To be strict about piano practice

[ProcrastinatorsAnonymous]

My 7 year old has always loved music and is enthusiastic to start piano lessons soon. Practice is obviously key, but I'm aware it can feel like hard work at times. I had lessons as a child, and although I wanted to learn, my daily practice became a huge source of arguments in my household - my parents wanted me to get my 20 mins done the second I got through the front door, whereas I wanted to decompress. I gave up after Grade 2 and really regret it.

I'm wondering how best to negotiate this with my own children. There will inevitably be times when the enthusiasm wears off, it gets difficult, scales are boring and they don't want to practice. What's the best way to address this? I'm obviously not going to force them up to grade 8 if they're just not into it - but I do want them to give it a good go for a few years and at least become proficient at piano, as a foundation for trying other instruments.

• What time of day is best to practice? I'm thinking a set routine is going to be easier than negotiating each day when it will be done. Eg - in the morning before school (although this would be 8am and we have retired neighbours in a semi)? Or half an hour after getting in from school?
• Are there certain methods of learning that make it more fun? (Keeping up enthusiasm is more important to me than swift progress)
• Should I just say "Fair enough" if they don't want to practice some days? Or maybe say they need to practice 5 days per week, so they can play two "Not Today" cards? I'm really keen to avoid this being a source of tension.
• What are some good strategies for encouraging them to keep trying when it's hard?
• How long is reasonable to expect a 7 year old to practice?
• How do you know when a child is just in a bit of a funk with it and can be pulled out (as I think I was) versus when it's time to knock it on the head?

Any advice on any aspect of this much appreciated. Am I being too Tiger Mum? We don't generally force them to do things they're not into - it's just eldest is into this (at the outset at least) but I know it will become a chore at some point - and I really wish someone had made me keep going when I hit that block!

My advice would be that grades are not the be all and end all. The only piano grade I did was grade 8, when i got sick of people assuming I couldn't play when I said I didn't do grades/wanted a challenge. I never practised scales and arpeggios before or since!

In hindsight I am so grateful for the opportunity to relax into enjoying playing. I'm not the most technically proficient but playing the piano did wonders for my mental health as a teenager and adult - it's such an emotional release. I'd say encourage practising but not be too pressured maybe? 5/10 mins a day? Once she reaches a certain level where she can enjoy playing she'll just play all the time.

For those of you forced to practice: Two Kinds by Amy Tan

Instrument teacher here, and my DCs learn too-
my suggestions are to have a regular practice time, before school is great as they’re not tired or busy with after school activities

Five times a week minimum as they’ll hear the progress which encourages them

Try and join a group- harder with piano but for example children’s/ school orchestra where your DC could play a percussion instrument. At secondary school this becomes their tribe with like minded students

And to start with sit with them and encourage them, also grandparents/friends can be played to, mini house concerts (that sounds a bit grand! Just 5 minute play through of their current music) happy birthday song, Christmas pieces.

They’ll have a lifetime of enjoyment of playing and listening to music- so good for mental health. And there’s 400+ years of amazing music out there. 🎶💕

Are you saying any child needs to be a “serious pianist”?

This. My DD is Year 5 and Grade 5. I probably remind her twice a week she hasn't done practice today but generally she will sit and play owing to the fact the piano is in a central location and she can play a quick tune and then will play or practice.

Some days she does 10 minutes, some days half an hour. I don't sit with her but I'm around and will shout 'that sounds great'

She plays three other instruments on top. She practices those on alternate days.

She used to do other classes like Brownies but said she wanted to quit to pick up another instrument.

DD plays two instruments, at about grade 4 and 6, so we've had a few years of this! I got her started on her first instrument during lockdown - she now plays it better than me, but it meant that I could see she was willing to practise, so I was willing to pay for lessons!

We aim for 15 minutes per instrument per day except the day of the relevant lesson. However it's focussed practice; we do it together (I have another instrument at a higher level, so I can play with her or demonstrate when she makes an error).

Actual practice (doing the parts you can't do over and over until you can) is hard work mentally and emotionally, so I'd strongly suggest going for a time when your DD is feeling resilient. I'm not a morning person, so we do it after dinner, though I also used to practice before school. Straight after school is a bit of a disaster for us - DD is hungry, and still a bit stressed/tired when she gets in.

I am strict about practice; lessons are expensive. DD knows she can stop if she wishes, but if she's having lessons, she has to practice.

Little and often. 5 minutes a day is better than 30 minutes in one slot every week. Don’t leave your child to it. Sit with them. When they tire, stop and come back to it tomorrow.

I'm not saying he does have to practice every day - quite the opposite, I'm suggesting not making a fuss when he doesn't want to, or aiming for 5 days - this is a post asking for advice about how to pitch it. Because as other responses reflect - for a young child, it is a balance between on the one hand not putting pressure on it, but on the other hand guiding them into a position where they will see progress. Seems unfair to get them lessons then set them up to see very little progress by not helping them structure a routine practice.

As I said, I'm not expecting grade 8 or "Elton John" as you put it. But my eldest isn't sporty or naturally very sociable - but music is something he loves, and it seems at the moment that it might be his best chance of finding his tribe. I've been told that piano is a good foundation to move onto other instruments that you can play with an orchestra etc.

