AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

What happens if you both bring a left half?

Seriously though, to all the doubters, people absolutely do do this. It's easy enough to pack clothes into a few tote bags and combine at the airport. Checked luggage has got expensive in recent years!

Just tell her you are no longer putting luggage in the hold, so you'll both just have to suck up the loss as you are no longer using it either.

This!!!!

Did you agree suitcase custody for after the hols?

50/50 or every other weekend, plus a mid week visit?

Noone has bought an actual suitcase! They've booked a suitcase to check in and share, I do this with mates all the time.

I wouldn't be offering her the money back.

It's the cost of putting it in the hold of the plane.

Sounds like she doesn’t want to go but also sounds like none of you actually want her to. If she was my friend I’d find a sofa or something for her to sleep on so we could go on holiday.

I know they’re not buying a suitcase. The Op is clear that they already bought it and went halves in it, were going to share it but won’t now because friend is not coming on holiday. The question Op asked is in this scenario should she refund the money her friend has already paid her for her share of the case.

This is how Op worded it: Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase

It doesn’t say for her half of checking in the suitcase.

The OP actually did clarify that it was the cost of putting it in the hold, not buying the actual suitcase.

Sorry I haven’t been clear. I am providing the suitcase which I paid for fully myself (many many years ago) but we are using my suitcase as our checked one.

In that case I still think you need to refund her the money. She isn’t going on the holiday and her luggage isn’t going on the plane. Couldn’t you get an adjusted price from the airline for using a smaller case?

I wouldn't be refunding her anything at all.

`I would probably try to cancel the hold charge, and just take a cabin bag instead, but if not possible then hard luck Mary.

Mary is a CF.

As you are still putting a suitcase in the hold I would just pay her the £50.
But this is all completely weird.

I would probably go with something like

"Hope you manage to find a travel solution**. Will be gutted if you can't make it. I'm afraid I'm right at my budget for the holiday so I can't afford to pay your share of the suitcase allowance if that happens. Your travel insurance might cover it?"

That's not perfect but definitely don't say "pay you back", you're not paying her back she's asking you to cover her share. You're getting no real benefit because you hardly need a massive suitcase yourself for a long weekend.

** if you can think of any more solutions chuck them in here, eg airbnb (even if just a spare room) near airport, late night train night before and stay up in airport, alternative tube/ train if you know of them.

Is she losing out on £ by cancelling (aside from the suitcase)? If so you'd think she'd suck up the cost of a premier inn or airbnb, or the inconvenience of staying up all night (if she wanted to go that is)

Mary’s a CF. She has decided to cancel, and it sounds like the only person she can put the tighteners on is you. She knows you’re a pushover.

Her cancellation is not your responsibility financially. The money has been spent. It’s gone.

Just as an aside, £100 to put a suitcase in the hold? That seems a lot. Surely cheaper to just take a carry on holdall or small case. All share toiletries etc.

I’m going to play a drinking game. Swig of whiskey every time I read a post ignoring this and suggesting you take the suitcase back to the shop for a refund.

Yes this!!! Please explain how this was going to work

She sounds such hard work that I’d be happy to fall out with her; if you would’ve booked a whole suitcase if she hadn’t been going then pay her back. If you’d have made do with a cabin bag then let her stew.

Mary is a PITA and a CF and no she doesn't get the £50 back from you any more than she gets any of her other costs covered because of her last-minute decision not to come. It's her right to choose not to come but it's not her right to leave you out imof pocket. She's a bit mad to forego the whole holiday because of a refusal to use the available transport options when her first choice mode fell through - but it's her choice and she has to take the consequences, not offload some of it onto you.

While I get your annoyance, I think it’s a bit off to bring up that Mary goes out to dinner a lot and is ‘financially impulsive’ so therefore can afford it, but that you are doing large scale renovations but can’t. Seems like you’ve both got the money.

Pay her back the £50.

Easy Jet for instance don’t allow you to subtract baggage that’s already been paid for when booking after 24 hours of the booking. They allow you to add extra bags at a charge, but won’t refund for the charge of hold luggage that’s already been paid for.

Unless you now plan to fill the suitcase rather than just using half there is no reason for you to pay for her unused part. Her not using her part doesn’t benefit you at all so why would you pay extra?

So confident and so wrong hehe.
Clear from all of OPs updates (granted, not the title of the thread) that it's about checking the suitcase.

She's using "suitcase" as shorthand for "designation in the hold for the suitcase to be stored during flight".

If someone said "I'm not going to refund you half the cost of the train" presumably you wouldn't assume they had purchased a train 😜

Apologies OP. I got carried away in my very own 'cancel the cheque' moment.

Now I understand the situation I am perplexed why CF is coming after the suitcase money. What is making her think that's refundable, but not any other elements of the trip.

I'd reply and say if she'd not gone in on the checked in luggage with you, you'd have just gone with a carry on, so no, you won't give her it back.