To be strict about piano practice

[ProcrastinatorsAnonymous]

My 7 year old has always loved music and is enthusiastic to start piano lessons soon. Practice is obviously key, but I'm aware it can feel like hard work at times. I had lessons as a child, and although I wanted to learn, my daily practice became a huge source of arguments in my household - my parents wanted me to get my 20 mins done the second I got through the front door, whereas I wanted to decompress. I gave up after Grade 2 and really regret it.

I'm wondering how best to negotiate this with my own children. There will inevitably be times when the enthusiasm wears off, it gets difficult, scales are boring and they don't want to practice. What's the best way to address this? I'm obviously not going to force them up to grade 8 if they're just not into it - but I do want them to give it a good go for a few years and at least become proficient at piano, as a foundation for trying other instruments.

• What time of day is best to practice? I'm thinking a set routine is going to be easier than negotiating each day when it will be done. Eg - in the morning before school (although this would be 8am and we have retired neighbours in a semi)? Or half an hour after getting in from school?
• Are there certain methods of learning that make it more fun? (Keeping up enthusiasm is more important to me than swift progress)
• Should I just say "Fair enough" if they don't want to practice some days? Or maybe say they need to practice 5 days per week, so they can play two "Not Today" cards? I'm really keen to avoid this being a source of tension.
• What are some good strategies for encouraging them to keep trying when it's hard?
• How long is reasonable to expect a 7 year old to practice?
• How do you know when a child is just in a bit of a funk with it and can be pulled out (as I think I was) versus when it's time to knock it on the head?

Any advice on any aspect of this much appreciated. Am I being too Tiger Mum? We don't generally force them to do things they're not into - it's just eldest is into this (at the outset at least) but I know it will become a chore at some point - and I really wish someone had made me keep going when I hit that block!

Hahaha! That is an inspired form of rebellion!

I am currently learning piano as a 44 Yr old and I love it..... but its my choice! I practice after work for at least an hour but sometimes it carries on if i get caught up.

Sorry but I need to know more! I love Tim. I’ve read similar about him-although if he’s done grade 3 and I’ve seen him talking about all sorts of high grade music terms and chords etc I feel like he must be to read music somewhat!

Anyway- that’s amazing you got to meet him and talk about piano! I can only dream. He’s just the most amazing musician.

I did grade 5. I didn’t practise as much as I probably should have. Scraped my grade 4&5. I often did zero practise between lessons. But - as he said on that video, I do sometimes find the music online for a pop song I like and I can play it. Which is what I love now.

’incentives’ never hurt. Star for each practice and maybe a gift when 50 are reached.

Why cant they decide when they are older

I don;t think it is inevitable that the enthusiam will wear off, it never did with my child. I never had to tell her to practice, she went to the piano the minute she got in from school, playing was her relaxation. She
only did 2 grades - grade 2 and grade 8 because her teacher thought exams would hold her back, so she progressed very quickly. The same applied with her 2nd instrument. You can't force a love of playing, but I think you can destroy it with rigid practice times and constant exams. If your child wants to learn so they have the pleasure of being able to play for their whole life, exams aren't necessary, if they want to be a profesional musician, they can just take what they need to get them into a music college (in our case 2 instruments at grade 8).
Music is supposed to be fun not a chore, and if your child loves it they will find the technical stuff and the practising fun too, just the same as if they want to excel at football or whatever, they'll happily go out and practice their ball skills without being asked.

Trust me as someone who hadn’t played for years, now whenever I get out a book to play, one of the kids who had zero interest 5 mins earlier is taking over the keys!

You just ignoring the comments from people whose parents sucked all the joy out of learning?

Ha! Maybe it’ll go that way… I can definitely see it going that way with my youngest!

Pick your battles.
Definitely not when they are tired, hungry or upset about something else.

Have music in your home as a pleasure to be enjoyed. If you want your child to play an instrument, they need to enjoy what they're doing without the pressure of exams and grades.

I grew up surrounded by music and musicians of all types. No one taught me to play anything, I

learned because I had role models. My mum was still singing and playing and performing right up to get late 70s when lockdown stopped it.

I play several different instruments and sing. 2 out of 4 of my kids are musicians. The other 2 are musically inclined but aren't doing anything with it right now. We do all sing though when we get together.

OP, if he's literally just starting and can't already read music, 5 or 10 minutes every other day will be plenty initially. Long sessions when you can't "do" much yet are frustrating!

But if they want to be a serious pianist, they will have to take control of it themselves and from an early age. It’s going to need to come from something in themselves. Same as sport, dance, art. They need to find the self motivation.

edit to add, my 12 year old is still working on his self motivation. But he is talented and plays piano, euphonium and bass guitar. He is in a highly regarded youth orchestra (in our country) and has taken no exams in any instrument. Both the orchestra and d his tutors are happy with this. He does practice but not every day and I don’t ask him to. Equally between tutor, school band and orchestra he is doing 5hrs a week just on eupho. Piano and bass are just for him, so he can practice as he chooses. Again no exams But totals minimum 7 hrs a week

Forced practice is hideous? What is the point?

Even if the goal is to be a concert pianist - they need to LOVE it be self motivated to play, experiment and practice. They won't love it if it's been turned into a soul sucking family drama 5 days a week.

Your child is 7. Let them play for fun.

