To bunk off sports day?

[Catherine3436]

My 10yo has sports day on Friday.
She is very unsporty and self conscious, and has to run in a race (no choice). She’s really upset about this. There’s no option to do something she’d find less daunting.

I’m toying with the idea of giving her the day off. I know we should be sportsmanly and character building and all that, but to be honest if I was told I HAD to run in a competitive race against my colleagues whilst being watched by 50 of the friends and family I’d 100% take the day off without a thought to avoid the humiliation.

so…. Aibu to let her miss sports day?

She asked to do something different but was told the decision was final.

Judging by this thread there are going to be a lot of kids in for a shock when they're asked to do something they're not comfortable with when they enter the workplace...

Fuck that then.

I’ve never been asked to sprint 100m in front of 100 people at work.

Nah there won't. Nice try though.

(i'll take this back when employers start arranging compulsory sports days)

😆

I'm going to tell my team that we're doing this next week. I wonder who will punch me first?

Yes. Often you build these things up in your mind to be bigger than they really are, when in actual fact if she went through with it, she'll probably have that moment of "hey, that wasn't so bad, what was I worrying for?" afterwards that is such a valuable thing to learn.

Sportsday will have been forgotten about within a fortnight, and it's better to get your kids comfortable with the uncomfortable. They won't always be able to hide away from things they don't want to do.

So she should go and when the race starts walk it as a protest, taking her good old time. Sashaying down the course like she's Ru Paul on a runway. And when she gets to the finish roll her eyes at the PE teacher.

Make sure they bring a selection of family members too!

And what if it ‘was that bad’.
What if she cries and feels humiliated.
There’s plenty of people who have really shitty memories of sports days, plenty of them are on this thread.

But you could talk to teacher yourself? Teacher prob just says no to the children, but it's a different matter if a parent contacts them.

Keep her off, it's absolutely rubbish that they are making her do the 100m when it has already been so upsetting for her. Teachers clearly have the sensitivity of a pile of bricks.

I have nothing but bad memories of sports day, it was ritual humiliation for those of us who weren't natural athletes. We weren't even taught how to try to do well, which might have actually provided some small spark of motivation. School PE put me off sports for life and only as an adult did I find some activities that I enjoyed (guess what, they don't involve running or team games).

It can't be beyond the imagination of schools to make it a rewarding day for all, so the sporty kids can get a chance to shine and the less sporty ones can still have a fun day of activity without feeling humiliated.

Have you not spoken to the teacher about it?

If my child was so upset I'd have to go in and speak to the teacher about it, especially if she was crying at school but the teacher was still saying she had to do it.

I don't think my kids' primary would have forced kids who were so upset to do it and they had a bit of a choice about which races to run and tried to put kids with similar abilities together.
Yours sounds awful.

It won't be.

It's a 100m sprint, not an ultra marathon. Even the slowest, most unsporty person in the world complete a 100 metre sprint in 15-20 seconds. That's it. Is such a tiny amount of time really worth getting so worked up about?

Nobody remembers where anyone else finished in sportsday. Nobody will remember 30 years later and be like "hey, remember when Gemma finished last in year 6 sportsday hahaha so funny!!!"

Something they’re not good at in front of the entire company? When does that happen when you enter the workplace? I can only think of public speaking which lots of people struggle with, no matter what age you are but it’s usually something you do as a more experienced adult.

Yes, wtf! Nobody cares, why is everyone hyping their children up about days that “ruined their school lives” - I was terrible at sports and still am but that’s precisely why it was much better that my parents didn’t make it into such a big deal by withdrawing me from school to avoid sports day.

I personally would not encourage an attitude where you allow a kid to bunk off school if there’s something they don’t like. It’s not good preparation for life. In life there are always going to be things that you don’t like or feel anxious about and it’s better to develop coping strategies and face these head on rather than avoid them. YABU.

I don't make my kids do sports days when they're at seniors. I hated it myself and was not sporty and neither are my children. I have no shame about calling them in sick, their attendance and grades are very good and they know it's only that one day.

I hated sportsday.
Never any issue working. And yes, I didn't become a PE teacher. True

PS they have to do plenty of other things they don't like so are well primed for adult hood on that front 🤣

It is, in fact, an important part of preparing your child for adult life to show them that they aren't obliged to do every stupid, pointless thing that might be asked of them. That they should in fact swerve something to protect themselves when there'll be no negative consequences of doing so. That they're allowed to say no. Especially for girls.

I love the idea upthread of Sports Day being about celebrating and trying different sports.

I may not remember who came last at my Sports Days but I remember how they looked, their expressions. I remember the expressions on the face of the people who were always picked last for teams. I have talked to people who still hate sport because they were rubbish at running and lost the confidence to find something they enjoyed and were good at.

I hated Sports Day, and I was the child who won everything. We can pretend that it builds character but far more often it causes damage to self esteem and causes people to see sport and fitness as something they can't do.

It’s not though really is it? Pretty much all sports are about winning a match or a race. Great if you like that sort of thing, but awful to be forced into participating if you don’t, especially in front of a crowd.

I’ve just read your comments again OP and see that last year she was made to run just her against all boys. I would make a fuss about that part of it. At my boys’ sports days in the juniors it surprised me that all the races were boys and girls together, and so it therefore didn’t surprise me that only the odd exceptional girl managed to come in the top three. One year I wrote down the winners and there was no first place girl in all the races so I spoke to head of PE about how that must be demoralising for all the girls, never winning a race. He was a bit surprised I’d said something and said no one else had ever raised it. I also thought it unfair that the staff race and parents’ race was mixed as again it was always a male teacher and dad who won - though as adults people did have the choice not to compete in those if didn't want to.

As for crying in the practice runs, if that was my child I would tell her to try not to get upset about something she’s not brilliant at.( In fact I would probably tell her she was being a bit ridiculous but I appreciate that is maybe a bit harsh). To just do her best and to try and enjoy an afternoon on the school field in the sunshine.

My daughter is also a bit heavy and uncoordinated. We sometimes go to the Junior Parkrun because I think she could do with building up her stamina etc. She’s always last place, out of about 40. She’s never cried, because we’ve never made it a big deal. It’s usually the kid who comes in second place who cries that he’s not first, because he’s used to often winning. Whereas my child is definitely not! 🤣

I still remember being laughed at as I came last in the 400m. I finished ages after the others so got lots of sarcastic shouts towards the end.I'd been persuaded to do it to get a point for the team. I did not feel good about myself for trying, just humiliated. I would let her have the day off, it's not worth it if she's going to end up feeling bad about herself.