To think men are lonelier now because they created emotional distance and don’t know how to fix it?

[WiseBrickSwan]

They mocked emotional vulnerability for decades, now they’re shocked no one opens up to them.

Decent men are not lonely.

The ones whining about loneliness are the sort of men women wouldn't touch with a ten foot bargepole.

Agree.

When you say 'act like women' do you have an idea in mind that women act a certain way?

Men are lonelier due to their own actions and behaviour. Maybe if they didn’t go around making sexist comments, raping and murdering women all the time this wouldnt be an issue. Men caused this, they can sort it out themselves.

No I don't. There has been no increase in men's propensity to 'create emotional distance' when compared to previous generations. Men are lonelier now because women have the wherewithal to leave them if they want or need to, rather than being forced to remain their companions due to lack of choice.

It's just male entitlement, the lonely ones expect a support human bang maid that will pay half the bills, do all the drudgery in the home and then service him sexually without complaint... about anything and pop out children for HIS legacy and raise them for him as well.

They don't think women are equal humans with their own desires and dreams, we are facilitators for THEIR lives, that's what we are here for, for them so they're confused about why they haven't been allocated one yet like grampa got without realising or even being able to comprehend that grandma told us girls not to marry and make sure you never depend on a man.

Men can get in the fucking bin, 99% of them useless and sorry to say some of our sons will be in that 99% we need to realise that and accept it and not try to make it all better for them.

My ex didn’t make the effort to keep in touch with his (male) half of the couple friends he and his ex wife made, so when we met (OLD) he didn’t have any friends.

He also compartmentalised his life massively so that I never met his teenage daughters. I know they come first but so did his ex wife, ex wife’s new partner, ex wife’s new partner’s kids etc - I was very much bottom of the pile.

After I questioned this after FOUR years together (yes, I know) he admitted that he hadn’t let himself fall in love with me or have a future with me because his eldest daughter didn’t want him to have a girlfriend.

That man will die old and very lonely, and it’s all of his own making. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who is so emotionally closed off to happiness. And at 52 I’ll never put myself through that again - would rather stay single.

Absolute garbage.

‘All the time’. Yes garbage, absolutely.

I think everyone’s lonelier- more isolated, less connected. For men there are also social and economic changes that mean that women have options other than marriage to an unappealing man.

For centuries society, and specifically matrimony, allowed men to get away with behaviour that this generation* of women consider unacceptably shitty

And because women aren’t financially beholden, and are no longer stigmatised for leaving relationships, there is no longer any reason to stay put in a relationship that isn’t adding to your wellbeing.

We aren’t teaching men what’s required to maintain a long term relationship- and it’s a huge oversight, because marriage breakdown is a very, very costly mistake. We put so much effort into teaching our dc skills to help them make money in good careers.

But who should teach men, the basic skills of not stealing your partner’s leisure, energy, time, money and self esteem and just generally pulling your own weight. (And actually I don’t think the answer is their mother)

But oh look, here comes Andrew Tate, stepping into the breach.

*that anyone possessing a modicum of decency would think is shitty…but somehow men didn’t notice or care

Nearly 800,000 women in the UK and Wales are raped each year, that’s only the figures of those that report it. So it will be higher than this. Conviction rate for rapists in the UK for those that report it to the police are less than 1%. So yes there’s an incredibly high number of rapists walking around.

Suggest you educate yourself and look at these figures from a rape crisis group when you’re done defending men

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/

Why do you assume though that men who express toxicity, aggression, racism, misogyny, are doing so as a proxy for speaking about other emotions? Isn’t it possible that they’re just assholes, and those are the emotions they want to express?

I feel like this when people twist themselves into pretzels trying to ‘understand’ the reasons why someone might vote for a hateful political party (usually explained away in some way or another). You need to consider the possibility that they’re just hateful.

In some cases, sure, but I don't think we can generalise that or any other behaviour or mindset to all lonely men just like we can't generalise any particularly behaviour or mindset to all lonely women or lonely children of either sex.

While there are stats on people having fewer friends now than decades past, both women and men. I'm not sure if people are lonelier, or people's idea of what a friend and friendship is has changed over time and/or people are more open to talking about it.

