AIBU to make a complaint to school

[Hangingwithmygnomies]

My 8 year old DS came home from school today clearly unwell. He was complaining of a a really bad headache, backache and feeling sick and "shaky" and he went straight to bed and fell asleep after some calpol. My MIL picked him up today as it's my full work day, and the teacher (not his normal one) who brought out his class advised that he has started to feel poorly after morning break, went and laid down at one point and was feeling so rough that he was unable to do any work. No one fron the school called me to tell me he was unwell and I'm really angry that he was left most of the day clearly in pain without any pain relief! To be so unwell that he couldn't complete any work and no one thought to call me to collect him, is surely unreasonable on the schools part?

I highly doubt that’s the full story.

I'm not relying on my son's say so - that is what the teacher told my MIL so why would that not be the whole story?

Don’t make a complaint. It’s highly unlikely this was done through negligence or incompetence. It’s more likely he was going slowly downhill during the day and you’re now seeing him, tired and at home, at his worst. Teachers are under huge amounts of pressure not to contact parents, and if they know you work then they’ll have be even more reluctant to call. Believe it or not, teachers have the best interest of their pupils at heart - I imagine only a monster would see a child desperately ill and in pain and ignore that, suggesting he wasn’t presenting as unwell at school as he is now. If he’s in bed with calpol, having managed the day, then what harm is done. If you feel so strongly about it then maybe an email saying that in future you are happy to be contacted if your child shows any signs of illness so you can make the call about what should be done, but I wouldn’t make a complaint, not in this, honestly quite mild sounding, instance.

This is normal for schools.
You won't get anywhere with a complaint.

@Vvvvvvvvv I think that's my issue as it seems based on what the teacher told MIL, he didn't really manage the day if he was laying down and not well enough to complete any work. If he had just felt a little under the weather and they wanted to see how he was then I would totally understand. I don't think he fell asleep because he was tired, more from pain like I do when I have a migraine, which I'm wondering if he actually maybe had one as I started getting them young. If he presented at school like he did when MIL dropped him home, I really feel he should've been sent home. I have a good relationship with the school and don't want to jeopardise that, so maybe might just mention it casually when I take him to school Monday rather than an official complaint. They're aware I WFH from home so collection is not a problem for me

I wouldn't. They obviously didn't think he was ill enough to warrant a call.

Missingbthe point but - I assume you mean lying down (not laying down😆)!

I’d take the conflict out of this…you could have a chat with a relevant member of staff, ask about what happened, say what you’d have liked to happen and why, and ask that they keep this in mind for future. Nothing wrong with constructive feedback, doesn’t need to be an official complaint to make a difference. Hopefully school will be placed to receive that,

I’d not have been happy if that was my 9yo, I get where you’re coming from.

YABU. Kids get bugs/viruses, frequently.
There are people struggling with real problems, OP 🙄

You're contradictory here - you 'WFH and they know, so pick up isn't a problem', but then earlier you say that your MIL picked him up because it was a full day for you - those two things are in opposition. Either you can pick him up or you can't. And as you didn't, you are getting second-hand information - why would you jump to making a complaint when you could just request a conversation yourself with the staff members involved? Much nicer than jumping to conclusions and escalating on the basis of a second-hand account.

@cherish123 surely if a child is not able to complete work because they're lying down (yes, yes I did mean that and not laying 😂) because they're in pain and not feeling well, that should at least warrant a call home?

@IOYOYO yes that's a good way to handle it I think

I hope your son is feeling better OP. I’m with you, I’d want to know sooner if my child was unwell. Children can get worse very quickly and I’d want to be observing him at home rather than him lying sick in school without my knowledge.

My MIL picks him up because she likes to see him and that way I don't have to take a late lunch and rush to pick him up and get back. She brings him back to my house and stays until I finish work.

I would definitely have had someone call you if I'd been his teacher, and if I hadn't, and I then had a polite email from you asking if in future you can be called if he's too ill to work, I'd accept your request and do so in future.

Usually of course (in fact, almost always) the complaints are from parents who are called and asked to pick up their sick child. Our poor receptionist got so much stick from parents who'd had to leave work. So sometimes teachers will leave it longer than they might otherwise.

I think schools have a tough time of this one. I've been the pissed off parent called in to collect a sick child, only yo get them home and have them.bouncing around all over the place. I've thought that if the school had let them have some quiet time they would have been fine to stay....

Just let them know you'd rather be called next time. No need for it to be a big deal. It can be hard to make the right judgment sometimes although it does sound like they got it wrong here.

I wouldn’t necessarily make a complaint but I would want to clarify how Ill he was and was you weren’t phoned and make it clear if he’s like that again you need to be.

Is he a bit naughty or known for making a scene?
I’ve been called to pick up my most well behaved child because they were sniffing a lot but completely happy and chatty and then not phoned when my trouble maker was hit in the face by a wooden disk leading to a large graze, bump and eventual black eye.

😂😂 You have absolutely no idea of the real problems I deal with on a daily basis, so you can stick your judgement 🙄. This isn't about a kid having a bug or virus, this is an 8 year old child with a headache and backache bad enough he was unable to complete any school work for more or less the whole day and the school not calling me to advise he was so ill.

How is he now? When you say backache, it’s not into his neck is it?

So at many schools it’s not the teacher who decides who goes home and when. It’s often someone working in the office, who is under instructions to keep the children in school if at all possible.
It’s also often the case that a child says they feel unwell, lies down in the book corner for a bit, and then feels better enough at lunchtime to eat their lunch and run around in the playground . They may wilt again afterwards, and it’s very hard to know how ill they actually are.
Maybe you can have a word with the receptionist and just let them know that you are happy to be called if DS is unwell.

Of course you should have been called if he’s so unwell he was lying down and not doing work, there’s no chance the teacher was able to keep an eye on him and teach the others!
Teachers can do no wrong on MN but on this occasion they got it very wrong to keep an unwell child in for the rest of the school day when he’s not getting better despite having some time out.

I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing but I’d be raising it with the school.

No not a naughty child at all, maybe talks a bit much but definitely not naughty or makes a scene- unlike my teen. He's hardly ever ill or has time off school. They called me last week to let me know he'd had a nose bleed which I wasn't worried about as that's a frequent thing for him, so I'm surprised that they didn't call me today considering how bad he was.

I would want to have been called too, OP. Don’t think you’re unreasonable at all!
However like you say, just have a chat with the relevant teacher and make it clear you were concerned and would like to be contacted next time.

That sounds like a really good idea!

(no MN sarcasm intended!!)

He's woken a few minutes ago - definitely a vast improvement on how he was earlier but still complaining of headache at the back of his head. He says his back is no longer hurting but it was lower back around his kidney area - I suspect maybe not drinking enough so encouraging lots of water and I'll keep an eye on him on for anything further.

Ah that’s good news x