EDITED to add - one of my DC is in a world renowned conservatoire and was never asked, even once to practice. They just loved it and would play for hours. They tell me that you can tell who was forced as a child - it shows in the interpretation of music and style of the musician.

My parenting regret is forcing music practice. Wish I had binned it earlier. Pointless waste of time - plus relationship damaging. Half the time it’s to feed the parents ego for middle class mummy boasting rights. Grim.

There must be a difference though in forcing practice to point of relationship damaging argument and saying, hey, DC you haven't practice today/this week. Have a go on the piano for ten mins before dinner or before we head out or before we sit down and play barbies together etc. Just frame it as something to be done to get it out the way. If the ten mins goes on longer then great but sometimes there's so many distractions and demands it can be hard to sit down and start practice unless reminded. I always sit with my DC and I learn a long them with them in a way!

If they refused to practice I'd give them a few weeks with discussion around the point of practicing and the fact lessons cost time and money and if it went no where then it would be stopped.

Both my DDs play instruments. At age 7 they were practicing about 15 or 20 mins per day (can't remember). I let them choose when they want to do it, as long as it's done before bedtime. They also get to choose their 1 day off per week, sometimes they've had a lousy day and I'll allow them to roll their practice over to the following day.

I think it's a good thing to be fairly strict about practice, and I think 15 minutes 5 or 6 days a week is a good place to start.

I found it better to be regular about which days are "off" days though. Rather than letting them just decide, because that becomes a kind of get out and kids that age often don't really remember how many they have done in the week. But we did sometimes agree to switch out the usual day off for a good reason, like going on an outing that would be busy, or illness.

A regular time is best, just try and see where it would fit best, and with your child's ability to focus, and don't be afraid to change it if its not working. And ask her opinion and try it if she suggests a certain time unless it's totally nutty.

I did find when my kids started I had to sit with them to practice. They needed help for things like following the line of music, or to remember to keep good time, or to understand the directions. It just made it much a more effective practice for me to do that and avoided them "practising" errors.

Haha, I get your point. Sorry 😂

more I was trying to say it’s not really to us to force it. They will do it or they won’t. But that they should just have fun with it

but yes, my bad. I sounded like a dick 😂

Don't frame it as "forcing" practice and then you avoid the drama. It's no differernt than "forcing" the multiplication tables, or daily reading, or brushing teeth. It's just a thing you do.

Most kids early on do not see the point of things like practising letter formation, or phonics, and yet as adults many love to read and write and are very glad they learned. It takes experience to see the results and early on in learning an instrument, the music itself is not always that rewarding - most kids aren't thrilled with Hot Cross Buns. Once they get to music that's more interesting and fun, and they see results of their work, they become more motivated. Though it's back and forth IME - things like puberty can wreck havoc with motivation.

Piano practice war in my home growing up is exactly the reason that at sixteen I turn to my pressurizing parent and said “sell the piano I will never touch it again” and I didn’t!
The irony is that I was a good player and now that I have my own home (with a piano) I enjoy playing regularly but on my own terms!

Why do you quote the op? It's bad form.

Sorry but I need to know more! I love Tim. I’ve read similar about him-although if he’s done grade 3 and I’ve seen him talking about all sorts of high grade music terms and chords etc I feel like he must be to read music somewhat!
Anyway- that’s amazing you got to meet him and talk about piano! I can only dream. He’s just the most amazing musician

He is amazing in every way. :)

He reads it differently in his head. Traditional approaches didn’t work. He discovered jazz and would “play around” in that style which is how his brain processes it now. Knows the basics but he remembers the rough tune and the chord structure in his head and riffs off it - never plays the same tune the same way twice. He knows he’s ND now, but it’s taken him a long time to admit it.

(DD and I also ND - obviously we didn’t know that when I was a child and my 2x music teacher parents were forcing me to practice. On the upside, with the sort of music teacher that my dad was, the degrees of separation to people like TM are few. I know quite a few very famous musicians. :))

I always find this so difficult. I was forced to play instruments from 5 and had to practice every night. No excuse. I got my Dads point to an extent but I hated it. I played ( and earnt a large amount of money ) from age 11 to about 21. I was forced too as the family needed money and it was my Dads dream. I absolutely hated it. It caused to much anxiety and I left music at 21 and barely ever pick my instrument up. I do understand why my dad forced it but when I had my own child I refused to do that. I let her decide, consequently she didn’t practice and gave up said instrument after a year or so.
Recently she told me as an adult that I was silly not to have forced her and she’s upset I didn’t which makes me think parents can’t win.
I do like the idea of ten minutes a day and maybe a few rest days a week. I never had that and I’d have to come home for things to practice. On the other hand I really was very talented and wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t practiced.

@ProcrastinatorsAnonymous finding the right teacher is far more important than how often the practice takes place.

My recommendation is to find one who will teach your child some songs that they like as soon as possible. If they are enjoying the instrument and can play recognisable tunes (as opposed to scales etc) then they are far more likely to practice.

My mother was insistent that I practiced an hour a day or I might as well not bother. She was wrong. Even five minutes a day would have been beneficial.

With any guitar students I have, the first thing I do is get them to write me a list of their 20 favourite songs in order that I can find some that are relatively easy and weave them into the early lessons.

I was lucky and had teachers who inspired me, and so I think the teacher is the most important part of the equation.