I mean, it's pretty obvious from this thread that many people presume that someone - or at least a man - who is lonely must be a horrible person, must have committed some sin to feel that way. Culture has shifted so that being open to talking about things that others think makes you a horrible person has gained traction, so it happens more.

It also seems to bother some women a lot that some men are discussing loneliness, and I struggle to get why. If you don't care what men think because they're a bunch of murderous rapists, then why does them discussing anything about their feelings and experiences matter? If some women want men to be more emotionally vulnerable, why is some of them discussing loneliness - an emotionally vulnerable act - lead to what looks like an impulse to tear the idea apart? Why must it be something inherently wrong with men that explains this issue, an issue that women are also discussing experiencing? There are constant threads on here and articles either mocking or pathologizing men for discussing loneliness, mostly written by women. It seems bizarre to me.

I've been crushingly lonely both as a child and as an adult. I have never been shocked when someone doesn't want to open up to me - to me, that would be normal. I don't discuss my experiences of loneliness because I'm shocked by anything, but because I accepted it enough to be vulnerable about it. I'm never one to say I'm a good person, but I accepted my loneliness didn't mean I'm bad or an asshole - plenty of assholes have loads of friends, often with other assholes. Loneliness is a pretty normal human experience, and I think it's great people are talking about it, whichever sex they are, and that sometimes we talk about things to express and be heard, not because we're trying to 'fix' anything at the moment.

Because there is a huge debate on the “male loneliness epidemic” all caused by their own actions. There has never been a women’s loneliness epidemic that is covered in the news like with men. Quite frankly women are sick of hearing about it.

If women no longer need men and that’s causing loneliness, are those women no longer with those lonely men not lonely too? Maybe that’s the real question. Why are men lonely but women not?

Honesty I think most of them just don’t care about other people very deeply. They are very focussed on themselves. Not all obviously.

This doesn’t work simply because you say ‘they’. As though it has been both a simultaneous and individual decision. WAY too simplistic.

I think women are, on average, better at maintaining friendships. I also think it’s easier for women to get no-strings sex if they want it.

I'm menopausal and no longer in the sperm seeking stage. It's a joy not having to put on my interested face to listen to a man explain a film/hobby/politics/cooking. I'd rather have a conversation. I also find men too emotional, more likely to hit something if their football team loses or threaten another country if they are unhappy at home. Bonkers really.
And I'm very disappointed that Caitlin Moron hasn't grown up with me, she's barely coherent let alone nuanced these days.

I think a very high percentage of men have taken advantage of women and their labour all their lives just like their Dad’s did whilst openly believing we are emotional and irrational and that we ‘nag’ and now that the tide is turning they just can’t handle it. They don’t know what to do because we have the education to tell them when they’re wrong and we have the resources to be independent and they’re still the cavemen they watched growing up and continue to be themselves, they don’t know how to open up because they hated us for being emotionally intelligent. I know there are exceptions and some good men but no one will convince me that they are not the minority because I know, from experience, from seeing my partners, my father, my family and friends’ partners that this is the truth. And I wish nothing but unhappiness to every single one of them. I watch penalty shoot outs just to see the men cry 😂 because too many men in my life have told me I’m overreacting or to pull myself together when crying - including my own father so watching a man cry that they’ve lost a game brings me inner joy.

I wish people would stop saying things like this. Yes, it may be easier for a woman to have sex with any man that will have her. That doesn't mean she'll enjoy it or it will appease loneliness. Where did you get the impression that sex stops you feeling lonely?

Many women and girls are lonely, It's not just a male problem.

Taken advantage? Wouldn't women make their own choices and have just as many brain cells as men? I find it so patronising the way women are spoken about like they aren't in the room

When do women think for themselves?

the men i know personally (2) are alone and lonely because they are nasty, lazy misogynistic gits. I tell them this and they don't take it well (relatives, we don't meet often, thank goodness)

In general? a lot of men are stuck with the view that women are there to serve and they don't do much at all to make themselves attractive to the sort of women they want in their lives. A lot of women, meanwhile, have discovered that it is much more fun to live independent lives, or to share their independent lifestyle with a grown-up man who doesn't expect them to wait on him hand and foot.

It is a cliché - but the idea of the incel who hates women because he can't attract a "10" while being a "4" himself is true, but i do wonder how widespread it really is?