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Original poster

Holiday without DH

66 replies

Zil3 · 26/06/2025 12:49

Help, I need impartial advice!
I am married with 3 children. I work part time to fit around kids and majority of my low salary goes on children’s activities and clothes/uniforms etc, and personal bills like my phone/diesel for car/basic gym membership etc.

My husband has a very well paid job that easily covers all household bills/mortgage etc with spare. He is generous and tends to spoil the children and, in my opinion, regularly wastes a lot of money on food, takeaways etc.

We have not been on holiday for years and the children are desperate to go abroad. DH had agreed we could go for a week this September (we have an extra week school hols) which would be perfect, less busy, less expensive, less hot etc.

Not booked anything yet but kids (and me!) have been getting excited about first big family holiday abroad.

DH has now said he doesn’t really want to go. He doesn’t love flying, predominantly because he is very very obese but hasn’t tried to lose weight despite saying he would. He won’t go on a boat and neither of us would want to drive abroad. He’s also now saying we can’t afford it although it feels like an excuse.

He said maybe we could go next year instead but says this each year and next year it’s unlikely we would be able to go in September, with all the positives of that.

He then made a comment about me going on my own with the kids instead and while I was upset by it at first because I want him with us I am considering it. (Although I’m not sure he meant it) The kids are so excited and I have been looking forward to it so much too. A staycation wouldn’t guarantee us the sunshine we’re all craving so that’s not an option either.

Am I being unreasonable if I say ok I’ll go on my own with them?! Should I just accept he doesn’t want to go and that means we all don’t go and have to break it to the children?

sorry for the essay 😣 and thank you in advance for any replies x

OP posts:
okydokethen · 26/06/2025 13:32

Go! Don’t let him stop you and your children doing what you want. I holiday without my DH and it’s lovely.

honeylulu · 26/06/2025 13:33

Yes i would! Book it quick before he changes his mind.

My husband works stupid hours and there are lots of school hols that would work great for a short break but he can't ever go at the beginning or end of a month (accountant). I'd happily go with just the kids but when I mentioned it they say they would be sad to leave dad behind which is quite sweet. If they weren't bothered I'd be booking it like a shot haha!

jeaux90 · 26/06/2025 13:39

Go. Many of us lone parents manage it every year you will be fine. Kids clubs often a lot of fun for the DC too. He’s being a selfish wotsit IMO though! I don’t know how he thinks the kids waiting another year whilst he works out whether he feels like losing weight is fair.

Ohtobemycat · 26/06/2025 13:46

Go on your own, but make sure itis a hotel with activities and clubs for the kids. Will make it a lot easier if you are somewhere with loads to do in the hotel.

Nanny0gg · 26/06/2025 13:47

I assume it's the weight that's the barrier for him?

Fitting into plane/train seats
Do people stare?

Docwillseeyounow · 26/06/2025 13:53

Go on your own. I have travelled on my own with my three children for years. We have a holiday home abroad so probably a bit easier. I actually find it easier when DH is not with us as I have my own routine and can do what I want, when I want.

Noshadelamp · 26/06/2025 13:55

Definitely go! It will be good for all of you.

If you can afford it try and have weekends away as well, or just you and the teen have a city break together as a trial run to build your confidence.

AppropriateAdult · 26/06/2025 13:56

I think for somebody who is very overweight, a holiday abroad can be very daunting, between the heat and the expectation of swimming or spending time on a beach. So I can understand his hesitation. It doesn’t sound like he’s controlling in other aspects of your life? As obviously that would change things.

Absolutely no reason for you and the kids not to go and enjoy yourselves, though it’s a pity as I’m sure you’d all prefer him to be there too.

Crikeyalmighty · 26/06/2025 13:58

@Zil3 20 stone overweight or 20 stone?

Crikeyalmighty · 26/06/2025 13:58

And yes go OP -

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/06/2025 14:07

@Zil3 i first went alone when my dad was just 8 . It’s daunting but you will be fine .

What about euro tunnel to France do a chalet/caravan holiday a lot of the sites there have pools and good entertainment for kids.

If he still says no then book that holiday for you and the kids .

Caligirl80 · 26/06/2025 14:14

Go for it! Have an awesome time.

But there is the different subject of your DH and his weight issues/lack of interest in figuring those out for the benefit of himself his family. Would urge you to have some conversations with him about it - in as kind a way as possible - and to encourage him to figure out the root cause of the weight problems, as well as helping him to lose that weight. No good comes of being obese - particularly if, as it seems from your post, he is morbidly obese - certainly anyone who doesn't fit into a normal airplane seat could well fit that description.

Of course as with all things it's up to him to want to lose the weight and to put the effort in, but there are certainly things you can do to be encouraging and make that as easy a situation as possible. Including exploring activities you can do together (walking everyday, bike rides, getting him exercise equipment for the home (Pelatons and equivalent are great) and spending spare family time doing activities that require walking and exercise.

