School run – what's fair?

[ScoolRunnings]

My son (6) has been accepted at a selective school about 5 miles from where we live, as have 2 of his classmates. 1 classmate has a younger sibling who will still be attending our local school, same as us. The other classmate has an older sibling who already goes to the school which is further away.

I was discussing with my partner about sharing school runs with the 2 other families, and said that the parents with 2 children at the school should maybe take on more school runs as we only have 1 child at the school, and another who needs to be dropped off at the same time at another school, as does the other family (single mum). He thinks that the fact that we have another child isn't really their problem, and that the school runs should be divided equally. What does the internet think? I don't mind being told I'm unreasonable and would rather know now!

I couldn’t get 4 car seats in my car, I’m sure a lot of people couldn’t as at 6 they still need them. Older kids that just have seatbelts not an issue but I’m not buying or carrying multiple seats for lift purposes.

I might think differently for public transport but I’ve never lived anywhere where that’s an option. Everything is by car here.

I start from the position of ‘What can I do and how helpful can I be?’ rather than what’s fair.
We do 6 lifts per week out of 10 despite sharing with kids from three other families. I’d like to do even more but work doesn’t allow it.
I see it as a) more time with my own kids b) helpful to other families for the sake of it and c) useful for when favours are needed.

It’s totally not ‘fair’.

I have twins but tbh when car sharing no one has said I should do double or the people with two kids. These things are divided by family normally.

Split equally. Not their problem if you have another child to get somewhere else.

Using your own reasoning, perhaps you should do twice as many school runs as the single parent because there are two of you.

We had a 3 family school run for pick up and a 2 family school run for drop off. I would say it worked ok (luckily all the DC were friends). I did thursdays (both ends) and monday mornings. DH did Tuesdays ( both ends) Family 1 did monday afternoons, Wednesday mornings (Mum) and Fridays (Dad) Family 2 did Wednesday afternoons. But family 1 would always help out if I got stuck.

Agree equal is best. Doesn’t matter how many kids you have x

If you're sharing, school runs divided equally if possible

Has to be equal to be fair regardless, doesn't matter they have more kids at the school.

However, i think this is just going to be a real chore after a while as so many different factors will come in to play. What happens when its your turn but your kids is sick and the other 2 families have already gone off to work with their cars?

I used to do the school run for DDs best friend every day even though I didn’t know the mother. Just saying.

How are you going to manage after school clubs? What is one child is sick? Do you owe an extra run.

An odd pick up is grand but no way would I sign up to sharing rubs on a regular basis.
Choosing a school isn't just about the school it so also about logistics

You do the same number. It doesn't cost more or take more time to do the journey with more children, and it doesn't cost less or take less time to do it with less children, so the number of children is irrelevant!

Hi @ScoolRunnings - I did this and always did equally. From experience I think it’s good to discuss scenarios like what happens when your own kid is ill - will you still take and if not how much warning is needed etc?
I did usually take if I’d committed to a day but this was late primary early secondary when they could be left a short while. Just worth discussing scenarios!
i think the pros of sharing outweigh the cons if you have good communication with the other person … much better than doing the run every day x

Agree with the others - per family not per school.
For the primary school there are 2 families so maybe family A takes MW family B takes TTh and alternate Fridays.
For the secondary school there is also also family C and you should do 1 day plus 2 out of 3 per family but families A and B are quite tied up with the primary school run.
So maybe BAC for MTW
ThF would then be CB (when A does Fri at primary week 1)
CA (B does Fri week 2)
AB (A does Fri week 3).
Then I can't be bothered to do the final 3 weeks but it would have to be a 6 week rota (2 families rotation at one school and 3 families rotation at the other).

I’m sure you don’t mean to come across the way you have, but you sound rather self entitled. I’m with your husband. Your other child and how many children others have attending the said school is irrelevant in terms of school run sharing. If you are going to commit to school run sharing, then it should be split equally. Also you have to factor in what if someone’s child is poorly the day their parent is doing the school run for others?! Would it be expected for that mum/dad to still do the school run with their poorly child who would not be attending that day? I personally wouldn’t get into such a shared commitment all I can see is complications x

Ohai there, you've done lift sharing by bus or train, that's great; could you explain how you did it? Does each parent have to stuff their child on the bus or train hoping the collecting family is on already? What about the reverse journey? I can't work out the actual logistics. Thank you!

Sorry but this definitely falls into cf category! Equally divided only.

Over 2 months to go until September and you already can't agree on what's fair with your own husband, let alone with the other families.

It's obviously irrelevant how many children they have since they travel together. You don't have twice as many school runs if you have two children at the same school.

But I'd rethink this arrangement as it's only going to get messier from hereon out.

Split equallly by school runs, not number of children. I do lift share and it is great…the days that I don’t have drop offs or pick ups are bliss..I can just get on with my work.
also, the children moan less /less asking for snacks etc as they chat to each other in the car. Makes for a calmer evening.

What’s a selective school at that age?

Split by runs not by children but I think it sounds like a nightmare and I do a lot of lift sharing for activities. You have to have a plan for how you’ll deal with lateness, sickness, kids falling out, wanting to do different activities after school etc. it might be that a full week is a bit ambitious but maybe do a shift each day and do 3/5 days during the week.

I'd try avoid any lift share, it's more hassle.than you think.
There'll be sick days, asked to swap days, take an extra friend also. Can you drop at sports etc, hold in to them extra 15 mins.
The waiting for all 3 to come out of school.

Equal shares per family.

I shared with a family of 3 for a while and did half. The other mum did check several times that I was ok with running around the school picking up her 3 (inc 2 in pre prep) when she only had to collect my single; I thought it was great that I only had to go every other day.

Shared equally. I couldn't be bothered to be involved with other families for school runs of it was me, I don't like relying on other people, it's more hassle than it's worth a lot of the time.

I wouldnt even get involved - I'd just sort my own kids out and if that meant dropping off a little early/picking up a little late then so be it.

All is fine until one child starts to run late, or go to an after school club or they all fall out and dont want to lift share.

Lift shares were the bane of my life!