marriage and two kids. She just said she regretted changing it and wanted it back. It was a total non issue. I didn’t change my name when I married and don’t know many people that did. I think it’s dying out a bit.