To bunk off sports day?

[Catherine3436]

My 10yo has sports day on Friday.
She is very unsporty and self conscious, and has to run in a race (no choice). She’s really upset about this. There’s no option to do something she’d find less daunting.

I’m toying with the idea of giving her the day off. I know we should be sportsmanly and character building and all that, but to be honest if I was told I HAD to run in a competitive race against my colleagues whilst being watched by 50 of the friends and family I’d 100% take the day off without a thought to avoid the humiliation.

so…. Aibu to let her miss sports day?

My 9 year old is having the day off. Though it isn't until mid July but he's already dreading it, he has SEN.

I would let her bunk off. She will thank you for it, and will also remember it when she’s older.

My Mum let me bunk off a Geography trip once. I was so, so bad at Geography and just didn’t understand it at all. I was also petrified of my teacher as he always used to put me on the spot. My anxiety was through the roof. My Mum let me have the day off, and I still remember it at 35. So grateful!!

I have mild CP so was always the kid chosen last for team sports and the one who trailed in last at sports day.

I was never told me that bunking off was an option. I am glad as I think that would have meant I could bunk off other school days . That would lead onto saying uni was too hard and to miss work when that was too hard.

From my experience its not like that with kids sport. A lot of team sports outside school don't even keep score at that age. It's about being active, participation, and having fun with friends. No such thing as a 10 year old sports star. The OTT fear of losing seems to be the main issue. Parents need to stop making such a big deal about it. Nobody cares.

If you have tried being bullied on sportsday and still remember it you do care. School could do so much better so children didn't want to bunk.

From experience, it absolutely is like that in kids sports sometimes, and the OP and her DD clearly have a better understanding of whether thats the case at this school than you do. Also this is sport inside school, so what happens elsewhere is immaterial.

This is super confusing. My children 100% keep score - my son comes home and tells me who won in PE at football or rugby or whatever. He can list everyone who won the races at every sports day - and he isn't unique at all. He's 9 and the children talk about it loads.

He plays football and they have been keeping score since 5s which is when he was 6 years old I think? He knows exactly how many games they've won this year (thought it's not hard to remember - 3/20!) and they rehash the games endlessly.

Just because 'some' children aren't bothered and 'some' children enjoy it and 'some' adults don't remember it being terrible doesn't mean any of this is true for this particular child. This is a ridiculous requirement in a school day, there's no learning outcomes and she is being set up to fail. I am still sure it's fine to skip it and all she will remember is that her mother supported her. She's old enough to know her own mind.

My mother has said that she wishes she would have just let me skip some of this. I came home in tears every single year. It was awful and some of my worst memories of childhood. And absolutely turned me into someone who never wanted to participate in physical activities in front of other people (and yes, I'm fat now)

This isn't outside school though.

My son has no chance of winning due to his disability, he'd be last by a long way and he doesn't want to be last by a long way due to something he can't control. That isn't fun.

I'd let her have the day off. My DC has been dreading sports day since the last one and it comes up every night at bedtime. I told them they could have the day off but now they've had so many absences due to illnesses that I worry we'll be in trouble. I spoke to the teacher and she said DC can take part in the practice and see how they feel about it and whether there's anything they can take part in. There may be a chance that they could be a helper on the day etc. I will encourage DC to give it a go, but if they're still panicking about it I will probably just sack it off. Sports day is supposed to be fun and not a constant source of anxiety.

I think it’s fine to do that. Sports day is supposed to be fun, but if a kid doesn’t find it fun at all (I was one of them) then it can actually be a big source of stress. I can imagine crying in front of friends and a crowd of parents at 10 would feel a bit humiliating. I would rather my child have memories of the time I listened to their feelings and protected them from embarrassment than the time they were forced to be tested on something they know they’re bad at in front of a crowd.
As a PP said, we don’t force kids into competitions for any other subject or skill, school plays can be scary but they’re not a competition like a race

I’m dyspraxic and PE was a nightmare at school- being picked last for team sports, other students mocking the way I ran etc… my mum always gave me the day off for sports day and I’m so grateful she did. As others have said, you don’t have maths/english/history competitions in front of the whole school plus parents.

I think it's awful that they are making her run in the sprint even though she has asked to do something else instead.
I'd keep her off.
These sorts of things put people off physical activity for life. I was absolutely shit at sport at school and was usually last or the one who was laughed at for not being able to catch a ball. Fortunately I've found other physical activities later in life which suit me.

Well obviously. I was replying to a post that stated kids sport is all about winning. I am saying that it isn't.

