To think men are lonelier now because they created emotional distance and don’t know how to fix it?

[WiseBrickSwan]

They mocked emotional vulnerability for decades, now they’re shocked no one opens up to them.

Because we didn’t know better as younger women (we didn’t have the education or the positive role models) is that so hard to believe? Coercive abuse? Etc etc etc. you sound like a victim blamer so I won’t interact further thanks.

Simple really, men need women more than women need men. Historically men have heavily relied on the concept of marriage and the dependency their wives had on them to keep them. Women had to put up with being cheated on, abused etc and all that was expected of him was to work and bring home the bacon. Mens roles were defined and they were simple. They got to treat women like shit in the process and not lose her.

Now women can work, have their own income, their own property. Men are for all intents and purposes obsolete when it comes to relationships and the home. Women no longer have to put up with all the bullshit that comes with living with a man and that man has no power whatsoever to keep her in the relationship.

I think the internet has a lot to do with this too. There is now so much temptation for men at the click of a button- porn, Facebook and Instagram feeds with algorithms that show reams of semi clad women, dating apps, the ability to contact/message other women quickly. And most men are weak tbh, many will indulge in this type of behaviour that let's face it, women don't want in a partner.

But the internet also benefits us- we now have access to forums such as this, whereby we can essentially ask other women whether or not his behaviour is acceptable, to be validated and told no it isn't, leave the bastard. Some women put up with this type of disrespect for years, but years ago we'd have to out up and shit up in fear of our partner beating us, getting fed up with our 'nagging' and pissing off, leaving us financially destitute.

Jokes on them though isn't it. Because now we can have them removed from our properties, we can initiate divorce. And at the click of a button we can be on a dating site and within hours have a long queue of thirsty, desperate, lonely men, many of whom treated their exes just as badly. And there are millions of them with their sob stories, needing a woman for emotional labour, cooking, cleaning, washing their boxers, help raising their kids etc.

But we get to do the picking now and they hate it, and they have nobody to talk to about it because most of their make friends (if they have any) are emotionally illiterate, take the piss out of them for being upset at the loss of their woman. Meanwhile we've had our girly wine nights, got out all our emotions, griened and moved on. We've decided it's now either best to stay single because quite frankly most of them are more trouble than they're worth, or we start opening those hundreds of messages on dating apps. Meanwhile our ex is sat shoulder to shoulder with a friend at a bar, silently staring into his pint, occasionally checking his dating app messages, to which he has very few options, because he no longer has options.

Basically, we hold all the power now and they don't know what to do with themselves.

I think this sums it up. Many woman are like this as well.

I think it is good that it easier to talk about emotions but that doesnt mean everyone wants to all the time and is somehow deficient if they dont.

There are desperate women who cant be without a man, how many women go from one to next because they cant be alone?

Yes men do it too but for all the women who complain how bad men are they put a lot of effort into keeping one. If men are so terrible where do they get these women from?

I think the incels 10/4 is very widespread. Men I’ve worked with in the past, who I was friends with were mostly 4s and expected to attract 10s. They got pissed off and angry they couldn’t attract the “good looking girls”, these men however didn’t have a personality to fall back on. Also worked with good looking men who attracted good looking women and the men who were average looking but had great personalities always attracted the 10s. Men think pretty women owe them and can’t handle it when they do.

Hell yeah we do

We don’t claim the pick me’s. The men can have them.

You answered the question yourself, women that are desperate. But even desperate women will generally only put up with so much, then they'll move onto the next bloke.

I think it's getting harder for them because making a pass at someone now is so often taken as offensive, rather than the person on the receiving end saying 'That's flattering but no thanks'.

well i got told i was a fat ugly slag lezzer for saying exactly that, so i make no apologies if i just walk away now.

were you around in the 1920s? 30s? 40s? 50s? 60s? 70s? 80s?

Women's rights maybe pretty much ok now, but previously? not at all. Many a woman has stayed with an utter dickhead because of societal pressure and the lack of opportunities for married women with children to thrive without the husband/dad.

Now? women can be completely independent and have their own fine life without having to have a man to countersign loans, etc etc. Men who are lonely need to up their game, make themselves interesting and attractive.