My own parents got this wrong and it backfired. I'm trying to be thoughtful rather than "mental" - but thanks.

My 7yr old has piano lessons. I don’t ever make her practice. We have two pianos in the house and she plays them whenever she wants too. We’ll see. I want it to come from her whenever she’s ready.

My siblings and I all learned instruments. I asked for piano lessons for my 7th birthday (I am now 66).
My mother always said that if we could not motivate ourselves to practice, lessons would stop.
Even at that fairly young age, you know what you need to do to progress. Also, if it is not fun anymore, I think you should stop.
I still play, have 2 pianos (one baby grand, one upright) and also have 3 other instruments that I can more or less play.
It only became difficult, when I started being rather successful at local music festivals, which required a parental taxi service and considered teaching piano as a career. Sadly this was shut down very quickly by the parents as "not academic enough". Shame really, as I was definitely good enough and got coaching from some quite famous pianists.

Ah - I wish I could do this. But as soon as they move past Grade 1, they'll have left me in the dust! Perhaps I should have lessons again too - I would love that. But I don't know if it would put them off if I was learning too.

I didn’t force, I also didn’t encourage exams - they enjoyed taking piano lessons up till year 11 then they stopped when they felt they had less time to continue. They continued to play for pleasure and a stress break. It was a positive experience.

At that age, 10 mins a day is enough. Before school better than after. Try and do a bit longer on a weekend - 20 mins, 30 at most in the 3/4 week run up to an exam. More than this (unless they are very very willing) and you risk taking the fun out of it. They might get technically proficient very quickly but will hate it/never play as an adult.

If they are a bit reluctant to sit for long, do two shorter sessions.

Do a nice mix of stuff - scales, more technical classical, jazzy stuff, fun pop songs. Encourage some improvising etc. Don't focus overly on expecting a young child to perfect a piece. Its nigh on impossible to iron out all slips, and they get more from moving on to a new piece and improving their sight reading and keep it fresh.

If you can play a bit yourself, do little duets, this makes it more fun. my kids are 6 &8 and both love when we play together.

We have a piano that has a silent setting. I highly recommend it

This is exactly the problem - they are too young to expect them to understand the importance of "little and often".

DD(8)will usually need a nudge to practise but is happy to do so and I sit with her. We probably do 10 mins 5-6 days a week. She is about to take her Initial grade exam so we have been doing extra sight reading and aural to help confidence so maybe 15-20 mins some days.
DS (8) not interested in lessons at all on any instrument and I haven’t pushed this… although I think he would be fab at sight reading as he pointed out to DD that the notes were going higher on her sight reading!

I used to be an instrumental teacher. Different instrument. Honestly if you get them to practice once a week for 10 mins they will still be practising 100% more than about 50% of my students used to. Especially the primary aged ones. Everyone still used to progress to a degree.

The biggest benefit of learning an instrument at that age in my opinion is learning how to concentrate. I spent lots of effort refocusing the little ones during their lessons. They gain a lot from the lessons even if they don't get very good at the instrument.

I’m both a piano teacher and a mother to a 7 year old piano student (not taught by me😁). Also have a 10 year old piano player too.

So as a teacher, it’s SO obvious which kids have practised and it honestly makes the lessons so much more fun and interesting and satisfying and therefore they practise more and therefore they get more enjoyment from it and therefore they improve quicker.

As a parent, I expect my kids to practise a couple of times a week and they get a star for every 5 mins they do, and then those stars are worth 50p each. So it’s very convoluted but it works 😁

Also, if they don’t practise, it’s still ‘better’ playing once a week in a lesson than never at all. Like going to the gym is better than staying on the sofa, but you’re not gonna get buff by going to the gym once a week. Mainly, if they’re not practising then the lessons could perhaps be seen as a waste of money for the parent.

I think the key thing is the love of music and critically the right teacher.

DDs teacher encouraged a love of music - asking her what she had listened to that week, talking about theory etc.

She once told him that she sees piano keys on her ceiling when she's falling asleep and her fingers play the notes as she's falling asleep. He told her he was the same.

He helps her compose her own stuff too (and she's doing Grade 5 theory).

Like other PP have said, the main benefit for DD (autistic) is the emotional outlet it gives her - both playing and composition.

God. I hated being made to practice. It killed all of the joy of it for me. Actually so did the grades.

I retaliated with the loudest scales and appergios on repeat. Sonetime deliberately badly.

I don't know what the answer is but I suspect that if you have a gifted pianist for a kid, they will play and play and play. If they don't....well, then they don't love it do they and you're paying a lot of.money for nothing.

Thank you. This is one of those responses on MN that I have taken a screen shot of and will encourage me to stick with the hard times in relation to hobbies / music for my kids when they are older

The key for us was a brilliant teacher who my kids really loved. They practiced for her - she set expectations that they would practice.

I teach music and agree with this. 15 minutes a day at 7 years old with an option of two days a week off. Make a chart and tick it off. You do have to insist a bit once they embark on lessons as otherwise you are wasting money. Progress just won’t be made without practice.

My son got to grade 3 and had a lot of aptitude but his heart was never in it. Only practiced when reminded. Looking back not sure it was worth it. I think I’d see if they have some enthusiasm - if not, not worth it. Maybe give it a couple of years

This is a really interesting take on it - thank you!