Absolutely let her stay off, adults don’t routinely put up with ritual humiliation in their workplace so why so should we make kids.

Do it. My daughter hasn't done PE for a year due to hip and knee issues which she's having physio for. It's an all day thing. No point in her being there so going to call in sick that day.

I disliked sports day my entire primary school career. No athletic prowess whatsoever. Always last in every single race.
I'm hypermobile and didn't learn to walk until I was 3, even attending a playgroup for kids with special needs, and I've always just been clumsy and unsure on my feet.

But in all that, it never once occurred to me to even ask to bunk off. I took it on the chin as just an extended PE lesson. But then I've always been a "shrug, whatever" kind of character. Laid back and pretty unflappable.

And as my mum once pointed out to me, I was good at the academics, always performing well, so sports day was a chance for children with other skills to shine.

But all that being said, if your DD is struggling that much emotionally, then take her out. It's just sports day after all, not the Olympic finals.

I came so last in the 800m that nearly everyone had cleared off by the time I crossed the line. The longer races were run the day before the actual sports day, at lunch time, since there was so much to fit in on the day itself. Even so, most of the school had turned out to watch the race, but then cleared off for lunch when they thought it was over. When I crossed the line there was just a couple of teachers and my best friends, who told me to get a move on as we would be at the back of the queue for getting lunch.

Did I feel bad about myself, or humiliated? Nah, couldn't care less really. I only volunteered because no other girl in our form would do it and the house captain was getting desperate and I felt sorry for her so said I would.

I vividly remember lying awake all night feeling physically sick before sports day as a child.
It wasn't "fear of losing", I was never the sort of child who would get upset about losing board games, party games, non-sporty competitions or anything like that. It was the abject humiliation of coming last in every single race and the well-meaning but patronising cheers from the other parents, who thought they were being kind but were just drawing more attention to me and making it worse. It was the kids laughing and taking the piss afterwards. Having to perform the thing you're worst at and the most self-conscious about in front of the entire school, staff and parents is fucking horrible.

It didn't make more me more resilent, it didn't toughen me up or build character. What it did was negatively affect my self-esteem and put me off any kind of sport or exercise until well into adulthood. I already had to do PE lessons twice a week which I hated, there was no benefit whatsoever to me taking part in sports day.

The argument for forcing unsporty kids to take part in sports day because it's "a chance for non academic kids to shine" makes no logical sense. Can the sporty kids not "shine" if they're competing against other sporty kids, or at least kids who aren't bothered either way? Or does it somehow take the shine off of their experience if they don't get the opportunity to wipe the floor with kids who find sports day difficult and stressful? At my DC's school all children have the choice whether to take part in races or not, and the sporty kids still seem to manage to enjoy themselves.

It also ignores all the kids who are good at both academics and sport, as well as those who come last in both. It would be nice if everyone were good at something and talent evenly distributed, wouldn't it? But that's not the way the world works.

What about the children who aren't sporty or particularly academic?

Some children struggle with both.

I dunno what you want me to tell you.

It would be great if talent was evenly distributed, but it isn't. Oh well.

Handwringing and "what about my precious darling angel?" isn't going to get them very far. But resilience and a "give it your best shot" attitude will serve them well, long after their primary school sports day era has ended.

I’m on team ‘bunk off’!

They wouldn’t force a child who can’t sing to do a solo - in front of parents and classmates - and then be rated. The ‘give it your best shot’ would be clearly humiliating then.

Similarly, they shouldn’t force a kid to be in a race if they don’t want to be.

I think they could let kids who don’t want to join in do the set-up or just do some of the silly games. Or cheer people on who do want to do it.

Also - it’s not sports day - it’s athletics day.

Take her swimming, or horse riding or cycling. Whatever she actually enjoys.

My child has to be resilient every single day due to his disability. He's the very definition of the word.

Not going to sports day because his best would still mean last by a million miles and not wanting to do it isn't going to hinder the resilience he shows every single day.

I like this perspective and agree with it.

I also like the fact that the OP's daughter has already approached the teacher about changing. Even though the request was declined, she had the courage to ask because it's important to her.

My DD prefers exercise like walking, dancing, that kind of thing. I like cycling and walking and swim rarely. Both of us hated sports days. We both think unless you are competitive it’s all rather pointless. Jump over that? Run over there? Throw this pointy stick? Why? I never kept her off but DD would do a dirty protest by bringing a book to read or trying to come deliberately last. Even if she’d been marked absent on the day I wouldn’t have minded.