To think hairdressers secretly love hearing your business and problems?

[SnipTealDrama]

It sometimes feels like they’re not just doing your hair, they’re gathering intel. I get that chatting is part of the experience for some but occasionally it feels like they’re enjoying the drama more than they let on. AIBU to find it intrusive?

Mu male hairdresser is a right old gossip but thankfully it's mostly about himself so all he knows about me is where l am going on holiday

I never chat as I prefer my stylist to concentrate on my hair. I imagine they must get bored with chatty customers.

Mine comes to the house!

Nobody has to tell then anything they could go to a therapist?

Simple answer is you don’t have to tell them your business surely? I personally have a lovely hairdresser but I never tell her my private information, what I’ve been up to that day yes but I generally don’t like to talk when I’m there. I work in a public facing role and some people just love to talk about themselves, I’ll ask questions and pretend I’m interested but I generally don’t think about it after I’ve interacted with the person.

I’ve been going to the same hairdresser for well over 10 years - I’ve been there for her relationship issues, pregnancy, divorce, new relationship, step child issues, family bereavements, etc, we also talk about holidays, events, food, fashion and current affairs - she knows enough about my life that I’m comfortable to share! I really enjoy the hour or two I see her every 6 weeks

Not sure if you want us to answer the question in your title, or the question about you finding it intrusive.

First one - YABU. Most hairdressers are chatty and interested in people. But it is just chat. It matters not one iota if you tell them you aren't 'going anywhere nice on holiday' even if you have your dream holiday booked for next month. They are just passing the time of day.

Second one - YANBU. If you feel it is intrusive, then that is what you feel. It doesn't make you unreasonable. If you don't want to give any information about yourself away then just deflect the question and ask them things about them, or comment on the weather or whatever. If you don't want to talk at all, then tell them that. They won't mind (as long as you are polite).

I’m a hairdressing lecturer. We have a consultation unit which cover opens and closed questions. Also how to build a rapport with clients. However it’s not about gossip it’s about creating a friendly atmosphere.

I think I must be in the minority here! I love going to the hairdressers. Had the same hairdresser for 7 years, We chat about anything and everything.

I don't think it's ever been a secret.

Maybe you shouldn't start telling them stuff?

I live in a small area where my hairdresser grew up, and she is very careful what she says.

she takes an interest in what our adult DS is doing (overseas) and how our holiday went, but that’s about it. We might talk about her upcoming holiday or how her DH’s new job is going. General conversation stuff.

to a point though, I think all of our ears prick up when we hear something about another that doesn’t affect our daily lives or those we love.

yesterday is a good example for me, We had a nasty neighbour who moved on a few years back. Total control freak when he could get away with it (for instance he allocated his wife x amount per day to fuel up her car to enable her just to get to and fro work - from her own earnings). Anyhow they moved back to her home town. It didn’t work out for him, she never saw her old friends, and they have moved away from her family by considerable distance and where he originally wanted to go (he had a couple of drug mates there) so he has isolated her further.

I predicted this would happen and I had a smug chuckle to myself that I called it. So did DH when I told him last night… neither of us are hairdressers.. 😊😂

My hairdresser was a bit of a life safer when I was going through a tough time in a relationship. She genuinely seemed interested and asked follow up questions next time I was in. I hope it wasn't just an act because it did mean a lot to me.

I think that is pretty normal.
Until recently, I have had the same hairdresser for about 16 years. She used to cut my dcs' hair too, and asks after them. I ask about her dc. She asks about my brother and his family, as their dc were at the same school. We've built up our relationship over the years and converse about all sorts of things. She's had health issues and I always ask about them, as she's happy to talk. We talk about our pets. We talk about life issues (elderly parents, etc) but all of that comes from knowing each other for years and having lots in common over that time.
Since she retired, I've gone somewhere new, and really enjoy the general chat. I find it friendly, and welcoming. But then I'm a sociable sort of a person. However, even though I've been there 3 times, I've not really told her much about me or my life - it's generally surface chit chat which makes the time pas quickly.

Apparently, it's not uncommon for hairdressers to change careers and become counsellors. They are practiced in listening to people.

My wonderful hairdresser used to be a neighbour many years ago and is now a very good friend. I tell her everything as I know it will never be repeated. She is lovely.

What’s wrong with enjoying a bit of “gossip”? People’s lives can be interesting. How boring if all they listen to all day are where someone’s going on holiday (for the 10th time). It’s up to individuals how much they share, and if they do share something interesting, nothing wrong with showing interest!

My previous hairdresser become a right narcissist. She thought she was the right bees knees . I think all the nice comments went to her head and she thought she was the world’s best hairdresser whereas especially for colour I found her mediocre at very best . She moved from renting a chair to running her own salon and she become insufferable.

She had this annoying nosy demeanour about her and she used to love to talk about herself and how great her life was . It was like an episode of Jeremy Kyle whenever I went . Her loud , gloating opinions filling the salon . I stopped going to her .

One of the local hairdressers had to move on because she was found to be a gossip, and she would frequently get drunk and post racist and homophobic views on the local facebook group. She was losing customers rapidly, which restored my faith in humanity a little.

I bet they mostly aren't.

I really wish they wouldn't feel obliged to talk all the way through. I think it's misguided to think this 'puts clients at their ease' or whatever: if apprentice hairdressers are actually encouraged to do this, they should be taught to read people's reactions and learn when we don't want to talk. I have felt like I've come out of an exhausting job interview sometimes.

I don't mind a little bit of initial chat (weather) but just want my hair cut and would pay double to have it cut in silence.

My hairdresser is a nice normal person and not a ‘love Island watcher’ at all. I actually think that it’s more me talking than her listening and we can scale up or down easily.

I think my hairdresser knows me pretty well after 40 years and we're still pretty chatty. She gets hacked off with her clients who say racist things and tells them to stop. And I do know that she finds the clients who are obsessed with health issues and who's died lately pretty hard going some days.

This. I don't mind passing the time of day but I HATE being asked detailed questions about my life or my opinion on anything. My current hairdresser cannot cope with silence. I only keep going because she's cheap.

Wow, some of these comments!
I’ve been a psychotherapist hairdresser for 23 years. I love my clients. They tell me a LOT of personal things but to me, it’s respected as being in confidence. I would never engage in inane gossip to stir the pot.
A large part of my job IMO is to hold space, as a hair appointment can be one of those unusually intimate scenarios. Conversely, I would never pry or insist on conversation if I got the feeling that someone wanted to be quiet.
Hairstylists are just people. Not all of us are gossipy thickos who watch Love Island.
(I’ve never seen it)

lt’s the other way round with my hairdresser - she’s hilarious and has the best stories. We always have a giggle and I actually look forward to my appointments now, whereas I used to hate getting my hair cut. I very much doubt she is saving up my embarrassing stories to spread around though, she’s got enough of her own.

You don't have to talk at all with them if you don't want to. I used to be a hairdresser years ago and sometimes I used to love having a quiet client coming in, because I could just focus on my work instead of always feeling like I had to be "on." It was like a breath of fresh air after a busy day, believe me. 😂
One lady told me she was having an affair with a man at work, then later her husband came in to collect her from her appointment. I felt very awkward so I did mention it to other staff but I would never have gossiped about anything outside of the salon.