You mention the takeaways: those should stop too. Maybe if he wants different food you could get some of those meal boxes and cook with him as a healthier alternative. If it's on you to do the shopping then stop buying junk food/fizzy drinks etc etc altogether.

Good luck, and have fun on the holiday!!!

QuickPeachPoet · 26/06/2025 14:23

Zil3 · 26/06/2025 12:59

I’ve suggested it to him and also been with him to dieticians and weight management clinics but to no avail. He is worried about side effects of the jabs so won’t take them. Personally I feel the side effects of being 20 stone overweight are more of a concern.

Show quote history

He is 20 stone overweight!!!??? Well he is at high risk of being dead by next year if so, so saying 'maybe next year' doesn't cut it.
Go with the kids on your own. You will have a great time!

TheLostStargazer · 26/06/2025 14:26

Go with the dc. I did this with mine because dh couldn’t come. We went to Turkey, walked around a lot, did a couple of paid activities, lots of swimming and a day trip to Rhodes.

PussInBin20 · 26/06/2025 14:30

Go for it - you’re a long time dead as they say. Make memories now whilst you can.

cestlavielife · 26/06/2025 14:30

Book it now.!

Get an AI holiday through a tui or jet 2 booking so everything is covered and there is an agent on site or in resort.

Encourage him to go to gp but it is his own health to sort out
If he changes mind he can book to join you later

Notawindyday · 26/06/2025 14:32

Yes go on holiday !

You will need

Passports
Travel insurance
Beware of expensive charges for use of mobile phones abroad (contact your provider or buy ESIM)
Cash or a card that you can use abroad

pushthebuttonnn · 26/06/2025 14:32

I would definitely go! It sounds like an adventure. While they might prefer if their Dad was there too Im sure the kids will be overjoyed to go anyway.

leopardprint17 · 26/06/2025 14:33

If he suggested you go alone and you are happy with this, im struggling to see the issue OP. Enjoy your holiday

PullTheBricksDown · 26/06/2025 14:46

Go!! Somewhere with good pools and slides, and or water park is ideal as the kids and teen will enjoy that and you can have some spells of relaxing and supervising. Eurocamp is good for this and will also have kids' clubs.

NameCannotBeBlank · 26/06/2025 15:32

Just do it. I’m a single parent of 2, I make sure I book somewhere with a kids club so I can get a couple of hours peace now and again. It’s actually much easier solo these days than with my useless ex who just acted like another child for me to take care of!

Appleblum · 26/06/2025 15:39

Go for it! I went away with my 2 primary school aged children recently and it was great! I was also a little apprehensive at first but the dynamics are so different when it's only the 3 of us and we had a great time.

Original poster
Zil3 · 26/06/2025 16:00

AppropriateAdult · 26/06/2025 13:56

I think for somebody who is very overweight, a holiday abroad can be very daunting, between the heat and the expectation of swimming or spending time on a beach. So I can understand his hesitation. It doesn’t sound like he’s controlling in other aspects of your life? As obviously that would change things.

Absolutely no reason for you and the kids not to go and enjoy yourselves, though it’s a pity as I’m sure you’d all prefer him to be there too.

Absolutely and I’ve been trying so hard to help him. I’ve lost 4.5stone myself in the last 6 months, partly spurred on by the idea of being more comfortable and therefore more present for DC when on holiday.
No he’s not controlling at all, he’s a lovely person. We’d absolutely rather him be there with us and in a position to enjoy it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zil3 · 26/06/2025 16:04

Caligirl80 · 26/06/2025 14:14

Go for it! Have an awesome time.

But there is the different subject of your DH and his weight issues/lack of interest in figuring those out for the benefit of himself his family. Would urge you to have some conversations with him about it - in as kind a way as possible - and to encourage him to figure out the root cause of the weight problems, as well as helping him to lose that weight. No good comes of being obese - particularly if, as it seems from your post, he is morbidly obese - certainly anyone who doesn't fit into a normal airplane seat could well fit that description.

Of course as with all things it's up to him to want to lose the weight and to put the effort in, but there are certainly things you can do to be encouraging and make that as easy a situation as possible. Including exploring activities you can do together (walking everyday, bike rides, getting him exercise equipment for the home (Pelatons and equivalent are great) and spending spare family time doing activities that require walking and exercise.

You mention the takeaways: those should stop too. Maybe if he wants different food you could get some of those meal boxes and cook with him as a healthier alternative. If it's on you to do the shopping then stop buying junk food/fizzy drinks etc etc altogether.

Good luck, and have fun on the holiday!!!

I’ve tried it all with him but nothing seems to be doing the trick. He is 20 stone overweight so I think it just seems like an impossible task to him. Tried GP visit with him, Slimming World, dietician, hospital weight management clinic, talking therapies, encouraging exercise together/as a family, meal planning, me cooking for him etc etc. But he won’t do it.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 27/06/2025 06:29

How old are the kids? As a lone parent (there are loads of us on here) we can make some recommendations so you can get it booked! Or pop over to the travel section to post there. Honestly OP you and the DC deserve a holiday and it might be the spur he needs to get himself sorted if you go.