To bunk off sports day?

[Catherine3436]

My 10yo has sports day on Friday.
She is very unsporty and self conscious, and has to run in a race (no choice). She’s really upset about this. There’s no option to do something she’d find less daunting.

I’m toying with the idea of giving her the day off. I know we should be sportsmanly and character building and all that, but to be honest if I was told I HAD to run in a competitive race against my colleagues whilst being watched by 50 of the friends and family I’d 100% take the day off without a thought to avoid the humiliation.

so…. Aibu to let her miss sports day?

I would wager it was the teacher. My P.E and games teachers used to blatantly favour a few of the popular hockey and netball girls and make the rest of us feel like shit. Something I started loving I ended up hating. As it happens I am good at sports just not the ones they were forcing on us.

If they were doing these activities she would be happy to join in. But it’s not, it’s 100m sprint. And last year she had to run with all boys.

Yep, bunk off!
I'm 59 and still remember the humiliation of sports day.
I was tall and skinny, all arms and legs, completely uncoordinated.
Having to run, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and always coming last, mortifying.
Hope your dd enjoys her day off!

Sports Days are awful. Let her take the day off. I say this as a teacher that wouldn't normally condone that! Don't put her through it.

You’ll get all the harsh mums saying it’s character building but it really isn’t, it’s confidence destroying. Let her have the day off and do something lovely together

I did it, we had some lovely days together and later my now teen loves sports so it hasn't stopped him at all!

God, that's just awful. I've no idea what's to be gained by that.

I think the world is divided into those who hated sports day and had bad experiences and those who didn’t. Those who didn’t will never get why for so many kids it’s the one day of the year they dread/hate.

Sports day is massive at my (and my DC’s) school. Parents treat it as a day out at Lord’s with picnic hampers and they become so competitive.

If DC asked not to do it, they could be “ill” but they stoically just get on with it.

Teachers and pupils always cheer the kids who are doing the 800m/600m who are coming last. In fact they get the biggest cheer. I know the kids still find it humiliating through.

Seriously, who needs that shit - the pity cheer -when they are 12 years old?

When I was at school parents didn't go to sports day and only in the last school I taught in did parents attend, and it was only one pushy competitive dad. When did all this spectatator stuff begin?

It's never unreasonable to fuck sports day off.

However, there are some MNers who completely lose the run of themselves whenever this is suggested, so do be aware of that, and be ready to filter out the stupid.

She tells me that in the ‘practice’ runs she cried both times, and then was still given sprint.

This! A lot of my lack of confidence as an adult has resulted from things like this.

I know everyone says that no one makes you do maths or English tests in front of the whole school plus parents etc, but everyone in a class generally gets to know who is the best reader and the best at maths. And who is the worst. Some kids whizz through their work and find everything academic a breeze. Others struggle every day and still have to go to an environment where they never fully understand what they have to do.

My two eldest kids went to primary school with an autistic boy who was very behind academically. Most kids didn’t really look at him as equal to themselves as he was so far behind, had problems communicating, was often taken out of class for small group work etc. And in years R-3 he didn’t have much of a clue what sports day was about. Participated but never won anything. In Y4, at the end of the term, there was a sports day for all Y4-6 kids plus parents. This boy had a place waiting at a special school for the next academic year so was leaving the school in a week or so’s time.

And he absolutely shone at that sports day. Outran all the popular, clever sporty boys. Amazed everyone. I was so pleased that people’s last memories of him were going to be how amazing he was at that sports day. It would have been such a shame if lots of the kids had been given the day off and hadn’t been there to witness his triumph.

For the odd child who can succeed or shine, fantastic. At the expense of children who are self conscious, awkward, developing at different rates? No.
Plus, a classroom environment is not the same as a sporting event with an audience. It's a totally different atmosphere. If you're not doing so well in a subject you're not going to be so visible. Or fail spectacularly in front of an audience.

Unsporty was probably not the right descriptor. She’s not good at running as she’s a bit heavy. She loves many other physical activities like cycling and skating.

What a shame those two things can't be celebrated.

Absolutely dreadful. Poor child.

What builds character for one, is soul destroying for another. She will have plenty of opportunities as she grows to build character on terms that suits her better. As she's upset enough to be crying, take her out of school and have a lovely day together.

I skived off sports day as a kid and let my kids do so too if they want. We are actually an active family, but just none of us have ever been into team or competitive sports. School sports made me believe I was shit at physical activity and it wasn’t for me. If it wasn’t for a friend inviting me at age 16 to her weekly aerobics class, that I loved, I may never have found out that there are physical activities I love doing.

Because she’s consistently forced to compete in sport against her peers and consistently loses so she knows she’s not gifted at it? Just like I did at that age.

I think sports days are horrendous. Especially for girls that age, many of whom are entering puberty. God I still remember mine with horror.

OP maybe you could feel less conflicted about a day off if you go out and do something active with her if you’re able.

For her wellbeing let her stay at home. She's being set up to be humiliated which is fundamentally wrong.
I'm not a natural sports person and hated sports day - though I was at school when they were removing the competitive side. Still remember the humiliation of being lapped when forced to run however far round a track!

I completely understand where you are coming from, my son has social anxiety and school has always been a struggle for him.

The teachers have been 100% supportive of his needs and helped him to gain confidence and the one thing that has always been recommended is not to push him out of his comfort zone if it gets too much.

It's always small steps. If school are pushing her too far, I personally would speak to school and if you don't get anywhere, then I agree, you need to do what is best for you daughter, if that means pulling her out of school for the day, then that's what I would personally do.

Have you spoken to her teacher about it - she's in tears at having to run 100m sprint, can't they find something else for her to do?

If it was just a case of her being awkward running races and it was being done in a supportive environment then I'd go along with the idea that it's character building. I'd send her in while reassuring her that it's ok not to be the fastest as long as she tries her best and that people are good at different things.

If she feels like it's a more hostile environment and she's going be taunted by her peers then I'd keep her off.

I stopped sports days years ago. Has to participate in PE, but the public sporting spectacle I’m happy to say no to. I don’t think it’s character building, it really isn’t a necessary part of the ciriculum , that’s all covered in the weekly PE lessons, and I have absolutely no issue with not being forced to participate