Fucks sake

being lonely does not mean someone is somehow deficient, not decent, or deserving of your shitty attitude

Funny that isn’t it, that men always seem to insult women when they reject them. I got called a slag just because I didn’t want to speak to a man at a bar. A slag because I wanted nothing to do with this sleeze.

Is this some sort of written rating scheme I've missed? What do you rate yourself as as a matter of interest?

I think our social landscape is harder to navigate with the loss of third spaces, more frequent moves and people doing the "little family". Agree with PPs that I can believe that women are more likely to have the better social skills but I think anyone can be unlucky here.

For what it's worth I've definitely suffered from what I'll call male pattern loneliness when younger. I don't think women are immune at all.

I can only speak from my own experience but I believe some men equate admitting weaknesses or accepting blame with shame which must be very isolating. I think it can be passed on if their Dad was similar.
It doesn't always follow though as my Dad was very open and honest and able to express himself. I think sometimes you become determined to act in an opposite manner to the way you were brought up, iyswim.

You must have missed it yes. Google incel rating scheme.

"Men are for all intents and purposes obsolete when it comes to relationships and the home."

This implies to me that women have switched off the desire for sex and romantic connection with a man, something I cannot comprehend. If men are really obsolete, why are so many women in romantic relationships and may more seeking such relationships? I cannot believe every single one of them is trapped in a loveless marriage or completely dependent on their husband/boyfriend/whatever.

I would be genuinely like to know how a woman can shut off the instinct to bond romantically with a man. It is, after all, partly how we ultimately reproduce. Given my own lack of romantic experience, I am trying to learn about common factors/issues which can or may apply to the majority of women so if I am privileged enough to find romance, I have at least a starting point for enhancing her life.

My recent chats with female friends have led me to believe a lot of men out there are turds, so I can see why some women who have been badly hurt in previous relationships have decided they don't want to go there again.

Well I can see why you have a problem understanding this when you’ve took a quote about how women now more power and turn it into thinking they don’t want sex. Clearly didn’t get or understand the posters quite valid point. Might want to look into the rising number of married women who divorce their useless husbands and end up in female relationships, it might enlighten you.

I don’t think being scared of asking girls out in case they say no is a new thing, or anything to do with Me Too/greater awareness of harassment.

I’m almost 50, and it was a thing when I was a teenager in the 80s/90s. Men don’t like being told no by women, they find it humiliating (which is understandable but entirely up to them to get over, unfortunately).

I would be genuinely like to know how a woman can shut off the instinct to bond romantically with a man

Easy, thirty years of marriage to somebody who doesn’t lift a finger will make your vagina clamp shut.

DF died when I was a child, DM never sought out another relationship because life was a lot more straightforward not having to run around after a husband as well as her two kids. My marriage isn’t bad enough to divorce (we have young kids - I am the main breadwinner and do all the housework and 95% of the childcare, before you go incel), but it is unequal enough that I wouldn’t do it again.

Incel alert. Obsolete just means they are not necessary, not essential. Women now have the choice to live alone, or with another woman romantically, or with platonic flatmates (male or female), unlike in years gone by when they relied on men for money. I am married to DH because I want to be. You might want to research the concept of choice and consent...

'The instinct to bond romantically with a man' - I mean sexuality and relationships are very complex, but breaking humans down to their base instinct of reproduction discounts people who are homosexual, or childfree by choice, or asexual or aromantic.

Well, quite. I think that's the point we're making by rolling eyes at the 'male loneliness epidemic'. Women tend to have more sources of support and more social contacts, but more than that I think women are more likely to go out and find solutions if they're lonely and not just rely on a partner to sort them out. It's well-known that (in general) women who are widowed cope much better than men.

Completely agree.

Many women are choosing to be single, frankly we are better off that way. All we do is look after every bugger else. Men are worth it to us if they share the burden and don't hurt us by lying, cheating, making us feel insecure/like shit, prioritising family money on can girls/porn etc.

Unfortunately most can't seem to live up to that task and as a result find themselves single and lonely. Women tend to thrive when single as losing the man means losing stress, another person to have to worry about. Men don't generally do as well single as they tend to need a partner to lean on emotionally (as their make friends are generally shit at emotional problems), it's hard for them to get regular sex, they prefer their tea on the table when they get in from work.

Basically, a weight lifts when we lose a bloke (not all, some are amazing but in the minority in my experience). Men are left with a void when they lose us.