School run – what's fair?

[ScoolRunnings]

My son (6) has been accepted at a selective school about 5 miles from where we live, as have 2 of his classmates. 1 classmate has a younger sibling who will still be attending our local school, same as us. The other classmate has an older sibling who already goes to the school which is further away.

I was discussing with my partner about sharing school runs with the 2 other families, and said that the parents with 2 children at the school should maybe take on more school runs as we only have 1 child at the school, and another who needs to be dropped off at the same time at another school, as does the other family (single mum). He thinks that the fact that we have another child isn't really their problem, and that the school runs should be divided equally. What does the internet think? I don't mind being told I'm unreasonable and would rather know now!

Is it confirmed that the other parents actually want to share school runs with you?’.

its big responsibility to tie in with other people regularly.

It's one thing if that family volunteered for the same reason but to suggest it is CF territory.

Yes, during the application process we discussed sharing school runs (but didn't go into details)

You should each do the same number no matter how many kids you have. I wouldn't do it though. It's a recipe for hassle, seething grievances and resentment.

I agree with your husband. It doesn’t really matter how many children you have going there, you still need to do the same amount of school runs regardless of whether you have 1 or 5 kids going.

Splitting equally is the only fair option

Per family not per dc.

I would expect to share the driving equally regardless of numbers involved.
In fact, I don't think I would want to get involved in a lift share arrangement otherwise.

The school runs need to be divided equally.

As in - the school runs to the private school need to be divided 3 ways between the 3 families with children there
and the schools runs to local school need to be divided 2 ways

(I'm assuming there is no issue with spaces in cars, or all bets are off)

You also need to agree your position around after school clubs. And what you do if a child is ill.

These sorts of arrangements are fraught with difficulties, so make sure you always have a fall back plan if it doesn't work.

Agree. I don't think the number of children matters. It should be split equally. Everyone needs transport every day regardless as they have at least one child going.

I am with your husband. To be honest if I was the other parent and you suggested your idea I would be thinking you were a cf and would refuse to carpool with you.

Splitting 3 ways is fair.

Sounds like it could get very complicated. You will be trying to coordinate two different school runs with the same start/finish times ,between three families.

I wouldn’t want to share pick up of 4 kids. But if I had to I’m team Husband on this.

But it seems like a complete liability for only 5 miles (but I’m rural and do 8 to buy milk).

Will they all leave school at the same time and not have conflicting clubs etc?

You split them 3 ways

Why would they do the journey more times just because they had two kids there? It’s one car doing the journey no matter how many bums there are on the seats inside.

It has to be equal to be fair for time/petrol considerations

I think it sounds complicated whichever way you split it, as there are only 5 days in a week and there's potential for confusion if you're trying to get everyone to do their 'fair share' (however defined) as you'd end up with different days each week. Also if driving two or three extra kids to the further school you'd need the right car seats on the right days (don't think I'd even fit these all in my car). If it was me I'd forget the family with the two kids there, and just coordinate with the mum who has one child at each school like you. Then you could just do one school each and swap weekly.

It should surely be split based on the number of journeys that would usually be made. So if 1 family has two kids but would usually be one journey, that counts as 1.

Not sure why everyone is saying it's a bad idea, we do this with neighbours and with a sharing, it saves us an hour or so every week which is worth the odd inconvenience it causes

It sounds like you want to arrange a school run system where you do the minimum running around

Can you cope with the school run without any outside help? If you can, I'd just rather do my own thing and opt out of the sharing thing...it's a recipe for disaster usually

Equal spilt per family, not dependant on number of children.

Tbh if I was the family with 2 children at the school and you suggested me doing more driving on that basis I'd probably just opt out of the arrangement entirely and sort myself out.

Thank you all for your feedback, which I've taken on board! As I said, I was happy to be told I was being unreasonable as I don't want to take the piss. We'll aim for an equal-ish split and I don't mind doing more than my "share" when needed.

For various reasons (ecological, economical, the work-life juggle...) we'll definitely be sharing the journeys, although unlikely to be by car and probably train/bus/tram.

I’ve done loads of shared school runs over nearly 20 years of school runs. Contrary to Mumsnet opinion(and most real life experience!) they’ve always worked well. But if anybody had tried the “Well, I didn’t have a starter…” mindset with me, you wouldn’t have seen me for dust.

If I had 2 DC doing a school run I'd rather do it all myself and have the time with them to chat with them, freedom to go elsewhere after school etc.

If you suggested I should do twice as many runs as you because I had two DC I would immediately know sharing the journey was not for me and pull back

This is a recipe for disaster, especially with your attitude.

Oh okay if not driving then it's not such a headache with carseats etc. In that case I would want to split based on what works best with the parents' schedules rather than strict fairness. E.g. it might be really helpful to me to have another parent do the school run every Monday, but easy for me to do it on Tuesday and Wednesday, and I'd be fine doing more in that case. But if I had to do equal amounts but switching days every week to make it equal, I'd find that annoying.