Holiday without DH

[Zil3]

Help, I need impartial advice!
I am married with 3 children. I work part time to fit around kids and majority of my low salary goes on children’s activities and clothes/uniforms etc, and personal bills like my phone/diesel for car/basic gym membership etc.

My husband has a very well paid job that easily covers all household bills/mortgage etc with spare. He is generous and tends to spoil the children and, in my opinion, regularly wastes a lot of money on food, takeaways etc.

We have not been on holiday for years and the children are desperate to go abroad. DH had agreed we could go for a week this September (we have an extra week school hols) which would be perfect, less busy, less expensive, less hot etc.

Not booked anything yet but kids (and me!) have been getting excited about first big family holiday abroad.

DH has now said he doesn’t really want to go. He doesn’t love flying, predominantly because he is very very obese but hasn’t tried to lose weight despite saying he would. He won’t go on a boat and neither of us would want to drive abroad. He’s also now saying we can’t afford it although it feels like an excuse.

He said maybe we could go next year instead but says this each year and next year it’s unlikely we would be able to go in September, with all the positives of that.

He then made a comment about me going on my own with the kids instead and while I was upset by it at first because I want him with us I am considering it. (Although I’m not sure he meant it) The kids are so excited and I have been looking forward to it so much too. A staycation wouldn’t guarantee us the sunshine we’re all craving so that’s not an option either.

Am I being unreasonable if I say ok I’ll go on my own with them?! Should I just accept he doesn’t want to go and that means we all don’t go and have to break it to the children?

sorry for the essay 😣 and thank you in advance for any replies x

Go on your own.

I have family abroad so I regularly go on holiday with dc without dh - in fact just came back from one.

Much better that everyone who goes wants to than that someone is putting up with it on sufferance.

Unless your three children are 2 year old triplets, go!

I voted YANBU and think you should go - call his bluff and he might change his tune.

However I would be wary of essentially becoming a single parent for a week abroad and all that entails!

Absolutely take them away on your own! I’d pick something with a good kids club so you get some breaks to read a book etc.

As an aside has your DH considered/is he aware of Mounjaro, Wegovy etc? I know they have risks but might be outweighed by the risks of being very very obese and the resulting limits on your family life.

I’d be concerned that possible low self esteem, anxiety about his weight or embrassment is causing him to miss out on experiences with his children.

I’ve suggested it to him and also been with him to dieticians and weight management clinics but to no avail. He is worried about side effects of the jabs so won’t take them. Personally I feel the side effects of being 20 stone overweight are more of a concern.

Can you get someone else to go with you to help out with the kids?

Thankfully not!! My eldest is a teenager too so would help me out with younger two.

Go for it girl!!

It upsets me so much, he is already missing out on so much but I am running out of ideas to help him!

That’s a shame and I agree with you about the risk balance.

Maybe you doing things like this holiday will help him realise what he’s missing out on and give him more incentive.

I’d make it as easy as possible for yourself and go all inclusive if you can afford it so that you get a holiday from cooking. Your name will get worn out whilst you’re there but if it’s mainly “mum, can I have another ice cream?” it will feel golden. Do it!

Go for it. Book it fast before he changes his mind!

I would go in a heartbeat. And I would be livid if he'd said it was doable, getting the children's hopes up, and then said it wasn't affordable after all. Have you both been putting money aside to save up for it as it would be disappointing for the children if it couldn't be spared after all?

(Don't forget to include the cost of applying for passports and travel insurance when budgeting, it's a small part of the overall cost but if you're on a tighter budget it needs to be accounted for.)

It's sad that he doesn't want to do things like this with his family, but you can't change how he feels about it and perhaps missing out might make him find the motivation to make significant changes?

GO!

He needs to sort his weight out, maybe watching you have fun with the kids whilst he’s at home might kick him into action.

No one else you can take with you for a bit of adult company like a sibling or friend?

Go. He’s being hugely unfair in backtracking when your children and you are so excited.
have a great holiday

Do it. Not fair for the kids to miss out because of him.

Go Go Go

Thank you, we’ve already got new passports for the children in readiness and he even renewed his own which made me think we were definitely all systems go.
I will definitely get travel insurance too, that’s my biggest worry about going alone, one of us being ill/injured out there!

Do you and the DC have valid passports? If not, I would start applying for them immediately, as you might need passport numbers for the booking form.

Just a thought, but would he consider going on holiday by train, so no need to fly, or a cruise from Southampton?

Very true, my main concern is what if something happened out there but I am an anxious person by nature so trying not to let that rule my life! My eldest is a young teenager so that would help a bit at least.

Go for it. I quite often take my kids to see my family & have a few days somewhere with just the kids for a bit of a treat. Partly because DH doesn’t want to spend his holidays visiting my family, partly so there’s someone to look after the dog, partly because he’s a homebody. I am not going to limit my holidays because DH doesn’t want to go.

Yes we sorted passports earlier this year for all of us, thanks for heads up though!
He won’t do cruise and doesn’t like idea of train either. Neither of us are keen on being “stuck” on any form of transport really. I don’t love flying either but don’t want DC to miss out or worse still pick up on and mirror my insecurities about it.

Flying is like anything else, the more you do it the easier it gets. And you’ll have your teen with you which should help a lot.

Do it do it do it!! What’s your budget and what sort of thing do you fancy, maybe we can make suggestions?